Bloggin’ the mother bloggin’ blog out of you
So i think i write a semi-humorous blog…however…it goes completely against my joke telling ability…See i can’t re-tell ANY jokes….not even my own…without them getting 200% less funny. If i have not told the thought in my head to you within .5 seconds of it existing it immediately gets exponentially less funny per second. I had a joke about Pockets not getting a blowjob….and it was awesome…in my head it was gonna wreck his world…by the time i tried to recount it BOTH of my roommates just stared at me…shook their heads and told me to “up my game”. That’s disappointing….I’ve had some jokes that had some people rolling…try to retell it…and OTHER PEOPLE in the room are vouching for me….”no really…it was funny…Rudy just can’t fucking tell a joke to save his life”. As far as my joke telling goes…i give you guys all the authority to pull the plug if need be…Witty comebacks…good…if i look like i’m thinking and more than 10 seconds go by…just remind me of this…
another disfunction
So i don’t know but i’m pretty sure my lack of understanding of accents goes directly against the fact that 10% of my employees speak english as a first language. Now…..i can understand them..through sharades and broken spanish i can communicate things i need for them to do work wise….However….you throw me into a normal social situation and i’m going to ask them to repeat themselves about 10 times. See, i don’t have bad hearing…just bad foreign hearing. What sucks about that? the fact that you get two repeats to understand anything. I’m sure you will all agree with me. The first repeat can be due to language. The second? maybe it was volume problems or pronunciation…but the third? The third you are now insulting them. And i OFTEN need a third….you dare not ask a third What? Huh? What did you say? because at that point it is just an embarrassment for everyone. So what i have to do…is in a panic as the nervous sweat starts and the heart starts racing and as i feel my face getting hot…which sucks because my bright red face is a give away to this whole thing…i must fucking try to guess what they are saying…or just give an answer that i might find acceptable. Well….turns out this morning the lady was asking “what kind of rice do you like to eat” but it sounded like “wuhlicate” all in one word….it was so fast…that finally i pointed to the sushi she had already made that just so happened to be what i wanted…
Shit….im not even racist…but after that exchange i might consider it.
So i saw Zombieland at tyson’s yesterday. That shit was great…funny as hell and has made me realize i need a Zombie killing weapon of choice…I’m gonna go with blunt object…i’m going baseball bat. See…you can go projectiles…but you’ll eventually need reloads…and although it is a more satisfying kill….say good bye to your brains during the re-load….Swords…and sharp hand held objects…good luck…they will get stuck in your zombie victim…BASEBALL FUCKING BATS….crack skulls…with no re-load or time trying to dig it out of your enemy…
You’re welcome
….UF
Yeah, in case you didn’t hear the University of Florida came up with a Zombie Survival plan for fun and some people thought it was real and were outraged at their stupidity…which in turn has made some FL officials outraged at THIER stupidity.
So for those of you that don’t live by Tyson’s Corner Mall….there is a kid’s train that travels the upper section (food court, kids play area, movie theatre, TGI Friday’s) and it just takes hap hazard routes all over the fucking place up there! No telling where it is gonna turn next! It doesn’t need rails…that’s going a little far…but what about a traffic lane…or atleast a suggested path for its movement. Cuz i find myself doing the Squirrel maneuver whenever its coming through hopping from one side to the next and narrowly escaping a scuffed shoe incident….
This gave me the idea however….If i ever commited suicide it would be with the Tyson’s train. Fuck that person that jumped from the 3rd story of Tysons II (galleria). I will throw a note out and lay down in front of the train before it has time to thing….BAM funniest and most traumatizing death ever….I die thinking its funny…and multiple families have to explain what happened to their kids…
Funnier situation….get a friend to wear a fake mustache…and as he is twisting the corner like fucking Wario…you’re wiggling around on the floor tied up in rope with a gag in your mouth as the train and the horrified screaming children are approaching.
YUP
Speaking of trains…when in the production of Thomas the Tank Engine the TV Show did they decide they needed street cred? Yeah…we are going for an audience of 5 and under…but we need to be more edgy…who can we get to play the conductor….well…George Carlin applied….”what? the guy that cusses and says shit about god not existing?” ….yeah him! “well fuck…sign his ass up!”
…and why is the conductor role so coveted….see my brother used to watch this show….and George Carlin was this midget conductor that was the conductor of Shining Time Station…and played its Juke Box….but in the movie addition…Alec fucking Baldwin….
You are both way too good for that role..
I love Monday mornings because i live in DC….and the Redskins Suck…Girls…feeel free to stop reading here because the rest of the post is gonna be about sports….Girls that like sports…keep reading and submit a comment i’ll be sure not to read.
See the Redskins suck…and unline many other sports towns…Redskins fans are fucking Bi-polar. At the start of EVERY season since i’ve lived in VA i hear….Redskins are going to the playoffs….at the very least…many others claim Super Bowl. but….two weeks into the season…guess what…..OHHHH FUCK!…FIRE EVERYONE! HERE WE COME FIRST DRAFT PICK….then two wins later…WE ARE SO TALENTED….JESUS! I can’t take all that shit…
But i have the unique chance to be great friends with the world’s most pessimistic Redskins fan…See JMU Mike lives and dies with the Redskins…and lately he’s been dying alot. Beacuse as soon as the Skins have their first 3 and out…that’s when the Cambell jersey is thrown on the ground and Mike is advising Dan Snyder to turn Fed Ex Field into a parking lot. Its fucking great….to see the pain and anguish on mike’s face….I’ve fired people….i’ve fired people and seen them lead out in hand cuffs and seen LESS anguish on their faces then when i see JMU Mike falling to his knees cursing his beloved organization. I feel like everytime Mike falls into the trap of watching a Skins game its like an alcoholic falling off the wagon….
Anyways…monday mornings are the best because that’s when i listen to the Junkies on the way home…and the whole day they talk like the apocalypse is coming…except for one guy that always claims the Skins are a playoff caliber talent….poor guy….just like the AA guy about to pick up his first year sobriety chip on his way to the bar…
Lets get with the picture….be a CAPS FAN!!!!
OVIE! best hockey player on the planet…the stanley cup is within reach….so what you don’t give a shit about hockey…give a shit about the great fans…and the awesome trophy…
oh yeah…baseball playoffs are starting soon YEAAAAAAHHHHH…only reason i’m excited is that baseball will finally be over soon.
that’s all the wisdom i can throw at you this week…well atleast until Ant takes his all white football team to the projects to learn valuable life lessons…
Bloggin like its 2009
A scenario that would be funny….
If I was meeting someone else’s friend and they asked what i did for a living and i responded with…
Me: Well i could have been a lawyer but i’ve always kind of had a higher calling you know?
(it would be at that point that my friend who has introduced me to this new person starts looking puzzled….”how the fuck is retail a higher calling”..and at this point i could judge just how lowely my friend thinks of retail as a profession…the crazier the look…the worse of a profession they assume it is)
Me:”….Yeah you might have guessed it….I manage the overnight process of a retail store…its not for everyone…but life rang and i answered that call.”
Now see, first it would be fun for me because of what i described about watching my friend’s face….Second reason…watching this new person’s face…because you can only be SO much of a dick immediatly after meeting someone (unless of course you are drunk….see: “steve”) And third i just think it would be really funny acting smug and stuck up about unloading trucks…
With that note, i get the chance to get a 10% raise and that much closer to store manager early next month….about 4 or 5 months earlier than thought….fuck yeah!
The baby in the hangover is hilarious….. here’s the red band trailer http://www.ramasscreen.com/2009/05/30/hangover-red-band-trailer/ <—-that’s right i’m actually too basic to find out how to post an actual link on here…. Anyways…it contains a part where the baby “carlos” is “jackin his weenus at the table” one of the finest moments in cinema history….Its also full of all sorts of other great shit…my cheeks were actually sore walking out of the theater because i was grinning so hard the whole time..
Have you ever sat and realized humans are the only animals that have achieved such a dominant victory over sex?
See…monkeys and dogs have a clue…ball licking…masterbation…and jmu mike’s dog’s curious way of “mashing it” (DUKE STOP MASHING IT)
And dogs, and monkeys…that’s cute…you’re on the right path..
But get this shit. Sex’s sole purpose is supposed to be reproduction…the reason you feel horny is supposed to be because its time to make more of you. However, to us that means you want to get some sort of action….Humans have to be the only animal that have the opposite sex masterbate for them (hand jobs). That’s just kind of lazy when you think about it….At least fellacio is something you can’t do yourself and feels better…Anyways…back on track…Getting to second base/feeling a girl up shouldn’t be a goal..that’s not making more humans…but damn if it doesn’t feel rewarding..
And then you go to sex itself….people pay to watch other people who were taped having sex. 90% of the internet is based off of this business…it has made people millionaries….That means there are people who’s professions are not successfully having sex…i mean..yeah they are having sex…but if the definition of sucessful sex is pregnancy then their job is to fail….but it has to be the MOST FUN form of failure on the planet…
Who was the first person to convince a girl to have sex with them while wearing a condom…i doubt girls find penises very attractive to begin with…so first you convince her to let you put your in her…but then you propose you put a little baggy on it and put that in her too (and not even a solid colored bag so they don’t have to see it…a clear one)? That’s just a weird thought…someone out there really wanted to fuck a girl but really didn’t want to get married, ruin her body, or get her pregnant and thus lessen the amount of time he would be able to have sex with her….That’s how a condom was made…hmmm shit…i’ll just wrap this bag around it….whats the worst that can happen (note: this decision could have been mutual because i doubt women are sitting around all day disappointed they aren’t pregnant and starting their day with throwing up all the time)
The pill? Fucking genius…we found a way to thwart evolution….and a period of “justified” bitchiness every month….Now i know a period probably isn’t a lot of fun…but shit…there is nothing a guy gets to do that justifies him acting like a dick for one week a month…A girl could rob a bank and go to court and just say “i was cramping…it was a bad day”…case fucking thrown out… I could get kicked in the balls upon waking up…get a speeding ticket on the way to work…and then get fired…but if i act dickish to a girl…no reprieve.
The WNBA has started! This will also no doubt start my ceremony of looking to see when the Mystics are playing and running to the bathroom to flush my two tickets down the drain at the exact time of tip off….
Did you ever think that the fight against poverty had the wrong focus? Over 1/3 of the homeless have mental illnesses…so instead of trying to solve poverty/homelessness/starvation with lack of taxes, food stamps, and all sorts of other things…why don’t we come up with a program that gives free mental health care to the homeless….If you eliminate one third of the problem by getting them proper treatment and getting them well…then wont it be a little bit easier of an issue to tackle? I just think right now politicians know that by throwing money at homeless it gets them good publicity…and since they are only there to get re-elected…then why really do any more?
I’m sick of the goverment buying shitty companies and trying to say “well the good news is…the american people own X percentage” if that’s the case then just give me a fucking share of google…because its worth about the same as half of GM. (oh and who called that the government ownership…not like it took god damn ms.cleo to do so…but next just wait for the incentives to buy their product….next step socialism…YEAHHHH….i’ve already started practicing my goose step)
Fuck the french open…you want to see some exciting tennis at the speed of slow children’s spelling bees…come watch me and kates play tennis (kates we need to get back on track…next time its nice out…its go time)….soon i’m going to be challenging annie….Ant you’re after that….and finally JMU Mike….
The AL came this weekend…and like always he might as well have been driving a wrecking ball around in my body…because that’s what always happens to my organs…anyways…good times were had…drinks were drunk….awful baseball was watched…
The Nationals get two more years before they get folded back into a AAA team. The nationals at this point should just be called “Ryan Zimmerman and his underachieving middle-aged friends”.
Kobe’s fucking good…..Dwight Howard dresses like he just came out of a speakeasy back in the 20s
I hate the Pens…but i can no longer deny that Malkin is a beast…but i also can’t deny that the nickname “Geno” sucks…or the fact that Crosby is the only active female NHL player.
News Flash! I Don’t Care About Swine Flu…Plus Day 3…
Seeing Ant go out somewhere while he has his glasses on is about as depressing as watching a caged big game animal or apex predator pace circles around their small ass cages in the zoo. You know the potential they could unleash…the damage they are capable of….but instead the poor Orca’s fin folds over…and you don’t even get to hear the michael jackson free willy song to make it all better…
So before i go into the rest….Is the country in such great shape that we are we so bored at Capital Hill we need to take time out to discuss the BCS? Look I hate the format of the college football championship…but i’m not going to run to my local sheriff and complain to him…i’d probably get an angry look and told to go home….so how is it then seen as plausible to people to then take it all the way up to the very top of the government to deal with it. I get that some smaller colleges get screwed out of all the money that the bowl generate…but guess what….those colleges that make the bowls are the same ones that have been generating money all year for TV stations..So unless Boise State is going to all the sudden pull huge national audiences to watch them play their weak in conference foes you can’t really bitch too much….The representative from TX said that the BCS was like communism….well the fact that you are speaking on it is like….insanity….or proving to old communists that maybe they had the right idea. Nothing makes a floundering economy and confused government look worse than making a big spotlight on an issue that holds absolutely no sway in its future. Great fucking job…i want to go take a tour of the capital and just start kicking people in the balls at random.
The swine flu is ridiculous….Thousands of people die in the US annual from…”Regular Fucking Flu” (i think that’s the technical name) yet we are freaking out because one 2 year old kid has died from Swine Flu in the US so far…guess what else kills 2-year old kids….fucking cheerios….and last i checked we haven’t issues General Mills a mandate to stop production. On a serious note if you are wondering if you have swine flu…check out this site…. http://www.doihaveswineflu.com . That should clear up any concerns…Right now the only symptoms of Swine Flu seem to be that of….Regular Fucking Flu…so what’s the big deal…if you feel sick…go to the doctor…..because guess what Swine Flu is being treated by the same exact drugs that Regular Fucking Flu is treated with.
Really what has happened is the media fear mongers have picked up the story and decided….”Hey guys…lets milk this shit to death…we can probably get a few months out of it and we can all keep our jobs”
If i get pulled over by a cop that coughs….i’m going to ask him to get checked out for swine flu
Meanwhile the medical mask industry is booming….almost as much of a spike as the small plastic american flags after 9/11
I have a copper BB in my calf right now. Not much of a story behind all of this….thought it would be a good idea to get shot with the roommates’ new guns….now the plastic pellet was fine…but go figure….metal beats skin. I was only aware of rock losing to paper…so therefore i figured skin could definitely beat metal bb…guess who was wrong….This guy….The doctors said just to leave it in my leg…so that’s cool…i never really liked getting through airport security under an hour anyways…I didn’t think a small BB would hurt…but that shit fucked up my leg….i can barely walk on it right now…but in good news…I am announcing my foray into gangsta’ rap….i guess is should stop using words like foray then….but other than that my grammer is pretty much spot on for it right?
People don’t really care about hockey…but the Caps won in 7 games! with the Sharks out we actually stand a legit chance to take down the title this year.
Cruise Day 3
I wake up and decide pulling the trigger is a good idea…now you must understand that I have only thrown up form hamgovers about twice in my life…well this makes three…and just like basebally i’m fucking out…and should just spend the rest of the game sitting on the bench…unfortunately Cozumel waits for no one….2343 is rattled out of bed since the boat is changing speed. We stop and I stumble out of the boat with sunglasses and a hat pulled low like some low rent celebrity trying to hide from the papparazi….only difference is that i’m trying to hide from life…
First thing you notice about Cozumel is the beautiful water…second thing….everything is in English….its more like Really Southern US than Mexico….One difference though…is that the craziest cab driver you’ve ever experienced is an amatuer compared to Cozumel….we decided we were going to a Private beach…and it only took about 5 minutes to get there….since the driver was averaging between 100 and 120 mph the whole way there…the whole time coming within feet of killing the scooter riding people on the shoulder….
So we get to the private beach and it is fantastic….clear water….not a cloud in the sky….a water trampoline…which of course is filled with 10 year olds which of course me and JMU Mike have to put a stop to…we get up there and start bouncing kids are kind of flying all over the place….I jump off into the ocean…which was fun…but about 5 minutes later i have realized that the cure for a hangover doesn’t include physical activity and waves….especially not physical activity that’s consequences involve drowning….
This involves me taking a 3 hour nap in the beach chair and trying not to puke….i took full advantage of the open bar….well the bottled water atleast…meanwhile Ant and Mega Bear and kayaking….Pockets is jumping on the tramp and trying not to cry when other kids take his spot…and JMU Mike has conquered the floating ‘iceberg’.
We decide to rent jet skis again….we also decide we are action heroes and are taking the sharpest turns possible at 50mph…it was awesome spraying water all over the place and generally looking badass….well everyone but pockets…its hard to look badass being tossed around by wakes and falling off your jet ski…i can’t tell you how much money i would have given to witness his fall…oh my god, poor little pockets screaming “Whooooooahhhh” as he goes flying through the air and doggie paddling back to his jet ski while spitting out water….
After this we had a crazy conversation with cougars (the same ones from dinner) that was very revealing…this including finding out both of them have cheated on their husbands and have tried anal sex….
Next we had to buy some trinkets….We all got a few things…i used some spanish and then realized i wasn’t going to be winning a medal anytime soon for it…so promptly stopped…
We got back on the boat and i felt a little more human….I won some money in craps taught some people how to play and won them money too…it made me look like i was the man….good thing they weren’t there a day ago when i lost it all….
Shit…i’m tired of typing…so i’m going to abruptly end this without transition.
Woah….Blog Time!
A-Rod is the most talented baseball player in the game took steroids…baseball is America’s past time dead to me. I was one of the people that thought…ooooh fuck you barry bonds….i knew you were juicing…BUT there’s hope because A-Rod is clean and will break your records. Placed hopes in the right …wrong area there…it is more believable when a young player gains muscle and stats go up…i just thought he had natural talent able to take more steroids….
You know i do think that a commentator on ESPN had it right though…people don’t care as much when its involved in football because stats aren’t as sacred in that sport…it could have something to do with the fact that football takes actual athletic ability and relies on the whole team vs. one player succeeding once in 4 tries a game…but that’s another argument. (you realize that…. .400 batting avg. is a huge feat and that just means you only don’t do your job 60% of the time…i’m pretty sure i would be fired twice a day at that performance rate….and there are DH’s out there…ALL THEY DO IS OFFENSE!)
Also, I think part of it is…just like in basketball in baseball you see your athlete…their whole face and body unobstructed….where as in football or hockey they are obstructed by pads and helmets…so you are able to connect easier to a person in the MLB or NBA…not Kobe Bryant though…he just forces connection until you give in.
If all these steroid people played against each other though…maybe we should just have a separate wing (bob costas theory) for the steroids area…cuz guess what…these guys hitting all the HRs on roids (Bonds, A-Rod,Sosa,McGwire) were batting against pitchers on roids (Clemmens…uh…im sure others will come out) so it had to be fairly even…the only problem is that the stats are so inflated.
Oh my lord i had a long friday….
So i was geared up to hang out and even went to bed early…
Got up and went on a 30 minute road trip with Pirate Mike to Ray’s Hell Burgers…They have all types of cheeses and different ways to cook your burgers along with excellent toppings and sides…Good management too…i saw a guy return an undercooked burger (not these guys though when me and mike got to our gummy cold centers we just figured the chewy center was the best part like a blow pop and just went caveman style and went face first…nothing really new for pirate ‘scuba’ mike though) and the manager immediatly opened the register refunded the money and started cooking another burger…good shit…good shit indeed.
A quick stop by the ABC and stumbling back to the car in a drunklike manner…from being so intoxicated by great burgers…(or maybe it was the raw meat in the middle)…and we were on our way back.
I get back home and crack a beer…all the sudden our neighbor from JMU (club 217, superclub is under construction…screw congress and their monopoly laws) comes in and invites us over for drinking games…No problem me thinks….oh it is a problem…but not in the ‘I can’t drink i have a vagina sort of way’ more in the ‘my stomach is full and can’t fit everything in at once’ sort of way….For they were playing drinking games on A-Rod…or merriman…cuz the games were on steroids and i felt like i was part of an underachieving team and out for the season.
No lie in about 20 minutes i had drank 5 beers there…thanks to my luck on guessing higher or lower card that has chased me since college.
On another note….girls from JMU can fucking drink…i graduated from JMU and am very proud to see that the guys and girls can hold it down quite well for our school…
Ant walks in and within a minute one girl pulls out a dish of salmon she has cooked for him…he starts eating it and the other females start gathering around…SHOCKER! Seriously…all girls at the apt stop what they are doing and make sure he is comfortable and his food is to his liking
(before going over to 215…we were watching mtv jams and rap videos were on…i’ve decided that’s the job i want…making rap videos….when your hardest decision is….blue lambo? or yellow? Zoom in on the boobies? or the ass?…splash water on them? 6 classy video chicks…or 12 raunchy video hoes…how many fake bills should we throw in the air to look sufficiently rich but not overdo it?)
so…i’m six beers in when you count the one at 215 before drinking games…
We decide to go back over to 215…whiskey and coke…another beer…i lose at beer pong
We decide to head back over to Mark’s pub again this weekend….Its great service…but mainly because we made up half of the place…I’ve only been there once but the bartender says she doesn’t need my I.D because she remembers me….don’t know if that’s good service or the fact that i’m one of 10 people that have been there this week.
*thwap* my card is down and i’m covering the tab….3 red bull vodkas…1 red headed slut later for me…and i’m out…
Back to my apt…another beer
up to 516 for some rock band…3 beers and a margarita….i’m belting out all sorts of songs…i’m sure i woke up some families…but its ok because they were awoken by an angelic voice and it probably just soothed them back to an even better sleep than before.
back down to my place…two more beers?
I go out to the living room as ant is leaving to go to baltimore….shit says me….this hangover is going to suck…
AND SUCK IT DID…
No recovery until about 10pm officially making me the mayor of shamblestown…
40 bucks in pizza ordered…
The next day though…fucking arby’s….oh man arby’s is fucking fantastic…
One thing though…only in america is there a deal…buy fries and get a free cup of cheddar that’s right buy fried potatoes and get a free cup of cheese to dip it in..
NICE
New Year’s Resolution: Be More Awesome/Rock Harder
One part of my about ten part new years resolution is getting the blog atleast close to daily updates again… slackers at work rejoice!
Subjects Covered:
Working Overnight
IL Political Situation
JMU “Rain Man” Mike
7-11 and How i run my errands
Chris Berman Is Back
NFL
So i had two trucks last night…i’m not sure but i think i’ve finally figured out what’s going on with my distribution center (the people that send me trucks)…I’m pretty sure they have a ‘Fuck Rudy’ button….Rudy has just relaxed from the 4th quarter he thinks its all over…ALL HANDS ON DECK…make sure to throw some KY on these trucks cuz he’s about to get fucked…again…I am the DC’s Whore…Seriously…2 trucks is a promise of a 12 hour day at minimum…i should have been there until 9 until my overnight manager Scott decided to jump on the grenade…For fuck’s sake…this makes no sense…Also, most of my team works two jobs…so guess what…around 6am (that’s right while you get up a little TOO early before your shift…realize its too cold to get up and piss and then go back to sleep for two more hours…)i’m having a fucking crisis in my store, everyone has to start leaving so they can get an hour of sleep before their next shift…and how can i honestly look at sweet hispanic women that work their asses off and tell them…’well sorry no sleep for you…now back to work!’ My team’s awesome i’m not gonna do that…It’s just time to realize i get paid good money because i’m my company’s bitch…Yeaaaaaah more physical labor… See while the most physical labor you may have at your job is deciding where to walk to lunch….on any given night an overnight manager can physically unload the truck…pull the pallets (stacked about 7 feet or so high) to their spot on the floor….carry the boxes from the pallets to their specific aisle…stock those boxes…clean up the trash…take the leftover stuff that doesn’t fit on the shelves (backstock) to the backroom…and then finally put that stuff into the stockroom…all before listening to the opening manager complain about how little sleep they got…or how they had to stay up late to watch their favorite movie or something…oh shit! Sorry…sorry you had to be part of society for an extra hour…now if you’d excuse me i’m due to get some awkward stares at 7-11 for an early morning beer purchase.
This leads me to my next thought…
Working overnight leads to very questionable purchases…i want to be healthier…seriously i do…but imagine if everything was closed until 11PM for you…would you still feel like going to the grocery store or running errands…on a work night…i’m guessing probably not…and see this is a daily dilemma for me…cuz i could run all the errands i need to but then i have to switch my sleep schedule around…
So what this leads to is buying way more things than i should at 7-11…this starts at the least alarming, which is buying alcohol…a very limited…overpriced selection of alcohol…but you pay for the ease of purchase…but there should be a discount if you buy beer before noon on a weekday…cuz people look at you like you’ve just murdered their whole family in the parking lot…cleaned up and decided you needed to grab some beer for your get away.
But the alarming part comes from my food purchases…most people look at the things spinning on the rollers and think to themselves “who the fuck would eat that grade F hobo shit”
Well me and the two homeless people and the potential illegals in 7-11 are staring at those rollers just waiting..PRAYING…HOPING that mystery meat is up to temperature…Although it causes instant heartburn nothing beats the quick service and satisfaction you get out of a cheese injected cheeseburger big bite…or perhaps the assorted tacquitos….or like today one of they shotty egg sandwiches…i’ll make a deal with you…i bet the only time you would ever consider digesting this bile is when you are drunk and 7-11 is the only place open…for ME??? This is a meal CHOICE.
My car is 4000 miles over for an oil change…it took me over a month to get a haircut (and if you read the previous blog you saw how that went)…I have to pay rent today…mail out my car payment…
Ok maybe the last two are just my fault…well…working overnight and being a procrastinator probably isn’t the best combo…but whatever.
Oh…speaking of bills…my old gym…like ’07 old just tried to charge my card for $370….WHAT!?!? Did you think i was such a fucking workhorse (seeing as though i hadn’t been there since i lived in manassas well over a year and a half ago) that you think you could charge me after the fact…trying to give me a sense of nostalgia? Trying to tell me something! I get it World Gym…you say i’m out of shape…well i say you’re out of line…good luck getting your money…
I like how are politicians are supposed to be helping us get things brought into law and refine the system we currently have…yeah this is fucking hilarious…
The Gov. of IL i’m not even going to attempt to spell his name got caught…ON FUCKING TAPE…basically selling senate seats…hmmm…apparently he has been arrested..but how are you arrested but still hold your job…i’m not sure but if i told people on my team…there is a management slot open…and i’m not saying its for you…but there are a few cds i’d like to listen to and if anyone could make them materialize i’d sure remember that….Seriously? I’d be fired the SECOND human resources got wind of it….THE SECOND…meanwhile this big ‘ol d-bag is being told to ‘resign’. Politicians are saying…oh have class…resign…What? Class…have you seen what he has committed but you just expect him to suddenly say…My bad…i’m done…give it to the next guy….Here’s a new law to enact…if you commit a CRIME and are supposed to represent the government of the US and its people…you’re fucking DONE SON!!! How are we supposed to have faith in our government at this time when the people in power can just do whatever the fuck they want…us little people are hit with the depression…fuck it…stop calling it a recession…its awful and its lasting atleast for 2009 from what all the smart people are predicticating. But i guess it’s not officially a depression until all the people in the good ol boys club are hit…I think Obama’s dog should be an attack dog…blind fold it…drench all members of congress’ genitals with different animal scents…the ones that still own testicles go on…the rest are banished to Mexico. Atleast that would help weed out some of them. Then Arnold gets changed to Sgt at arms of Congress…anyone he even suspects of thinking about corruption gets pummeled no questions asked…and thus our government is reformed…
US government…if you wish to nominate me for the nobel prize or any other high honor…just leave a comment
JMU Mike might as well be called Rain Man Mike….This guy knows the capitals of countries you’ve never heard of…don’t even try to test it..he will embarass you which is hard because you never thought you even cared to know obscure world capitals…well he’ll do it as long as People’s Court is on…Cuz he’s “gotta see judge wopner…definitely gotta see judge wopner…definitely definitely gotta see judge wopner”
Chris Berman had a great call…Ravens Vs. Dolphins… Ron (in a palin impression) He’s a Maverick McClain goes in for a TD! Nice to see you’re back Berman…
Ant congrats on your birds winning in the 1st round
Pirate Mike: Congrats on VT winning a game that when looking preseason should have just been a normal game on the schedule…way to go tech? How can you feel good that you whole season culminates with a win over an OK team…that’s what i don’t like about college football…its like its a whole league that bought way to many ‘good effort’, ‘participation’, and ‘4th place’ awards and now they have to do something with them….oh look Notre Dame won a game…..Give em a bowl…fuck they sure did try…fat ass charlie Weiss even gimped around for a whole two games for only 50 million dollar or whatever insane amount of money they gave him.
Its funny thomas jones insulted brett favre after the season was over…any reason why you set a career high in rushing yards??? Oh maybe its because teams were too busy worrying about the best quarterback to play the game to worry about your marginal rushing skills…
Did you forget last season? You know the season where the Jets paid you and you produced just about nothing?
I didn’t…what i do remember is you rushing yards sucking for about the first half of the season…until favre started slinging TD passes all over the fucking place and then when they played off you started getting the ball.
Good luck when Favre’s gone…we’ll see who you bad mouth next.
I’m seeing the CAPS play the FLYERS tuesday night…fucking awesome…i’m not getting laid now…and seeing Ovie play is basically the next best thing…
Wow…i’m spent.
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