Hangover: Day Two

January 18, 2010 at 9:58 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

So apparently it was my mission to live a potential script for the hangover 2 this weekend.

Ingredients for a two day hangover

1) Drink for more hours than you slept during the weekend

2) Eat 2 meals total in a 3 day span

3) Mix light liquor, dark liquor, and beer

4) As a normal non-smoker…smoke a few cigars

5) Call it a night

6) Let that shit soak in….

You know what the worst problem with a second day hangover is?  You’ve thrown in the towel about 24 hours ago.  You’ve given up…but at this point your white flag has bullet holes all over the fucking place.  You’ve given up!  This shit should be over…but instead it just comes with more intensity.  I think a hangover is your body’s  fun equilibrium.  Shit, you thought you were just gonna have all that fun and get off completely clean…try this shit on for size! I think there is probably a hangover equation.  

Hours you spent drinking + Number of drinks you had after you knew you were drunk + the absolute value of the number of hours Less of sleep you got compared to normal = Number of hours you’ll be hung over

I spent 28 hours drinking i’ll go with a solid 10 drinks after knowing i was drunk, and 6 hours less of sleep.  That gives me a total 44 Hangover Hours.

But this weekend was a learning experience too..

Things i learned

1) It is actually possible to get me angry enough/push me far enough to get me to fight

2) I think i’m THE Actual Last Mohican 

3) I could stand to watch less MMA

4) I’m a “polite” fighter (as deemed by ant)

5) Buyers remorse does not exist for me while at the bar…but does the next morning

So just a quick rundown of each.  

(1) I got into a fight.  I have only fought once (outside of hockey) since middle school.  

(2) I think i’m a god damned native american….I this was decided after i realized i fought in moccasins 

(3) Though the fight was quick all i could think was “gaining a dominant offensive position” and going for the submission if it presented itself

(4) If it wasn’t for fighting someone i knew…asking “if they are done”and telling them “i didn’t want to do this” over and over wouldn’t have been smart.  You play to the whistle.  In conclusion….everyone’s ok.

(5) If you’re out at a bar with me…chances are i’m getting the tab.  That shit just happens…And i don’t do it to be a “baller” (though i do tend to ball harder than the average 25 year old bear).  I do it to say thanks for being awesome friends.  One of the problems with this however is the fact that as the group gets larger that i’m out with…It tends to up my chances of picking up the tab, which has in inverse affect on my bank account.  The worst part though?  A settled tab can only sting SO much the next morning but you can’t shrug off a hangover….jesus believe me…you can’t fucking do it….

Next subject.  JMU Mike could have been shitting black cats and M80s and couldn’t have blown up the bathroom as bad as he did on saturday.  We’ll keep the list thing going.  Things mike can learn from this heinous act.

(1) you can’t covertly sneak a plunger into the apartment

(2) sending a text that says “i broke your toilet, its happens”  while funny later…doesn’t necessarily solve the situation at hand…its seems as though you have invented the backhanded apology.

(3)  Not including the word “shit” in the previous statement makes me feel that you may not be as good as a wordsmith as you claim.  Although the pun was easy, you don’t know when you’ll get another softball like that.

Finally i’ll leave you with an amendment of a little ditty….”If the beds a’rockin…don’t bother knockin’ people are probably fucking…seriously how did you not know that shit was going on…don’t be a creeper…”  (this statement not applicable to Lindsey of 617 lore..she’s assuming there has been a fight, or someone is in pain and needs her help)

…Ok not finally.  Finally, i want to play Pictionary with Lindsey and hope that “penis” comes up and she has to draw it.  It would be the most entertaining event ever measured by hour glass.

(last day of voting for round 1 today….get em in…results will be posted tomorrow)

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What really happened to our economy…

March 30, 2009 at 9:59 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

So my idea relating to the economy..yet another theory.

This one is based off of myths and lore from yesteryear.

I’m speaking of course of the NASDAQ Indians.

Now you see before Columbus landed in North America…Vikings landed first…and what they found was the largest tribe of Native Americans ever known…only problem…no artifacts…or people survived the epic fights…

The Vikings pillaged and burned…burned and pillaged…and threw in some rape for good measure.  They went to their capital city (right around modern day new york) and demanded to speak to the chief.  They had heard that this tribe was blessed with unfathomable amounts of gold and treasure.  When the chief couldn’t present the gold…the vikings got angry.  Sven (their leader) demanded their riches.  Blackfoot (the NASDAQ leader) explained to them that their gold was in fact legendary, but that it wasn’t in money, but in friendship…community..and culture… This angered Sven…he wiped out the entire people as well as anything proving their existence.  Before Blackfoot died however, he told Sven…that he or any other person would suffer the NASDAQ’s great revenge if anyone ever encroached on their land again…whoever built on their land would be robbed of all of their money…as ironic payback from when they were robbed of their own ‘gold’.. Just so happens that is where Wall St. currently resides.he said the curse for settling on his land would strike 793 years from that point…guess what year it was…yup you guessed it…1215.  No wonder it showed its ugly head in 2008.  

However a small force of people were later discovered…very distant descendants of the NASDAQs they were said to have been turned white from the purity of their distant ancestors….so white that they would need “SPF 500″ not to burn….they founded the S&P 500 . Rich…up tight…and not willing to change much…comfortable with their entrenchment in society.

I don’t think these are too many coincidences to ignore…

In response…we launch a ‘pocket sized’ attack. Send Pockets out feeling faces…asking each one…”Is that you?” eventually he will find our country’s Peter Pan.

Oh and the Civil  War? didn’t happened….why would the call us “The UNITED States of America” if we were two separate entities at one time… dummies. 

More stuff about women…

So more dates falling through without any reason given….it would be a lot easier if the girl just said…yeah i’m not interested…but things are going good…next thing i know…just complete cut off of communication.

Anyways…

Why is acceptable for a woman to condemn certain friends a man hangs out with…or certain hobbies or activities that she doesn’t like…but it is completely out of bounds for a man to do the same.  When you stop a guy from hanging out with his guy friends he doesn’t get to have ‘testosterone time’ so he is more likely to not believe to behave like a caveman for a sustained period of time.  Without this necessary burnoff the girlfriend is likely to feel most of the repercussion.  Don’t be surprised if he now only wants to ‘watch the game’ and wont pay attention to you when you talk to him.  

Let him drink some beer…hang out with the guys…play video games…it will only be good for you in the end.

But yeah like i was saying…if I were to tell a girl flat out “i don’t like friend X I don’t want you hanging around them anymore” I would be labeled and insensitive dick. A girl does it…no nevermind demands it…or takes the backdoor approach. “I’m not saying you can’t hang out with him…I don’t want you to lose a friend…but i just don’t like being around him”.  But from what i’ve experienced (maybe its just because for the majority of relationships i’ve had the girls have been pretty clingy) it just leads to a huge fight or face losing a friend.  But i guess what my point is…is that i haven’t heard a guy friend say…you can’t hang out with your friend…but i’ve heard of plenty of examples of this coming from girls…I don’t know what really gives them the right sometimes (i’m not saying its all women…just saying it happens).  For as much as its said that it is supposed to be a partnership…and women want to be treated like equals…some women really are just looking for an opening to try and change their man and/or impose their will on them.

Another inequality. Have you ever heard the “why can’t guys buy me drinks at the bar” argument.  I’ve had it a few times….”its harmless…i’m not going to do anything..i’m with you…blah blah blah”….My perspective is that i don’t care if you don’t do anything…the guy’s intention isn’t innocent…and you know that, you are getting yourself in a questionable situation.  Plus what would happened if i said “hey, I’m gonna go out with the guys and buy girls drinks.”  I’m pretty sure it would be a little bit different of a response. 

I know i don’t have a lot of room to bitch…but bitch is what i’m about to do.  I managed to dodge a lot of the effects of the economy until this month…and it was like that fucker was just standing behind me doing everything i was doing…I feel like elmer fudd…i’m spining around to see who is behind me but the ‘waskly wabbit’ is spinning with me still behind me making fun of me…when i finally catch him he plants a kiss on me and my bell shapped rifle misfires in my face….yeah that’s what its like…i was banking on an extra 8000 a year…got almost 2000 instead…it would be ok if it was spaced out…but here’s how it went….bunch of long days working in a row…find out i’m not getting the initial 10% raise….keep working….keep working…spirit gets battered…and when i’m a beaten man…here is your annual raise…the lowest you’ve had out of any year out of college.

That being said i realize to those not getting raises or without jobs…that i seem like a dick…but i’m just typing what i’m thinking…

End Blog Transmission.

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Working to live…or living to work?

March 26, 2009 at 10:59 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

So…right now i’m feeling more like i’m living to work…not working to live..and that sucks..I came to this realization last night.  I am overly bored on my days off…I am running out of things to do, and right now my damn hand is keeping me from doing anything too productive.  Well atleast as far as the guitar and lifting is concerned..i know what you’re thinking…Rudy you say you’re going to get back to the gym about every other week..but i actually was until i started working 14 hour days again…and now over the last few days off…i’ve realized i can’t wait for golf again…and i’m going to do whatever i can to get outside a lot more when its nice out.  The reason being…no one should live to work…and right now i feel like i’m only sleeping in so that i’m not tired for work not because i enjoy it.

Last night…i literally sat on the couch pissed off for about 2 hours watching the same sports center over and over again because i just didn’t know what to do. I had no clue…run errands…nope…its 4 in the morning….hang out with people? nope its 4 in the morning….nothing else is on TV nothing is DVR’d…its dark out…nothing is open.  Fuck….what a waste of a day. I find that right now i don’t like work…so i’m psyched to get home…only to be disappointed with the fact that I have no clue what it is I was so excited about in the first place. I’m trapped between two walls of hatred…and honestly its turning me into a person i don’t want to be.  I’m not an angry person…but i’ve been pissed for every day except for last Sat for about a week or two now.  I’m on edge and likely to either start bitching or give you shit for no reason…and it sucks…I wish I could just break out of this…FUUCK!

Anyways, part of this is because i got a call letting me know that some employee was bitching about all sorts of shit that “I haven’t done” ..thing is she is a huge gossiper and just makes it her life goal to try and stir the pot. In reality i’ve been working hard to try and make a bunch of small changes and be a better manager…but you have one of these ‘chat sessions’ for the team to talk to HR and you are bound to have a hypocrite or two spout off.  Fuck em…seriously…and funny thing is…i’m the only manager in the building that knows the ins and outs of their and everyone else’s positions right now…so i know they really aren’t about to say shit to me….King Kong ain’t got shit on me….i’m gonna grow out a full goatee and start wearing a black skullcap and leather coat and training ethan hawk the ways of overnight…

My friends are cool people though…i can’t imagine trying to get through this possibly 3 year long overnight stint without such great friends. There are pictures of me in the living room…people cheer when i hang out….they keep relatively quiet during the day…and even try to hang out late with me on my days off.

Have you seen Jon Stewart’s destruction of Jim Cramer yet?? I know its a little old now…but holy shit…watch that interview…he just completely levels poor Jim Cramer…No matter how he runs his show now its gonna be called Mad Money just because he’s pissed he agreed to the interview…His head is drooping the whole time..eyes bulging out a little…everytime Stewart said something it looked like he was kicking a Pug Puppy (cramer) in the teeth.  He was almost crying a few times…and everytime Cramer started to try and dig himself out of a hole the Daily Show would hit him with another clip showing how he was just completely contradicting what he had just said…

Only thing about that though….Jon Stewart kept on saying…’big wigs’ or ‘rich people’ like so and so….Jon Stewart…you are rich too and you can’t get on Jim Cramer for finding a niche in the financial television market when you work your only anger as the anchor of a fake news show….He’s intelligent…i’m just saying…stewart and colbert always win arguments because when all else fails recoil back into your funny guy shtick…its like he says…oh you’re a retard and you’re wife is a whore and when they fire back they go “oh pick on the innocent funny guy why don’t you”.  I mean don’t get me wrong it makes great TV…i just think its dumb when the funny anchors say they have no power when they have tons of viewers and the ability to destroy a person’s career. And the thing for the people that go on the shows…its a huge Catch 22…you’ve been called out publicly to appear…so if you don’t you look like a coward and/or a lier…if you do…kiss your self-respect and public opinion goodbye.

Lost is the worst show on TV…i’m just glad i found that out after one episode unlike the suckers that have been watching it for like 8 seasons now. Polar bears don’t live in jungles…there aren’t smoke monsters….the problem is the same thing that initially  seemed so cool. Atleast the first couple seasons the writers wrote the scripts weekly…so you get awesome M. night shamalyan twists…bad part is…you also get M Night ‘The Happeneing’ sort of twists…but since it is a series you have to commit to it. Oh wait though, that’s when they get you suckers again…this time with time travel and dream sequences….I  mean i know at this point it is kind of like an investment…you might as well ride it out…its crashed through the floor but shit…its already gone this low…you have to hold on just for that simple fact that it may skyrocket back up with a fantastic finish.

How is American Idol still on TV…another show i don’t watch because i see 30 second snips of it and it is the same everytime. Crappy singer good personality crying and Simon tells them they are big giant craps….then paula slurs a few words together smiles and gives a thumbs up…Randy uses some slang to show everyone he is in fact both black and in touch with today’s youth. Give it a fucking break…America you have fallen in another trap as this show keeps on pumping out manufactured star after manufactured star and you feed them millions.  Lets just call up Carson Daily (he can’t be doing much…is his show even on) he gets to fight Seacrest for corny host supremacy and that will decide whether american idol will merge with MTV and bring TRL back from the dead…or combine E! News, TMZ, and American Idol.  Watch out though because watching that show is like performing an at home do it yourself lobotomy. 

I’m horrible at Street Fighter II.  I’m at the same level i was at when i was 5 years old playing that shit. I got my ass handed to me over and over again last night. But it did make me realize how much fun you could have off of the simple old forumlas of old video games. I also enjoy the fact that the Street Fighter video games are just one huge list of stereotypes. Ryo Japanese does karate and is bare foot, Guile flat top american looks like a d-bag, E-Honda fat sumo type hanging in a bath house, Vega…gay spaniard, Dee Jay Jamaican guy with dreads and ability to break dance, Blanca hairy brazilian with power to electrocute any foe unless countered with a sweep (that felt like finding the holy grail when you were a little kid when you finally found out how to beat your cheap friend that just mashed on the punch button and had a great time watching you get electrocuted over and over again).  Also, i like that it is geared to the video game nerds that have never seen a real live naked woman. The 2 or 3 girls in the game have huge racks and Cammy wears next to nothing and shows off her ass after wins….This has gained her the new name Cammy Toe.

And if girls respond…just another way women are objectified…try this on….You say you want sensitive guys but lets be honest if you had guys just sitting around watching P.S. I love you all day with you….you’d dump his ass…or atleast think he’s gay.  Some girls will say…”I hate it when guys feel like they have to pay for everything” my experience with that is…i’ll pay for 99% of dates…the one date i don’t pay for they get pissed….what happened to the hatred before? That’s right…I feel girls wishing for sensitive guys are more just airing the grievances  about the differences between men and women than stating what they actually want. Lets face it…if i made now money, pulled up on a moped, suggested splitting the cost of a date, wanted to watch confessions of a shopaholic, and then suggested cuddling before possibly ‘making love’ you’d throw up.  Now obviously this my point of view…as a guy…but i feel like…Women want to feel like women…they want to see their guy as someone strong and has the ability to be barbaric if called on to protect them…and as a man if you’re not able to actually ‘fuck’ your girlfriend and really give it to her every once in a while…you’re probably having great conversation…but she’s probably also going to start shopping around at least for some dick on the side.  And women…give a blow job just because every once in a while…get you guy a beer…let him feel like a guy…if you know they like that shit…then spread the fucking wealth…everyone will be happy if both people can actually make them feel like they actually are.  

(I went off on that tangent thanks to a post by Amber H. on http://www.eleganteeloquence.com)

…Done

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Holy God! Its a 2008 Wrap-up…March Madness Style

January 8, 2009 at 2:20 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Ok so this is how it is going to work…I have come up with two brackets so far…the one we will be covering today is the Social/Life Events of 2008.

 

I’m going to go over the matchups first…to show you the bracket….then we will do a brief run down…i already have winners picked…but comment with your choices and it will sway the outcome..

2008 ‘Events Bracket’ World Class Universal Championship of Everything

First Round Matchups

(left side)

Match 1:

(1)Rudy Day

Vs.

(16) Play In Winner (Pirate Mike’s Continued Pirating Vs. The JMU Mike Pizzone Incident)

The case for Rudy Day:  Its not every day you have a holiday thrown in your honor…and definitely not one that’s sprung in secret.  I was prepared for yet another summer cookout but I instead came home to insanity…complete with custom shirts with my face on them, ping pong balls also with said image, cheesy roll-ups from Taco Bell, Streamers, Balloons, Bags containing my favorite liquors in airplane shots to hand out to guests, beer olympics.  You can see why this is the one that goes against the play-in game.

Play In Game:  You know its going to lose…but here is the match up.

Pirate Mike’s Pirating: Its how he got his nickname…Pirate mike currently has all of the awards show copies of all of the picture of the year nominees…yeah…he’s that good…

The Pizzone Incident:  Also known as the order heard round the world and the $1 that almost tore holes in friendships.  JMU Mike decided that he would try to add on a Pizzone to our pizza hut order…only catch….he’ll only get the pizzone if he gets to pay $1 for it…I order a full pizza for $15 but he will only get the pizzone if he gets it with the deal for $1.

This analyst predicts: Rudy Day…All day….and Pirate Mike taking the play in.

Match 2:

(8)The Christina ‘Steve’ Saga

Vs.

(9)The Hesters

The Steve Saga:

It started when she came over and someone misheard her name…from then on…she has been known as Steve.  I realized the damage my shit talk is capable…it started like any other night of my showboating shit talking sarcastic beer pong style…it ended in me launching balls from down the hall and beating her…Round 1…me.  Next she came over and i bet that i could beat her with my eyes closed for a whole game and if she won i would pay her bar tab next time we went out…Well…between beating her…and conducting a post-game interview…she was not happy…the last straw was a sarcastic facebooking incident leading ultimately to a de-friending…who thought that making fun of a girl for throwing up in a hallway…making fun of beer pong skills and the such would have an adverse affect on a relationship.  A few months ago the feud came to an end with a Middle East peace agreement style handshake…

The Hesters:

Key organizers of Rudy Day…Killer High Fives…Lack of driving skills…Niceness…Fluent Spanish…Sister Dating…Long-Term girlfriend…drunkness…a great round of never have i ever…the owning of an outer banks island…it runs the entire gambit..

Prediction: The Hesters….its not often for someone to loath me as much as steve did at one time…but its the Hesters we are talking about…a direct impact felt on 215 and fairfax towers as a whole.

Match 3:

(6)Club 215 opens its doors

Vs.

(11)Summer Cookouts

Club 215:

Has become an every weekend staple…known throughout fairfax towers…founding memebers Ant, Rudy, Pirate Mike….eventually has started to merge with 516 to make a super-club the likes of which have never been seen. Also worth noting..lead to the hesters.

Summer Cookouts:

Noise Violation on 4th of July…enough said really…oh throw in Ant’s diving off of a life guard chair and going to a hospital…awesome burgers and JMU Mike relations.  Debut of Chris T. , Rhonda’s Birthday…

Prediction: Cookouts…so much happened.

Match 4:

(4) Obama

Vs.

(13) Bodily Injury Suffered

Bodily Injury:  I almost broke my arm at work when a pallet about 7-8 feet up fell on me…Ant went to the hospital twice cementing water as his personal kryptonite…once with a broken bottle winning over flesh…the second involved the bottom of a swimming pool winning out over…well…his face.

Obama: Obama fever swept the nation and the first black president was elected.

Prediction: Bodily Harm…what the hell has Obama done in 08…nothing…just stirred the pot…shame on you Obama…get back to me when you achieve something…eh..eh…am i right or what…Bodily Harm directly effected me and my group of friends.

(Right side)

Match 1

(2)Working Overnight

Vs.

(15)Accidental Abstinence 

Overnight: There would be no Rudy Day without me being overnight…no blog…no raise…big impact indeed.

Accidental Abstinence: While it is a product of being overnight my streak of 6 months is impressive non the less…

Prediction: Overnight hands down.

Match 2:

(7)Ultra bar/NOVA bear grylls/how i got my iPhone

Vs.

(10)Vegas

Ultra Bar: Involved me getting rejected 16Xs in a row by women…leading to me taking the metro back without telling anyone…cab with suspended license dropped me off and i got lost in the woods…lost my phone and entered the apartment a broken man.

Vegas: Skydiving…Much Money Made…Strip Clubs…VIP Tables….Giving beer to the homless…the trip had it all.

Vote: Vegas

Match 3

My favorite match-up of the tourney.

(5)The Beach Trip

Vs.

(12)Pirate Mike…”Little Guy” Jokes

The Beach: The real world style video was shot…ant’s life was in shambles…double digit beers consumed in about an hour and a half…Using bangarang as a war cry against high school kids…lack of women….MixedAssRaechel even makes an appearance.

Little guy: If you’ve been reading this blog you know about little guy jokes…Mike being in a sailor outfit on Navy Pier…Mike taking is Fisher Price Plastic Red and Yellow car into garages for emission tests…Hitting an unsuspected little guy in the head with a large snowball knocking off his glasses and beanie….the propeller hat.  

Vote: But i’m saying though…i smell an upset.

Match 4:

(3)Wild Out 2009

Vs.

(14)Life in shambles

Wild Out 2009: Coming in as the latest possible entry despite its hard pronunciation of the ‘D’ in wild.  A night of drunkenness.  A night of dancing.  A night of imitating bouncers.  Random snap decisions leading to yet another cab ride for me.  The start of a new year.

Life In Shambles: I can’t count the number of times i heard ant say that his life was in shambles…and i can’t count the number of times he picked up those scraps and came back stronger than ever. Plus he has announced the phrases retirement effective as of ’09.

Vote: We Wilded out like it was still 08

 

Well that’s it for the first round match-ups for the Events category….Tomorrow or Sat. after tallies of votes and after i write the next bracket i will do blow by blow commentary on each matchup…as well as post game thoughts.

Lets get the votes in!

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