Your Monday Blog Written On Sunday
So i’ve been working 12 hour days…for me that means waking up at 8:50 and getting home as late as 9:30 some days…and some days since people can’t drive in the rain…its like when they see rain they assume all their tires are going to burst at the same time and they are going to t-bone a short bus…that’s how careful they are…so careful that my 15 minute drive turns into an hour and a half…what the fuck…i’m happy cuz its only an 11 hour day..next thing i know i have a few hours until i need to go to bed…plus…i kind of had to piss before the commute…by the time i got home it was a photo finish.
So…Ant owed me some money for a christmas present…and asked if i took check..that’s when i realized if i were a bank…
I’d want to wear a 20 gallon hat…fuck 10 gallons…that shit would be flapping around everywhere at the slightest movement…COOOOOOOOOOOOME ON DOWN…TO THE BAAAAAAAAAAAANK OF RUDY!!!!
I’ll start off by saying no CODs or Money orders but we do take….Hope…teeth…hair…monopoly money…I.O.U’s….your own currency…confidence…body parts…people…promises…your credit score…..finger nails..we’ll take pretty much anything…cuz hey you’ve seen the economy.
The only reason the economy is a good thing…cuz you can use that shit as an excuse for ANYTHING…sir…do you know why i stopped you…”the economy”….why did you cheat on me…”well you know the economy…how am i going to pass up a buy one get one free”….”Why did you eat all my food…the economy mother fucker…its a dog eat dog world out there…and the dog you had in the fridge looked pretty good” Dude…we don’t have a dog…my little sister’s hamster died the other day and she wanted to burry it…. “Deal with it…America’s broke?”
I think we need another cold war…remember that shit…of course you don’t cuz like me you weren’t born…but you know what…it gave us a common enemy to take our minds off of anything else…the Soviets were awesome…because guess what…no matter how bad life was…at least you weren’t no commie red bastard…we NEEEEED that. Seriously….that’s what bush was trying to get at…declare an Axis of evil…spin a wheel..where it lands..cold war..nuclear arms race…we can even donate some TO them…just to justify us bulking up as well and getting people riled up..cuz lets face it..we all knew Iraq and Afghanistan would be no match. Shit…i’ll move to mexico and start a movement where we all call each other comrade just so the united states hates us and starts an almost war against us…cuz guess what…we’d be a country again…right now its like its Halloween and someone just door ditched our country…we look outside and the family Jack-O-Laterns have been smashed on the porch.
Infomercials have effected my life greatly…you know…at first i didn’t think any of the products were legit….i was a doubter much like you…but i have some knowledge to offer…and if you read on…I’LL DOUBLE YOUR OFFER
Ok…so first was the Hercules hook…they work…punch em in you wall…spin em around…next thing you know you have statues hanging from your walls
Next…Mighty Putty…my side mirror has been on for about a year with that shit with no sign of stopping
After that…Handy Switch…i now made a light switch out of my corner lamp…my room has never been so illuminated…for a while it was a waste of money…my lamp…cuz who is going to stumble over furniture everyday just to turn on a lamp…well NO NEED with HANDY SWITCH
Shamwow! just bought them…VINCE YOU ARE THE MAN!!! I keep on feeling like i should spill some shit just to try them out…we haven’t had a huge mess yet…but we could have a triple homicide…and we’d be prepared…SHAM…Motherfuckin..WOW!
Trying some people at work what my job consists of is like teaching a monkey Physics…guess what teaching a monkey colors is fucking impressive….Coco knew fucking sign language…but that’s how foreign the concept of my job to other people in the store is….no one is teaching newton’s laws of motion to a chimp…i don’t care how little genes separate us.
I’m going to sponser a hippie…they try to limit pollution…so i’m going to an F-350 take off the muffler…load it to maximum hauling capacity and drive it through state parks…the whole time of course i will be eating fast food leftovers out of non-biodegradable containers…and blaring southern classic rock.
I wont say my whole comment on JMU’s football game…but i feel that Mickey Matthews son is a more talented WR than what we are dealing with right now.
So the girl at the front desk the other day stopped me…after another long day…she asked me if i knew the 6 foot tall darker built black guy…at this point i said…”yeah Ant? He’s my roommate.” she then kept explaining him…”yeah he works out alot…hangs out with the shorter guy and a white guy too”…Yeah ANT MY FUCKING ROOMATE (I thought)….but i did respond…’oh yeah…the little guy is my roomie too”
Oh what i’m trying to get at Ant…Jermaine lost your number…and he WANTS IT…..BAD
I was thinking…maybe i should just tell girls i don’t have sex….play some mind games…it wouldn’t work though…ideally it would pose as a challenge…but actually…as soon as I noticed it was a female who had breasts…it would be over…because i have very little female interaction in life…because at work…i’m work rudy….nice guy…sarcasm is only harmless…and i might as well be a unic…because i’m not losing my fucking job…so i don’t even look at anything any other ways…and maybe that’s why i can’t get a girl..because i’m so used to being motherfucking angel unic rudy that i blow all my chances
Rudy's Nocturnal Admissions 