Shamrock Fest Really Stole Actual St. Patty’s Day’s Thunder
Somewhere the actual St. Patrick is pissed…he’s saying FUCK you RFK and DC 101….this is supposed to be my day! Remember me? I chased the snakes away…THE SNAKES (it was pretty easy to get a day back then….think about it…when the exterminator comes over to the house you’re just like…ok…cool thanks man. Back then…everyone fell all over themselves….oh…this guy’s great right? Hey….Tommy! Remember when we had snakes….not anymore…thanks to THIS guy!!!….I’ll drink to that!). But i guess he didn’t really get a real holiday….it is just another excuse to drink…i need someone to come with me on this one….if we can all get hammered on St. Patrick’s Day….because it was in Ireland….and Octoberfest because they do it in Germany….4th of July because we told those Brits bastards where they could shove it….why not on Flag day…because our flag is pretty cool…and lets face it…that Betsy Ross is hot shit! No…No Betsy…keep the round glasses ON this time….
AIG, cuz fuck em that’s why…that should be their new slogan….why you should invest in us (well more than you already do now since the public owns something like 80% of their company now) because we are so confident in ourselves and our future that we really don’t give a fuck about what you think and your bailout money. Its like they keep demanding money and then chuckling in the corner as they plan their big company wide pizza party. Oh, Johnson….you only asked for 150 mil!?!? How are we supposed to get beer? And what about the DJ he doesn’t work on high hopes and fuzzy feelings! Get congress back on the phone lets up that shit up to the 160s. Now you may remember that in an earlier blog i was supporting bonuses for CEO’s but honestly part of that was to be devil’s advocate…and i still believe it to a point…because that was talking about all companies in the bailout….But AIG you’ve screwed the pooch enough times that the fucked up little puppy that has resulted is popping out fully vested in a 401K and has dress shoes and socks on. You are the company that just keeps asking for more and more…its time to be ‘humble’ if you call humble not taking millions of dollars in bonuses while the people that trusted you are having their homes foreclosed.
At work we don’t have the internet except for one page…and it just has updates about the industry…and suprise suprise it only contains good info about our company and this horrible news about everyone else…I swear to god its like a N.Korean site and our CEO is the great leader. Everything is going to be ok…Great Leader says so…oh shit that reminds me time to dust the picture, pray for his health, and sing the ‘good leader is a great and merciful great leader’ song. Its funny though because i went on CNN.com yesterday and the headline was literally “Rudy’s company currently being TROUNCED by Wal-Mart” …Fuckin trounced. Beat…beat badly…on the decline…all easier terms than Trounced…that shit does not sound good.
Guys have it rough. 1) in this economy a woman can just say she’s waiting for the right job…or using the time to catch up on reading…or really any excuse…moving back home is perfectly acceptable. When a man loses a job or moves in with the parents he is seen as pathetic…probably by those same girls that have done the same exact thing.
2) Boners….trying to conceal a boner is a dark art. I’m partial to the using the belt to secure it against you body…but then you just have to walk carefully because as it starts to go away you can run the risk of now the partial boner slipping out from underneath the belt and making a noticeable appearance in the jeans. And then you just have to do the careful awkward walk (which could have been the answer in the first place) where you hope you can find an angle where it isn’t as noticeable…and hoping that your pants aren’t going to start rubbing in the wrong way…your half stack is about to be full blown…you are teetering on disaster. And god forbid if a chick notices…maybe if it is your girl and you are in the confines of your house she’ll go ahead and do the humane thing and help you lose it…but guess what a public appearance is completely different. Either they think it is funny (your girl friends…or girlfriend) or random women are disgusted as you are walking around sheepishly kind of like a dog that has the red rocket flapping around and has realized that its not an appropriate time.
See girls don’t have to worry about that…there is no way to tell..maybe the nips make an apperance…but its easy…just say you’re cold….A guy can’t say…oh its just the weather that gave me this huge erection…don’t mind me…
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