N. Korea and Iran are like the Nationals and the Bengals
Seriously…what are you thinking North Korea and Iran? Didn’t you see what happened when we thought….THOUGHT Iraq had Nukes….we had shaky intelligence and used that to justify blowing the shit out of that country….and guess where Saddam is? You give up? Dead. That’s right…and we didn’t even feel bad because we let the ‘people’s court do it’….actually what would have been better is if Ed Koch or judge Wopner sat in complete with the People’s Court music in the backround and the typewriter sound effects while Sadaam’s name scrolled across the screen. They are used to only dealing out $500 dollar fines based on trailer home damage and now they get handed the big leagues…death sentence….Woah! talk about some fireworks.
Anyways…these countries are competing over who gets to be wiped off the planet first…and guess what fellas…you couldn’t even let us try to dig up the info with the CIA again. Atleast that way other countries wouldn’t believe us and you’d just fight us one on one…instead you are doing us a favor…you are going to let us lead a war with international backing to get us back into the good graces of the world…
Because really….we have no chance…if war was declared on N.Korea…then we can’t just back out now….”sorry guys we’re a little tied up in our shit show duo we have going on over here. Have fun” The world would just say…fuck the US….they fight their own wars with shaky proof…now we have a guy detonating nukes underground and they do nothing…
Oh, one thing Iran has learned from N.Korea though….don’t give up on you Nuke Dreams (oh i just picture that crazy ass president playing in a re-make of Hoop Dreams….titled Nuke Dreams….instead of two kids fighting to make it to basketball stardom…its two crazy leaders ready to risk their entire country just to have the ultimate weapon to compensate for their small borders)…
Anyways…what he should learn…scare diplomacy works….N.Korea has been allowed to do whatever the fuck it wants…every so often it just creeps up talks about a nuke program and then when it starts getting out of hand they agree to talks. It would be like a retarded kid with a gun….he’s waving it around all the time…and for a while no one notices….next thing you know that fucker found out how to turn the safety off and everyone runs to him seeing what they can do to make him happy and ensure his retard strength doesn’t slip over that trigger and end your shit.
Well newsflash….he’s a fucking retard…mix some rat poison pellets in with his baggy of apple jacks and since all he does is grab fists full anyways….fucker’ll be intaking a lethal dose before you know it…
I guess currently…its like we subdue the retard by making him watch inspector gadget….and our whole plan is…when it says…”we’ll be back before you can spell inspector gadget” we just hope it keeps him occupied long enough (unfourtunately when i was little i was the retard…and would get pissed everytime if i could manage to spell it and my beloved cartoon wasn’t back on the air)…shit this reference is going no where….i just was thinking about that cartoon….fuckin Penny man…i bet she’d be hot by now if she was real….she’d be a couple years older than me now and pulling off some hot librarian thing….Brain would have died years ago…that thing was dumb as shit anyways….actually that is how inspector gadget went off the air….Dr. Claw’s cat ran across the street Brain chased it and got nailed by the Gadget mobile….Go Go Gadget Shovel….box….and funeral.
So anyways….North Korea and Iran are like the Washington Nationals and the Bengals…Wouldn’t we all just be better off if they were contracted?
Hey! What is the least likely thing you think i’d have in my possession right now?
A soul?….no
keep guessing…
if you guessed season tickets to the WNBA’s Washington Mystics…you’d be correct!!!
Now see…i’m sure there about 5 people that would be fucking thrilled to have these things….but i didn’t win these on a random raffle give away on the Ellen show….I forgot to donate these tickets….i bought two tickets to a caps playoff game…and guess what they came with…that’s right…season tickets to the Mystics..
WNBA…that really doesn’t say much for your league..
So bottom line…if anyone wants to get shit-housed and watch some sound fundamentals and maybe even LEFT-HANDED LAY-UPS!!! let me know….most exciting bounce passes in professional sports today…
Two things i would like to go…get shit faced and just start screaming caps chants
Lure some actual fans in by researching the team and purchasing a jersey (does the league have enough to support that?) and by the 4th quarter i have revealed my true self.
Honestly, i have ABSOLUTELY nothing against women’s sports. I just don’t like when they try to market it as an exciting sport to watch…or something comparable to mens professional sports…Especially basketball….a woman or two dunks and they get on sports center….guys dunk in every NBA game…if they highlighted male dunks like female dunks…an episode of sports center would be about 5 hours long….WNBA get over yourself….well i guess you have if you are offering buy one ticket get a season’s worth free…
I saw a guy on a crotch rocket that just looked like a DB and i decided i want to get rich enough to buy a town in Jersey and re-name it Douchebaggington see…it works since most D-bags live in NJ anyways….i’ll get them a NBA team and have baron davis, jason kidd, kenyon martin, ron artest, jj reddick playing from them with mark cuban as a player/coach/owner….Jackie Moon style!! Everyone must have their hair gelled at all times…and drive either….BMWs that were given to them when they were 16…Tricked out CRXs….Crotch rockets with matching motorcycle gear…they guys there can only date girls from Assholevania where they can only drive SUVs …wear 10lbs of make-up ..only listen to American Idol CDs…and use internet lingo (such as LOL, BRB, and OMG) in everyday speak.
So i’m glad we are all pro-socialism now….just because Obama has a good personality and has Some good ideas…doesn’t mean we should just let him run away with it here….You do realize we are open to Socialism now right?
See as companies continue to borrow money our government has gotten the idea that since they owe them so much money they should have a say who owns them….So yeah, AIG sucks….big time….but now they have a gov’t appointed CEO….So now we have a major financial institution run by the government….and we are obsessed with bailing out Detroit and they’ve fucked themselves worse than AIG did….so what’s to stop them from appointing more CEOs for those companies? You realize we already had to block laws that gave unfair advantages for our own companies….which always sounds good accept that it works directly against capitalism…and thwarts innovation and competition….things that made this country….You think computers would have advanced as quick in this country if there was just one company that the government ran…and offerred discounts to you for buying from them? Well that’s going to be the problem now…obviously i’m playing out a whole scenario here…but what’s to say if the government ran GM they wouldn’t then package some legislation together that gave major financial breaks to people that buy GM…it would be disguised under “supporting america” and the “blue-collared working man” but what it would actually do is sound death to Capitalism….just think about that before you heap praise on Obama…and act like he can do no wrong…
You know how you could improve our economy? Offer bonuses for innovation…force companies to hire these people with tons of experience that have been laid-off because they were too expensive…partner them with your young professionals….Give a huge goal…like a technology just on the horizon…or just a liiitle too far away from being in everyday life….saaaay…hydrogen fuel cells…the first company that can sucessfully make a decently cost hydrogen fuel cell car…BAM! there’s your HUGE bonus….just a big ass lump of money….all comanies that show considerable progress can also get a chunk so you don’t just create a monopoly and you also try to atleast keep them at the same level they were at before this…
Then combine this with gas companies and all sorts of other companies…who can figure out the best idea to change infrastructure to support this renewable resource…gas stations that show the best plans to atleast off one hydrogen pump at high traffic gas stations. Government could basically play fucking pitchmen….get billy mays in here and whatever start-up company has the best plan to be a hydrogen energy refueling company…the government funds it….
I know its all high-cost and way too outside the box for us to ever try…but we are already pissing away 100s of billions why not get somewhere?
Oh well…in the meantime lets keep buying 100 billion dollar band-aids on severed arteries and hope it stops the bleeding.
Now i don’t want you to think i’m all super-anti Obama (that’s a technical term…sorry)…I think his personality and foreign policy are great…but he’s looking at completely changing what our company was built on…
Don’t fool yourself…we were founded on greed….and greed is what keeps us going…it doesn’t mean YOU have to be that way…but those ultra-successful HUGE money grubbers..cutthroats…those are the ones that got us to the top…Wanna value size that? Drive a military vehicle (Hummer)? That’s right…this is America…(fuck yeah!)
…and i’m arrogant of our arrogance…yeah its closed-minded..but i don’t know if there is another country so sure of itself in the world…and that kind of kicks ass
Wow….that got serious huh…
Think about this… Pocket Rockets = both terminology for being dealt two aces in texas hold ’em AND Pockets having an erection.
whew…there we go…
What really happened to our economy…
So my idea relating to the economy..yet another theory.
This one is based off of myths and lore from yesteryear.
I’m speaking of course of the NASDAQ Indians.
Now you see before Columbus landed in North America…Vikings landed first…and what they found was the largest tribe of Native Americans ever known…only problem…no artifacts…or people survived the epic fights…
The Vikings pillaged and burned…burned and pillaged…and threw in some rape for good measure. They went to their capital city (right around modern day new york) and demanded to speak to the chief. They had heard that this tribe was blessed with unfathomable amounts of gold and treasure. When the chief couldn’t present the gold…the vikings got angry. Sven (their leader) demanded their riches. Blackfoot (the NASDAQ leader) explained to them that their gold was in fact legendary, but that it wasn’t in money, but in friendship…community..and culture… This angered Sven…he wiped out the entire people as well as anything proving their existence. Before Blackfoot died however, he told Sven…that he or any other person would suffer the NASDAQ’s great revenge if anyone ever encroached on their land again…whoever built on their land would be robbed of all of their money…as ironic payback from when they were robbed of their own ‘gold’.. Just so happens that is where Wall St. currently resides.he said the curse for settling on his land would strike 793 years from that point…guess what year it was…yup you guessed it…1215. No wonder it showed its ugly head in 2008.
However a small force of people were later discovered…very distant descendants of the NASDAQs they were said to have been turned white from the purity of their distant ancestors….so white that they would need “SPF 500″ not to burn….they founded the S&P 500 . Rich…up tight…and not willing to change much…comfortable with their entrenchment in society.
I don’t think these are too many coincidences to ignore…
In response…we launch a ‘pocket sized’ attack. Send Pockets out feeling faces…asking each one…”Is that you?” eventually he will find our country’s Peter Pan.
Oh and the Civil War? didn’t happened….why would the call us “The UNITED States of America” if we were two separate entities at one time… dummies.
More stuff about women…
So more dates falling through without any reason given….it would be a lot easier if the girl just said…yeah i’m not interested…but things are going good…next thing i know…just complete cut off of communication.
Anyways…
Why is acceptable for a woman to condemn certain friends a man hangs out with…or certain hobbies or activities that she doesn’t like…but it is completely out of bounds for a man to do the same. When you stop a guy from hanging out with his guy friends he doesn’t get to have ‘testosterone time’ so he is more likely to not believe to behave like a caveman for a sustained period of time. Without this necessary burnoff the girlfriend is likely to feel most of the repercussion. Don’t be surprised if he now only wants to ‘watch the game’ and wont pay attention to you when you talk to him.
Let him drink some beer…hang out with the guys…play video games…it will only be good for you in the end.
But yeah like i was saying…if I were to tell a girl flat out “i don’t like friend X I don’t want you hanging around them anymore” I would be labeled and insensitive dick. A girl does it…no nevermind demands it…or takes the backdoor approach. “I’m not saying you can’t hang out with him…I don’t want you to lose a friend…but i just don’t like being around him”. But from what i’ve experienced (maybe its just because for the majority of relationships i’ve had the girls have been pretty clingy) it just leads to a huge fight or face losing a friend. But i guess what my point is…is that i haven’t heard a guy friend say…you can’t hang out with your friend…but i’ve heard of plenty of examples of this coming from girls…I don’t know what really gives them the right sometimes (i’m not saying its all women…just saying it happens). For as much as its said that it is supposed to be a partnership…and women want to be treated like equals…some women really are just looking for an opening to try and change their man and/or impose their will on them.
Another inequality. Have you ever heard the “why can’t guys buy me drinks at the bar” argument. I’ve had it a few times….”its harmless…i’m not going to do anything..i’m with you…blah blah blah”….My perspective is that i don’t care if you don’t do anything…the guy’s intention isn’t innocent…and you know that, you are getting yourself in a questionable situation. Plus what would happened if i said “hey, I’m gonna go out with the guys and buy girls drinks.” I’m pretty sure it would be a little bit different of a response.
I know i don’t have a lot of room to bitch…but bitch is what i’m about to do. I managed to dodge a lot of the effects of the economy until this month…and it was like that fucker was just standing behind me doing everything i was doing…I feel like elmer fudd…i’m spining around to see who is behind me but the ‘waskly wabbit’ is spinning with me still behind me making fun of me…when i finally catch him he plants a kiss on me and my bell shapped rifle misfires in my face….yeah that’s what its like…i was banking on an extra 8000 a year…got almost 2000 instead…it would be ok if it was spaced out…but here’s how it went….bunch of long days working in a row…find out i’m not getting the initial 10% raise….keep working….keep working…spirit gets battered…and when i’m a beaten man…here is your annual raise…the lowest you’ve had out of any year out of college.
That being said i realize to those not getting raises or without jobs…that i seem like a dick…but i’m just typing what i’m thinking…
End Blog Transmission.
Shamrock Fest Really Stole Actual St. Patty’s Day’s Thunder
Somewhere the actual St. Patrick is pissed…he’s saying FUCK you RFK and DC 101….this is supposed to be my day! Remember me? I chased the snakes away…THE SNAKES (it was pretty easy to get a day back then….think about it…when the exterminator comes over to the house you’re just like…ok…cool thanks man. Back then…everyone fell all over themselves….oh…this guy’s great right? Hey….Tommy! Remember when we had snakes….not anymore…thanks to THIS guy!!!….I’ll drink to that!). But i guess he didn’t really get a real holiday….it is just another excuse to drink…i need someone to come with me on this one….if we can all get hammered on St. Patrick’s Day….because it was in Ireland….and Octoberfest because they do it in Germany….4th of July because we told those Brits bastards where they could shove it….why not on Flag day…because our flag is pretty cool…and lets face it…that Betsy Ross is hot shit! No…No Betsy…keep the round glasses ON this time….
AIG, cuz fuck em that’s why…that should be their new slogan….why you should invest in us (well more than you already do now since the public owns something like 80% of their company now) because we are so confident in ourselves and our future that we really don’t give a fuck about what you think and your bailout money. Its like they keep demanding money and then chuckling in the corner as they plan their big company wide pizza party. Oh, Johnson….you only asked for 150 mil!?!? How are we supposed to get beer? And what about the DJ he doesn’t work on high hopes and fuzzy feelings! Get congress back on the phone lets up that shit up to the 160s. Now you may remember that in an earlier blog i was supporting bonuses for CEO’s but honestly part of that was to be devil’s advocate…and i still believe it to a point…because that was talking about all companies in the bailout….But AIG you’ve screwed the pooch enough times that the fucked up little puppy that has resulted is popping out fully vested in a 401K and has dress shoes and socks on. You are the company that just keeps asking for more and more…its time to be ‘humble’ if you call humble not taking millions of dollars in bonuses while the people that trusted you are having their homes foreclosed.
At work we don’t have the internet except for one page…and it just has updates about the industry…and suprise suprise it only contains good info about our company and this horrible news about everyone else…I swear to god its like a N.Korean site and our CEO is the great leader. Everything is going to be ok…Great Leader says so…oh shit that reminds me time to dust the picture, pray for his health, and sing the ‘good leader is a great and merciful great leader’ song. Its funny though because i went on CNN.com yesterday and the headline was literally “Rudy’s company currently being TROUNCED by Wal-Mart” …Fuckin trounced. Beat…beat badly…on the decline…all easier terms than Trounced…that shit does not sound good.
Guys have it rough. 1) in this economy a woman can just say she’s waiting for the right job…or using the time to catch up on reading…or really any excuse…moving back home is perfectly acceptable. When a man loses a job or moves in with the parents he is seen as pathetic…probably by those same girls that have done the same exact thing.
2) Boners….trying to conceal a boner is a dark art. I’m partial to the using the belt to secure it against you body…but then you just have to walk carefully because as it starts to go away you can run the risk of now the partial boner slipping out from underneath the belt and making a noticeable appearance in the jeans. And then you just have to do the careful awkward walk (which could have been the answer in the first place) where you hope you can find an angle where it isn’t as noticeable…and hoping that your pants aren’t going to start rubbing in the wrong way…your half stack is about to be full blown…you are teetering on disaster. And god forbid if a chick notices…maybe if it is your girl and you are in the confines of your house she’ll go ahead and do the humane thing and help you lose it…but guess what a public appearance is completely different. Either they think it is funny (your girl friends…or girlfriend) or random women are disgusted as you are walking around sheepishly kind of like a dog that has the red rocket flapping around and has realized that its not an appropriate time.
See girls don’t have to worry about that…there is no way to tell..maybe the nips make an apperance…but its easy…just say you’re cold….A guy can’t say…oh its just the weather that gave me this huge erection…don’t mind me…
Blog?
Oh man…my blog fuel is running on fumes right now…i need topics and ideas to function further…
Here’s all i’ve got..
A-Rod decided after giving his press conference telling everyone that his cousin hooked him up with the ‘roids it would be a good idea to be seen in public with him ASAP. Like try the first or second spring training game…atleast if you were out eating you could say..’hey just having family time’ but you decided to leave the ball park with him…you are an idiot sir.
Hey you know what’s dumber than A-Rod…the idea that to stop foreclosers we get to help people that tried to live a larger life than their salary pay for their houses…Why can’t anything ever be passed that just helps the hard working honest people? seriously…at this point i’m almost ok with a screw the homless bill if it just means that blue collared and middle class get something for them.
I saw something on tv that said ‘is it worth it to go to college’ oh i don’t know…ask the 50 people that work for me that get paid hourly and work 2 jobs just to get by…those people bust their asses everyday….i’m pretty sure if you said…hey…take some time off we’ll pay for school don’t worry about bills…they wouldn’t say fuck you…i love working 80 hours a week and not seeing my family…i’m guessing they will go the college route and be happy with their huge amount of debt…but even happier with their higher salary and only one job.
I decided to weigh myself today….i weigh 210 lbs. see i had known for a while that i hit and was probably over the 2 century mark but had been putting off the scale for a while to avoid seeing the damage…i really want to get into shape…but don’t want to put an elaborate plan together that i’m just going to ignore…I’m assuming that by cutting down beer intake a lot of other stuff will follow…
Less beer = less snap decisions to order food
Less beer = more time to be productive
Less Beer = ability to function physically
And the only other thing i’ve got is i’m going to unload the truck everyday which should help out a bit….cuz that’s a solid 1-1.5 hour of lifting and throwing things as fast as you can…so that’s solid..
really though, a workout plan i could live with would be steady sex…but that ain’t happening so i guess i better put an order in for ‘The Gazelle’ and ‘the ab lounge’ Help me out Tony Little.
Pirate Mike was asking about possible playlists for the cruise…here’s an idea…anything that doesn’t have lyrics to have to sing and remember…it should just be fun sounds…because that is all we will be able to grasp at that point.
Here’s my playlist….Wake up….go up by pool…hit on girls…drink…get drunk…attempt to get laid…off shore excursion…back on boat…waterslide…shower…casino…get drunk…hit on more girls…try and get laid again….win the scavenger hunt that consists of finding my keys…wallet…and room…..
Because seriously…lil wayne songs and jai ho can’t even beat that shit.
JMU mike confirmed that we don’t need a passport for the cruise….
Ok pop quiz hot shot! What about a vial of my blood and an expired military ID? Why aren’t i using my driver’s license you ask…just don’t wanna.
Snow way! I can’t believe its snowing!
I’m going to address the blog readers topics first…
Bonerjames…i like where your head is at 1/3 of the time…because i’m down for some basketball
Potential names for our Basketball team (s)
1) Carnival Crusin’ For A Brusin’
2) Eiffel Tower (only for 3 on 3…or i guess 2 on 1)
3) A-Train (people would assume it is because of ant, but actually we will all be wearing shirts of the failed running back anthony thomas)
4) Dora the sexual explorers
5) Little foot featuring the indians in the cupboard
6) Bangarang
7) Jai Ho
8) Slumdog dollar menu billionaires
For street hockey there would only be one option of course and that is
“The Street Sharks” we would be required to yell ‘jawesome’ after every goal..time out and period…
Next…
A-Rod…
Wow this guy knows how to dig some holes…he should think about construction….I was 24 or 25 i was young and stupid back then…yeah well put A-Rod…i’m 24 and guess what for over 10 years i have known that steroids were …dangerous, stupid, illegal….in middle school when i found out McGwire had been using them i already knew it was bad…much less now…when guess what…i’m 20 fucking 4 years old…(not 204…24) and i just have the reinforced even more…guess what…staying awake at my job is hard…but i don’t blow lines off the counter because it “might give me an edge and justify my salary” I just either…a) push through it/tough it out B) suck it up c) slam a legal supplement like an energy drink…
He also decided to say he didn’t know if he was doing it right so it might not have had an effect at all. Wow, everytime he attempts to take a step forward…he doesn’t just take two back…he stumbles down a flight of stairs…just say “yup, i took steroids…bad decision…i cheated but i’m getting my shit together” cuz guess what you said you injected yourself twice a month with the ‘roids…so how exactly were you not doing it right? You weren’t sure if they had an effect? Oh, yeah that’s hard to see…you missed the least amount of games in your career due to injury and your RBI and HR Avgs were higher than any other season.
A-Rod you make OJ look like a super genius…i mean your dumbassery is right up there with the book he was going to put out “If I Did It”
Its ballsy of you…we find out you cheat and then you donate 3.7 mil to miami so they can name their baseball stadium after you.
If people forgive you for what you did…i have a great excuse for another year…i was around 24 or 25…i didn’t know better…
what else did he say…oh he changed things from his peter gammons interview…so 2 interviews and a press conference with different answers everytime but i’m going to believe you now…
i was 24 i was young and dumb….don’t worry…i’m squared away now…lied in a nationally televised interview (how young and dumb were you then cuz that was like a year or two ago) i cheated on my wife, am going after madonna 25 years too late…but its cool cuz i’m more mature and know she can’t have babies anymore so i’m just being responsible…
Well atleast he plays for the yankees they have this routine down pat by now…Andy, Roger, Alex, Jason…the yankees are the first family of the steroid era
Bud Selig says not to blame him…he tried but the union made it difficult…wow…way to go…i thought you were in charge of the MLB not held hostage by others in your organization
I FUCKING HATE BASEBALL NOW
Not one person can take responsibility for what has happened….first it was the players…but now they can learn from the top…sweet
Black People and Scuba Diving…
Ant…i want to be able to snorkel or go diving with you on the cruise…but seriously i’m going to be stressed out the whole time….you made it through skiing so you’ve conquered frozen water…now all the sudden you want to be completely submerged..
Ant i’m pulling for you though…we can set it to some special olympic style fucking music as you smile and wave getting lowered into the water and if you make it you will cause a groundswell of support for the sport and give hope to those in bad situations world wide…just be ready for the fame.
And lets face it…black people tend to have a position that is anti-water….
Also, the only thing lamer than a black person skiing is a middle-aged white guy roller skating with pulled up tube socks and some old school short ass gym shorts.
I’m gonna need you to start snowboarding ASAP
Hey have you heard Obama wants to pass a sweet gun law.
Yeah now all guns will have to be registered with the federal not state government…sweet…if you move you have to alert the state 60 days prior to the moving and then re-register you guns for the new place or you are a felon…
Do you honestly think that the majority of firearm crimes are committed by people with registered weapons…because i doubt it…i’m going to guess the same people that have illegal or unregistered weapons now…are going to be the same people moving wherever the fuck they want to without reporting their firearms…so guess what…you’re just offering another chance for innocent people or atleast people guilty of non-violent crimes to take up more prison space and tax-payer money…but hey if you are trying to create jobs why not just go ahead and declare the US a giant police state and get to building some fences and more prisons…creates jobs right…furthers your agenda right…he while you’re at it go ahead and take a page out of you Chavez’s book…see if you can get an amendment passed to get rid of the two term limit..
Now here’s where i’m torn…i like the fact that Obama has been frank with the media and putting congress on blast and saying he doesn’t care about another term…that’s how all politicians need to be…but guess what…your cabinet is not the same fucking way…so having one guy at the top preach it so Everyone below him can continue what they normally do is like a huge fucking whitewash on the public…Anyone want to take a guess if Joe Biden (a career politician) cares about re-election…or what about Hillary…oh wait we all know she has no further ambitions…she’s docile right? Well atleast we don’t have to hear about any more people he was nominating breaking the law..
Like i’ve said before..i don’t want people to think i’m an obama hater…i’ve just had high hopes and he is butchering them so far…deliver on your promises…they don’t have to be immediate…just be consistent…
Really though…John McCain is no better…he looks like an ass right now for trying to blast Obama after the stimulus package thing….i understand…i don’t like it either…but someone actually needs to put their money where their mouth is when it comes to ‘bi-partisanship’ because right now its not fucking happening and its getting old. Its like a elementary school popularity contest…and i think its funny (though i don’t necessarily disagree now…) with the salary caps they have imposed…because guess what…i doubt if we said if you don’t stop these stalemates and lack of results and running the country into the ground we are going to hit you with a salary limit they would stand for that shit…
Guess what one of the main people from Nevada that put together the final sum for the stimulus bill made sure to keep the $8 billion project constructing a fast railway from Las Vegas to LA…now i can see how you can kind of justify it because of the money they will eventually spend there…but i’m pretty sure they aren’t going to spend $8 billion in Vegas anytime soon…so what the fuck..
that sums it up WHAT THE FUCK
our economy sucks..
We keep doing the same old thing
incompetency rules the day
Overnight retail sucks
Not getting laid sucks
I can’t find a decent hobby to keep me busy
WHAT THE FUCK
(continue submitting your topics and i’ll continue typing shit about them)
Depression = ‘The Boss’ , Super Bowl Ads, The Economy
Back from williamsburg after the dad’s 50th…lack of sleep, switching up my sleep schedule, and the beer has me in an interesting state.
I’ve already practiced the guitar…can’t play too much more and expect to be productive with red blistered fingers….i’ve already read plenty over the last couple days…i started drinking so i can’t workout…sports center is still all over the super bowl’s dick…and i’ve beaten all my Xbox games….This is what purgatory must feel like…not happy…not sad…just fucking bored..with a lot of time on my hands.
Well for the second year in a row i worked during super bowl…and for the second year it looked like a shitty game so i went to sleep at halftime to get ONE more hour of sleep before work so i could make it through work and then drive to Williamsburg…next thing i know i’m getting to work and all i hear is “AND THE CARDINALS HAVE TAKE N THE LEAD”…lame
‘big ben’ is never going to be a full blown star..because he always looks like he just stumbled out of his double wide hung over after a long domestic dispute ending in violence the night before….actually…i think the movie ‘the wrestler’ is actually about big ben…hmm….only time will tell.
I thought the one second highlife commercial was funny…i also liked the doritos commercial where they guy threw the snow globe through the vending machine and then later hit his boss in the balls…clever…
Time to send the Horses to the ‘ol glue factory though…JESUS! those commercials sucked…and they were long…oh cute the horse is running after the white horse that was part of the circus…All it did was show him run across the screen for a solid minute…by the end all i could think was..boy that horse REALLLY wanted to fuck….and i didn’t want that picture…maybe if you spent less time blowing money on ‘drinkability’ and ‘touching horse commercials’ you wouldn’t have been bought out…assholes…
Denny’s…bravo…some people have been calling them stupid…i guess you just don’t see the point…yeah it costs them a shit load of cash…but people that haven’t been to Denny’s in 10 years atleast thought about it yesterday…..In related news JMU Mike stood out in line starting at 4am when he found out they were giving out ‘free grandslams’ don’t worry buddy…one day…..I think Lifestyles should have done free AIDeS with purchase of the assortment pack or something…Better yet…stand by your product…if you get your girl pregnant while wearing one of these we’ll punch her in the stomach for you and never even mention contact with you….or free abortion or adoption consultation…(adoption would actually be the key…lifestyles pokes holes in condoms at random…and then just gets a shit load of labor out of the whole thing….free workforce…for life)
I don’t like bruce springstein…end of story…I just expected him to come out at half time and ‘Scream…ARE YOU READY…who wants it?’ Then he just starts clapping and screaming….’BORN IN THE USAAAAAAAAHHHHHAWAS’ Bouncers jobs are actually to hold the front row in place at the barricade while others attempt to pull away and jet for the exits. The picks are getting safer and safer now…
If you want to go ‘safe’ you could always book a band like The Red Hot Chili Peppers…i know they don’t have a new release out that they are able to market exclusively to wal-mart after always ‘representing the common people’ but they still have a lot of kick ass songs and worst case scenario when Flea comes out in his underwear there might be skidmarks…but no breasts popping out…no cussing…everyone’s happy and you don’t have to watch old ass Bruce attempting to power slide across the stage and act like ‘he’s still got it’
Looks like new people…people our age moved in the apt across the hall…good bye noise complaints…hello new members to club 215…i might have to pick up a velvet rope…Ant..there are alot of things i WANT to say…but i wont…..you keep your dignity for today sir..
I bought franz ferdinand’s new cd…its pretty good…one thing is kind of weird though…its like they found the synthesizer 20 years late…that have that shit in EVERY song…Its like they just discovered Duran Duran and Wham! but they aren’t really too keen on the ‘Choose Life’ getup so they would just pay then tribute with all the synth.
I’m glad to see public opinion has faded on the stimulus plan…I can’t believe the government was just going to try and tack on millions…no billions of dollars to the bill that had nothing to do with economic stimulation…there was something like 300 million for std education. which in itself is fine..but that would be like if i asked for some money to help with groceries and came back with a keg, paintball gun, and a pack of hotdogs..i guess technically i got food…but really for the other 300 bucks you were expecting more and while the beer will be drank and the paintball gun is cool…you’ve just paid for a months worth of food but wont be able to eat after about a week’s time…There was something for reseeding the mall….with all the ‘pork’ in this bill i don’t think its going to do great things for Obama’s plans to get off on a good foot with Islamic countries…
Also, have you seen that he has capped salaries for companies that received bailout money…sounds good up front…cuz no one wants to see these fuckers paying themselves enormous salaries while they run failing companies…but number 1…he’s already interfering in the market (what ever happened to the ‘hands off’ approach we were founded on?) by bailing out failing companies instead of well…letting them fail and maybe some lessons learned…but now the heads of these companies that can’t even be that great in the first place since their companies are tanking are getting their salaries capped. Hmm, as much as i hate to see him make a million i hate it even more for him to make 500K and then not give a shit about his job because he’s not going to make any more….Also, with the economy being weak and everyone wanting it fixed it is the perfect time for the government to grow to astronomical proportions…it starts with capping salaries for bailout companies…but really that just opens the door…
What happens when it looks like ‘crops are failing’ and the government just decides to take over and regulate those too…
Oh, while we’re at it…repeal the second amendment….cuz after all guns are dangerous…our government was never supposed to be an institution that issued laws to protect us from ourselves…i was supposed to be able to do what i wanted as long as it didn’t infringe on someone else’s right…shit if i wanna go smoke pot with Michael Phelps (poor kid is stricken by Eli Manning syndrome cuz he looks like he should be hanging out with Jim Kelly and Doug Flutie’s kids) then me and him should just be able to rip bong hits until the blue comedy tour variety show starts being funny.
Universal healthcare…sounds great…until 60% of your salary goes to paying for it…or until now the government gets to decide who gets what surgery…The government will give it to us for ‘free’ but guess what there will have to be all sorts of regulations for who is eligable for what organs or operations…think about it…the government running it would be like having a monopoly on hospitals…what makes more sense…giving a 30 yr old a new kidney or a 65yr old…you could see a huge surge of ageism surge since the government will be looking to get more of a bang for their buck…’i can give this kidney to someone that will use it for 60 years or someone that might go at any time…sorry old man’
I guess what i’m getting at is that its fucking scary right now…the economy sucks…we have plans on the borders of socialism on the plate…and these are the times when you look back at history that tyrants have risen up…or that governments have collapsed….i still think Obama is a good guy…but you just can’t tell which way we are going here…and with all the Obama fever….he can do pretty much anything right now and get away with it…and that scares the shit out of me.
I was gone but apparently 215 was in full swing on a Tuesday no less…well it was Ant’s birthday…but i’m sure you’ve already heard about that….it was the cleanest battle displayed at 215…with 2 cases consumed and only two soldiers wounded…don’t worry though….i sent them to Walter Reid…they’re expected to make a full recovery and eventually be exploited for some type of documentary on Iraq.
Ant got more athletic wear for his birthday…i was getting nervous…i thought there might be a day when he would have to wear a polo…or maybe not sweats/gym shorts/wind pants….but thank god…his brother came through…but i don’t know Ant i hope he gave you the receipts…incase he got you a large that actually fits…cuz whe know you like pouring yourself into mediums…it wouldn’t suprise me if mike opened his drawer one day and all his clothes were clean and folded…but stretched out…
It has been confirmed you can hear pirate mike crystal clear while in other apartments…I guess its not all bad for them…the surrounding aparments will always know when a good dance party is about to get going….well i guess that doesn’t really narrow it down…i’ve witnessed mike dance while on the phone..making a PB&J, playing beer pong, in between sets while working out, while driving, while eating, i think he’s managed to dance while dancing…its a hard concept…basically where there should be gaps in dancing he just kicks it into overdrive…its amazing…if we could harness 1/100 of his daily energy…fuck hydrogen fuel cells…we’ve go the new green…or scratch that…gray energy form.
Return of the king! (of mediocre blog posts)
Ok…first of all i want to apologize…you showed me love…you showed me support and as you sat there…mouth open like a bunch of needy baby birds instead of regurgitating some sustenance i shat in your mouths…and that’s just not good parenting by papa blog.
Subjects to be covered…the ongoing tournament….Obama…Michelle Obama….Big Mac….Magic…Gran Torino…..
I’m starting with the normal blog stuff and finishing with the tourney…
First off…OBAMA…OBAMA…Celebrate good OBAMA…COME ON!!!
Ok well i’ve actually gotten over Obama fever way quicker than expected….because…oh wait…he’s appointed a bunch of corrupt people for ‘change we can believe in’ and his solution to his problem is…shrugging his shoulders and throwing money at it until the economy’s bill collectors stop calling his phone…his ultra top notch blackberry that stops spys from looking at him and can kill Putin with a few nifty key strokes.
(texts putin: Boom Bitch! you’re entire country is red now (with blood)….how’s some nostalgia taste!)
I don’t understand the concept of the bailout (actually i kind of do but am saying that to make a point) You are taking failing companies and giving them more money? They aren’t good at their jobs…when i have employees that aren’t good at their jobs…they either get fired or get no raise….I don’t go to them and say…oh shit…i don’t know why you can’t pay your bills…its not your poor work ethic or lack of skill…you’re a good person at heart…here….take my salary….no…they get nothing and get put on paper.
I call the current plan to save the economy the Obama Umbilical cord….
Because right now Obama has about 12 of them trailing out of his ass and whatever company gets near just plugs into one of them and writes down a dollar amount and that gets sucked out of papa Obama…except that papa Obama is being fed by Grandpa UNITED FUCKING STATES CITIZENS…
Here’s the problem…i can see how a bail out can be a temporary solution…BUT….don’t you feel like by doing that you are ‘stabilizing’ a ‘fake’ economy….that’s like families that have people hooked up to the heart and lung machines but referring to the relative as ‘alive’ if our economy never naturally bottoms out on its own what will happen?
I feel like we need to let it go for a bit…hit a natural bottom and rebuild…a tax cut wont help (america’s scared we’ll just save the rebate) a bail out wont help (our deficit grows and failing companies get a chance to fail twice as hard)….HIT FUCKING BOTTOM….America will always rebound…..any time we’ve faced adversity we’ve rebounded to be stronger than ever….Depression…WWII…just look at it…remember the groundswell of support we felt after 9/11???? We would remember we’re a country again and band together…we’d get through it…it may take longer but i would happen together…and in the long run we’d be better…
But for now the morphine drip continues….the heart and lung machine keeps pumping away…and us relatives just continue to hope ‘one day he’ll wake up’
Michelle Obama….Black Sigourney Weaver…seriously…looks just like her…
Good news! If alien attack happens…strip her down to a white tee…panties and a flame thrower and we’ll be good to go…beat that FRANCE!
Jay McGwire…What a piece of shit…he ratted his brother out for using steroids….
I don’t care if my brother killed hookers and stole from children for a living…guess what no one would find out through me…because he’s my fucking brother!
Nothing could hurt worse than that….My parents could disown me and somehow get me thrown in jail for having burned CDs….I could get thrown out of my Apt. and fired in the same day and that wouldn’t be half as bad as if my brother ratted me out…
What the fuck!
I’m not on Mark’s side with steroids…we know you’ve done them and you didn’t admit…you’re quite a large POS…but Jay is atleast 20 Couric’s heavier (according to the south park scale where a couric is the standard measuring weight of shit based on the weight of katie couric) than him.
Ok so your brother hit a bunch of HRs because he had a bowl of HGH every morning…and some back acne to wash it down….he’s not getting in the HOF anyways….so not only did you rat out your bro you kicked him when he was down…
Jay…i hope you get fired from Costco tomorrow when your boss finds out…
Next subject…
I don’t believe in magic…which is crazy…because i DO believe in the internet…
I could not tell you in a 100 word…10000000 word essay how the internet works..FUCK!
I type in words and next thing i know an entire moving…breathing fucking website appears….how?!?!
Obviously by the power of Oden and Thor… (fondles Thor hammer around neck)
Seriously…does anyone want to explain to me how i have an entire planet of information and a universe worth of porn at my fingertips at any given time
David Copperfield makes a plane disappear and i’m like “BULLSHIT…magic’s not real!”
But i type any couple words i want into this device and it appears before me in seconds and that’s feasable…
i bet if you went back and time and compared the two…it would be much more likely that David Blane was a real deal wizard Vs. the internet being real…
The internet would be getting burned at the stake…or having rocks tied to it and thrown in the river to see if it was a witch or not..
To people that have see Gran Torino…
Do you now question everything Clint Eastwood says?
Seriously, I liked him before (the movie was awesome by the way don’t be swayed not to see it by anything that follows the end of these parentheses unless i say ‘go see it’) but after this movie i can’t look at him and not think he’s racist…becuase i’m pretty sure he co-wrote it…or i atleast know he directed it….Clint Eastwood spouted more racist shit than i had heard in 20 years of movie going in a 2 hour span…. he referred to black people as spooks….SPOOKS…that is some old school…deep seeded ass racism….He called an asian a ‘slope’ no idea…anyone care to let me in on a racist ass secret….damn Clint…calm the fuck down…he seriously would sling around racists names about 10 per scene…’zipperhead’ probably the most said…but the cool thing was he verbally bitch slapped the white guy too….so i guess that was Clint’s attempt at…hey i’m not racist…see?!?!…i just like to say words that wound people…
You know what’s sad…i trust print a lot more than TV….it’s sad because most of the time people that had the opportunity to appear on TV for the most part should be ‘experts’ but every time i read something in print i feel like i have some kind of insider information….’oh shit…i heard…blah blah blah…and that shit’s the truth…I READ THAT SOMEWHERE!’ And i’m not even joking…as much as i think this blog is a joke…if i read another blog and it said according the CNN the world is flat…and gave some link to a blank page…i’d think…holy shit…it is flat…and the government blocked the page……oh my god…my government isn’t honest….or um…i mean…even less honest than originally thought.
Ok this i getting quite long….and i have the night off…so here’s the deal…this is my random Bullshit…and later in the day i will post a second blog with just tourney coverage…guess what…215 vs. Injury will take place on top of FFX towers and Billy Mays Will Fight Vince the Shamwow! guy…
Peace out yo!
New Year’s Resolution: Be More Awesome/Rock Harder
One part of my about ten part new years resolution is getting the blog atleast close to daily updates again… slackers at work rejoice!
Subjects Covered:
Working Overnight
IL Political Situation
JMU “Rain Man” Mike
7-11 and How i run my errands
Chris Berman Is Back
NFL
So i had two trucks last night…i’m not sure but i think i’ve finally figured out what’s going on with my distribution center (the people that send me trucks)…I’m pretty sure they have a ‘Fuck Rudy’ button….Rudy has just relaxed from the 4th quarter he thinks its all over…ALL HANDS ON DECK…make sure to throw some KY on these trucks cuz he’s about to get fucked…again…I am the DC’s Whore…Seriously…2 trucks is a promise of a 12 hour day at minimum…i should have been there until 9 until my overnight manager Scott decided to jump on the grenade…For fuck’s sake…this makes no sense…Also, most of my team works two jobs…so guess what…around 6am (that’s right while you get up a little TOO early before your shift…realize its too cold to get up and piss and then go back to sleep for two more hours…)i’m having a fucking crisis in my store, everyone has to start leaving so they can get an hour of sleep before their next shift…and how can i honestly look at sweet hispanic women that work their asses off and tell them…’well sorry no sleep for you…now back to work!’ My team’s awesome i’m not gonna do that…It’s just time to realize i get paid good money because i’m my company’s bitch…Yeaaaaaah more physical labor… See while the most physical labor you may have at your job is deciding where to walk to lunch….on any given night an overnight manager can physically unload the truck…pull the pallets (stacked about 7 feet or so high) to their spot on the floor….carry the boxes from the pallets to their specific aisle…stock those boxes…clean up the trash…take the leftover stuff that doesn’t fit on the shelves (backstock) to the backroom…and then finally put that stuff into the stockroom…all before listening to the opening manager complain about how little sleep they got…or how they had to stay up late to watch their favorite movie or something…oh shit! Sorry…sorry you had to be part of society for an extra hour…now if you’d excuse me i’m due to get some awkward stares at 7-11 for an early morning beer purchase.
This leads me to my next thought…
Working overnight leads to very questionable purchases…i want to be healthier…seriously i do…but imagine if everything was closed until 11PM for you…would you still feel like going to the grocery store or running errands…on a work night…i’m guessing probably not…and see this is a daily dilemma for me…cuz i could run all the errands i need to but then i have to switch my sleep schedule around…
So what this leads to is buying way more things than i should at 7-11…this starts at the least alarming, which is buying alcohol…a very limited…overpriced selection of alcohol…but you pay for the ease of purchase…but there should be a discount if you buy beer before noon on a weekday…cuz people look at you like you’ve just murdered their whole family in the parking lot…cleaned up and decided you needed to grab some beer for your get away.
But the alarming part comes from my food purchases…most people look at the things spinning on the rollers and think to themselves “who the fuck would eat that grade F hobo shit”
Well me and the two homeless people and the potential illegals in 7-11 are staring at those rollers just waiting..PRAYING…HOPING that mystery meat is up to temperature…Although it causes instant heartburn nothing beats the quick service and satisfaction you get out of a cheese injected cheeseburger big bite…or perhaps the assorted tacquitos….or like today one of they shotty egg sandwiches…i’ll make a deal with you…i bet the only time you would ever consider digesting this bile is when you are drunk and 7-11 is the only place open…for ME??? This is a meal CHOICE.
My car is 4000 miles over for an oil change…it took me over a month to get a haircut (and if you read the previous blog you saw how that went)…I have to pay rent today…mail out my car payment…
Ok maybe the last two are just my fault…well…working overnight and being a procrastinator probably isn’t the best combo…but whatever.
Oh…speaking of bills…my old gym…like ’07 old just tried to charge my card for $370….WHAT!?!? Did you think i was such a fucking workhorse (seeing as though i hadn’t been there since i lived in manassas well over a year and a half ago) that you think you could charge me after the fact…trying to give me a sense of nostalgia? Trying to tell me something! I get it World Gym…you say i’m out of shape…well i say you’re out of line…good luck getting your money…
I like how are politicians are supposed to be helping us get things brought into law and refine the system we currently have…yeah this is fucking hilarious…
The Gov. of IL i’m not even going to attempt to spell his name got caught…ON FUCKING TAPE…basically selling senate seats…hmmm…apparently he has been arrested..but how are you arrested but still hold your job…i’m not sure but if i told people on my team…there is a management slot open…and i’m not saying its for you…but there are a few cds i’d like to listen to and if anyone could make them materialize i’d sure remember that….Seriously? I’d be fired the SECOND human resources got wind of it….THE SECOND…meanwhile this big ‘ol d-bag is being told to ‘resign’. Politicians are saying…oh have class…resign…What? Class…have you seen what he has committed but you just expect him to suddenly say…My bad…i’m done…give it to the next guy….Here’s a new law to enact…if you commit a CRIME and are supposed to represent the government of the US and its people…you’re fucking DONE SON!!! How are we supposed to have faith in our government at this time when the people in power can just do whatever the fuck they want…us little people are hit with the depression…fuck it…stop calling it a recession…its awful and its lasting atleast for 2009 from what all the smart people are predicticating. But i guess it’s not officially a depression until all the people in the good ol boys club are hit…I think Obama’s dog should be an attack dog…blind fold it…drench all members of congress’ genitals with different animal scents…the ones that still own testicles go on…the rest are banished to Mexico. Atleast that would help weed out some of them. Then Arnold gets changed to Sgt at arms of Congress…anyone he even suspects of thinking about corruption gets pummeled no questions asked…and thus our government is reformed…
US government…if you wish to nominate me for the nobel prize or any other high honor…just leave a comment
JMU Mike might as well be called Rain Man Mike….This guy knows the capitals of countries you’ve never heard of…don’t even try to test it..he will embarass you which is hard because you never thought you even cared to know obscure world capitals…well he’ll do it as long as People’s Court is on…Cuz he’s “gotta see judge wopner…definitely gotta see judge wopner…definitely definitely gotta see judge wopner”
Chris Berman had a great call…Ravens Vs. Dolphins… Ron (in a palin impression) He’s a Maverick McClain goes in for a TD! Nice to see you’re back Berman…
Ant congrats on your birds winning in the 1st round
Pirate Mike: Congrats on VT winning a game that when looking preseason should have just been a normal game on the schedule…way to go tech? How can you feel good that you whole season culminates with a win over an OK team…that’s what i don’t like about college football…its like its a whole league that bought way to many ‘good effort’, ‘participation’, and ‘4th place’ awards and now they have to do something with them….oh look Notre Dame won a game…..Give em a bowl…fuck they sure did try…fat ass charlie Weiss even gimped around for a whole two games for only 50 million dollar or whatever insane amount of money they gave him.
Its funny thomas jones insulted brett favre after the season was over…any reason why you set a career high in rushing yards??? Oh maybe its because teams were too busy worrying about the best quarterback to play the game to worry about your marginal rushing skills…
Did you forget last season? You know the season where the Jets paid you and you produced just about nothing?
I didn’t…what i do remember is you rushing yards sucking for about the first half of the season…until favre started slinging TD passes all over the fucking place and then when they played off you started getting the ball.
Good luck when Favre’s gone…we’ll see who you bad mouth next.
I’m seeing the CAPS play the FLYERS tuesday night…fucking awesome…i’m not getting laid now…and seeing Ovie play is basically the next best thing…
Wow…i’m spent.
Your Monday Blog Written On Sunday
So i’ve been working 12 hour days…for me that means waking up at 8:50 and getting home as late as 9:30 some days…and some days since people can’t drive in the rain…its like when they see rain they assume all their tires are going to burst at the same time and they are going to t-bone a short bus…that’s how careful they are…so careful that my 15 minute drive turns into an hour and a half…what the fuck…i’m happy cuz its only an 11 hour day..next thing i know i have a few hours until i need to go to bed…plus…i kind of had to piss before the commute…by the time i got home it was a photo finish.
So…Ant owed me some money for a christmas present…and asked if i took check..that’s when i realized if i were a bank…
I’d want to wear a 20 gallon hat…fuck 10 gallons…that shit would be flapping around everywhere at the slightest movement…COOOOOOOOOOOOME ON DOWN…TO THE BAAAAAAAAAAAANK OF RUDY!!!!
I’ll start off by saying no CODs or Money orders but we do take….Hope…teeth…hair…monopoly money…I.O.U’s….your own currency…confidence…body parts…people…promises…your credit score…..finger nails..we’ll take pretty much anything…cuz hey you’ve seen the economy.
The only reason the economy is a good thing…cuz you can use that shit as an excuse for ANYTHING…sir…do you know why i stopped you…”the economy”….why did you cheat on me…”well you know the economy…how am i going to pass up a buy one get one free”….”Why did you eat all my food…the economy mother fucker…its a dog eat dog world out there…and the dog you had in the fridge looked pretty good” Dude…we don’t have a dog…my little sister’s hamster died the other day and she wanted to burry it…. “Deal with it…America’s broke?”
I think we need another cold war…remember that shit…of course you don’t cuz like me you weren’t born…but you know what…it gave us a common enemy to take our minds off of anything else…the Soviets were awesome…because guess what…no matter how bad life was…at least you weren’t no commie red bastard…we NEEEEED that. Seriously….that’s what bush was trying to get at…declare an Axis of evil…spin a wheel..where it lands..cold war..nuclear arms race…we can even donate some TO them…just to justify us bulking up as well and getting people riled up..cuz lets face it..we all knew Iraq and Afghanistan would be no match. Shit…i’ll move to mexico and start a movement where we all call each other comrade just so the united states hates us and starts an almost war against us…cuz guess what…we’d be a country again…right now its like its Halloween and someone just door ditched our country…we look outside and the family Jack-O-Laterns have been smashed on the porch.
Infomercials have effected my life greatly…you know…at first i didn’t think any of the products were legit….i was a doubter much like you…but i have some knowledge to offer…and if you read on…I’LL DOUBLE YOUR OFFER
Ok…so first was the Hercules hook…they work…punch em in you wall…spin em around…next thing you know you have statues hanging from your walls
Next…Mighty Putty…my side mirror has been on for about a year with that shit with no sign of stopping
After that…Handy Switch…i now made a light switch out of my corner lamp…my room has never been so illuminated…for a while it was a waste of money…my lamp…cuz who is going to stumble over furniture everyday just to turn on a lamp…well NO NEED with HANDY SWITCH
Shamwow! just bought them…VINCE YOU ARE THE MAN!!! I keep on feeling like i should spill some shit just to try them out…we haven’t had a huge mess yet…but we could have a triple homicide…and we’d be prepared…SHAM…Motherfuckin..WOW!
Trying some people at work what my job consists of is like teaching a monkey Physics…guess what teaching a monkey colors is fucking impressive….Coco knew fucking sign language…but that’s how foreign the concept of my job to other people in the store is….no one is teaching newton’s laws of motion to a chimp…i don’t care how little genes separate us.
I’m going to sponser a hippie…they try to limit pollution…so i’m going to an F-350 take off the muffler…load it to maximum hauling capacity and drive it through state parks…the whole time of course i will be eating fast food leftovers out of non-biodegradable containers…and blaring southern classic rock.
I wont say my whole comment on JMU’s football game…but i feel that Mickey Matthews son is a more talented WR than what we are dealing with right now.
So the girl at the front desk the other day stopped me…after another long day…she asked me if i knew the 6 foot tall darker built black guy…at this point i said…”yeah Ant? He’s my roommate.” she then kept explaining him…”yeah he works out alot…hangs out with the shorter guy and a white guy too”…Yeah ANT MY FUCKING ROOMATE (I thought)….but i did respond…’oh yeah…the little guy is my roomie too”
Oh what i’m trying to get at Ant…Jermaine lost your number…and he WANTS IT…..BAD
I was thinking…maybe i should just tell girls i don’t have sex….play some mind games…it wouldn’t work though…ideally it would pose as a challenge…but actually…as soon as I noticed it was a female who had breasts…it would be over…because i have very little female interaction in life…because at work…i’m work rudy….nice guy…sarcasm is only harmless…and i might as well be a unic…because i’m not losing my fucking job…so i don’t even look at anything any other ways…and maybe that’s why i can’t get a girl..because i’m so used to being motherfucking angel unic rudy that i blow all my chances
Rudy's Nocturnal Admissions 