Snow way! I can’t believe its snowing!
I’m going to address the blog readers topics first…
Bonerjames…i like where your head is at 1/3 of the time…because i’m down for some basketball
Potential names for our Basketball team (s)
1) Carnival Crusin’ For A Brusin’
2) Eiffel Tower (only for 3 on 3…or i guess 2 on 1)
3) A-Train (people would assume it is because of ant, but actually we will all be wearing shirts of the failed running back anthony thomas)
4) Dora the sexual explorers
5) Little foot featuring the indians in the cupboard
6) Bangarang
7) Jai Ho
8) Slumdog dollar menu billionaires
For street hockey there would only be one option of course and that is
“The Street Sharks” we would be required to yell ‘jawesome’ after every goal..time out and period…
Next…
A-Rod…
Wow this guy knows how to dig some holes…he should think about construction….I was 24 or 25 i was young and stupid back then…yeah well put A-Rod…i’m 24 and guess what for over 10 years i have known that steroids were …dangerous, stupid, illegal….in middle school when i found out McGwire had been using them i already knew it was bad…much less now…when guess what…i’m 20 fucking 4 years old…(not 204…24) and i just have the reinforced even more…guess what…staying awake at my job is hard…but i don’t blow lines off the counter because it “might give me an edge and justify my salary” I just either…a) push through it/tough it out B) suck it up c) slam a legal supplement like an energy drink…
He also decided to say he didn’t know if he was doing it right so it might not have had an effect at all. Wow, everytime he attempts to take a step forward…he doesn’t just take two back…he stumbles down a flight of stairs…just say “yup, i took steroids…bad decision…i cheated but i’m getting my shit together” cuz guess what you said you injected yourself twice a month with the ‘roids…so how exactly were you not doing it right? You weren’t sure if they had an effect? Oh, yeah that’s hard to see…you missed the least amount of games in your career due to injury and your RBI and HR Avgs were higher than any other season.
A-Rod you make OJ look like a super genius…i mean your dumbassery is right up there with the book he was going to put out “If I Did It”
Its ballsy of you…we find out you cheat and then you donate 3.7 mil to miami so they can name their baseball stadium after you.
If people forgive you for what you did…i have a great excuse for another year…i was around 24 or 25…i didn’t know better…
what else did he say…oh he changed things from his peter gammons interview…so 2 interviews and a press conference with different answers everytime but i’m going to believe you now…
i was 24 i was young and dumb….don’t worry…i’m squared away now…lied in a nationally televised interview (how young and dumb were you then cuz that was like a year or two ago) i cheated on my wife, am going after madonna 25 years too late…but its cool cuz i’m more mature and know she can’t have babies anymore so i’m just being responsible…
Well atleast he plays for the yankees they have this routine down pat by now…Andy, Roger, Alex, Jason…the yankees are the first family of the steroid era
Bud Selig says not to blame him…he tried but the union made it difficult…wow…way to go…i thought you were in charge of the MLB not held hostage by others in your organization
I FUCKING HATE BASEBALL NOW
Not one person can take responsibility for what has happened….first it was the players…but now they can learn from the top…sweet
Black People and Scuba Diving…
Ant…i want to be able to snorkel or go diving with you on the cruise…but seriously i’m going to be stressed out the whole time….you made it through skiing so you’ve conquered frozen water…now all the sudden you want to be completely submerged..
Ant i’m pulling for you though…we can set it to some special olympic style fucking music as you smile and wave getting lowered into the water and if you make it you will cause a groundswell of support for the sport and give hope to those in bad situations world wide…just be ready for the fame.
And lets face it…black people tend to have a position that is anti-water….
Also, the only thing lamer than a black person skiing is a middle-aged white guy roller skating with pulled up tube socks and some old school short ass gym shorts.
I’m gonna need you to start snowboarding ASAP
Hey have you heard Obama wants to pass a sweet gun law.
Yeah now all guns will have to be registered with the federal not state government…sweet…if you move you have to alert the state 60 days prior to the moving and then re-register you guns for the new place or you are a felon…
Do you honestly think that the majority of firearm crimes are committed by people with registered weapons…because i doubt it…i’m going to guess the same people that have illegal or unregistered weapons now…are going to be the same people moving wherever the fuck they want to without reporting their firearms…so guess what…you’re just offering another chance for innocent people or atleast people guilty of non-violent crimes to take up more prison space and tax-payer money…but hey if you are trying to create jobs why not just go ahead and declare the US a giant police state and get to building some fences and more prisons…creates jobs right…furthers your agenda right…he while you’re at it go ahead and take a page out of you Chavez’s book…see if you can get an amendment passed to get rid of the two term limit..
Now here’s where i’m torn…i like the fact that Obama has been frank with the media and putting congress on blast and saying he doesn’t care about another term…that’s how all politicians need to be…but guess what…your cabinet is not the same fucking way…so having one guy at the top preach it so Everyone below him can continue what they normally do is like a huge fucking whitewash on the public…Anyone want to take a guess if Joe Biden (a career politician) cares about re-election…or what about Hillary…oh wait we all know she has no further ambitions…she’s docile right? Well atleast we don’t have to hear about any more people he was nominating breaking the law..
Like i’ve said before..i don’t want people to think i’m an obama hater…i’ve just had high hopes and he is butchering them so far…deliver on your promises…they don’t have to be immediate…just be consistent…
Really though…John McCain is no better…he looks like an ass right now for trying to blast Obama after the stimulus package thing….i understand…i don’t like it either…but someone actually needs to put their money where their mouth is when it comes to ‘bi-partisanship’ because right now its not fucking happening and its getting old. Its like a elementary school popularity contest…and i think its funny (though i don’t necessarily disagree now…) with the salary caps they have imposed…because guess what…i doubt if we said if you don’t stop these stalemates and lack of results and running the country into the ground we are going to hit you with a salary limit they would stand for that shit…
Guess what one of the main people from Nevada that put together the final sum for the stimulus bill made sure to keep the $8 billion project constructing a fast railway from Las Vegas to LA…now i can see how you can kind of justify it because of the money they will eventually spend there…but i’m pretty sure they aren’t going to spend $8 billion in Vegas anytime soon…so what the fuck..
that sums it up WHAT THE FUCK
our economy sucks..
We keep doing the same old thing
incompetency rules the day
Overnight retail sucks
Not getting laid sucks
I can’t find a decent hobby to keep me busy
WHAT THE FUCK
(continue submitting your topics and i’ll continue typing shit about them)
Some Distraction From Your Tuesday
I’m due for a raise at the start of march…so in preparation i think i’m going to go monocle shopping….Now i can’t decide though…is it too early for the monocle? Should i go for the top hat investment first? Because lets be honest….a monocle isn’t much without the top hat…and i don’t want to piss off such a powerful crowd. What about two monocle joined together…interesting idea there…i think i could coin that one….though i believe glasses kind of have that market cornered…
A monocle could take a respectable man and make him into a dick…or evildoer…right away….if you saw a picture of Winston Churchill or Lincoln but you saw a monocle on them…before you knew anything about them…boom…you would assume they are up to no good.
XM and Sirius Radio are supposed to announce they are bankrupt today….sucks for them. I think they had a good idea…and i just hope that it doesn’t die and that either DirecTv or Dish Network buy them up…they sunk a shit load of capital into that….millions for sattelites alone…not to mention oh I don’t know….$500 million over 5 years for Howard Stern. I say they just go Rouge and do whatever those two satelittes did earlier this week and play fucking space demolition derby….I know it wasn’t on purpose…but FUCK!
I have a moment of regret when i swallow gum cuz i have a few years till i pass that shit….in this case…that shit is in earth orbit’s stomach for 10,000 years…..10,000 that’s a LOT!
So I know personally I don’t vocalize much during sex…atleast not that much that is actually coherrent or forms actual words…its more like caveman style…just grunts and sounds…have you ever had a girl tell you she wants you to ‘say more during sex’ …i just think its a funny scenario (note this no longer pertains to me)
I just picture her horrified face as you keep yelling take that nasty cock you fucking bitch…you whore….oh yeah…that’s right….back up on that like you used to do for daddy…
she now realizes her mistake but has no way of addressing it…she asked you to speak up…you did…what can she do now…say quiet down…NOPE she is a woman and therefore will never admit she was actually wrong…so she now must stomach the audio bile that you are spewing at her during sex for as long as you are dating..
Now obviously there are the benefits…maybe you start talking and she starts talking real dirty too…now you’re basically shooting a porno everyday…
Other end though…she takes it way too far…and you get the idea that she’s done some stuff that you never wanted to know about or even thought was possible…
And last but not least….you all cancel each other out…the shockwaves from two sexual galaxies colliding ruins everything and you can’t even look at each other anymore.
I feel like whenever someone uses the term ‘trickle down effect’ they just don’t know much about economics and they want to sound important….yeah i tipped the bartender a lot more than usual..but you know dude…FUCKIN TRICKLE DOWN right? I’m just doing my part to rebound this economy!
So i decided days off can suck sometimes for me…because i’m not off when anyone else in society is…so when i’m out of movies and video games i’m just twiddling my thumbs….and that’s what i’ve realized lately though…Overnight is an easy excuse…but the reason why i’ve been less active and healthy is because i have no motivation to be so.
I used to have hockey…i’m gonna play hockey and i’m going to be great….also i loved doing it….so i could play hockey from sun up till sun down.
Then i used the weight room…well hockey’s over but i was always tired of being weak and thin….so i met my bench and weight goals….and now going all i see is the weight is the same but the amount i lift is less…that shit is discouraging.
Now i’m trying to use other things…reading….guitar…but its not the same…i gotta get that shit back man.
Any ideas?
Any Topics?
I warned you guys i was running out…
Jai Ho bitches
Jai FUCKING HO!
New Year’s Resolution: Be More Awesome/Rock Harder
One part of my about ten part new years resolution is getting the blog atleast close to daily updates again… slackers at work rejoice!
Subjects Covered:
Working Overnight
IL Political Situation
JMU “Rain Man” Mike
7-11 and How i run my errands
Chris Berman Is Back
NFL
So i had two trucks last night…i’m not sure but i think i’ve finally figured out what’s going on with my distribution center (the people that send me trucks)…I’m pretty sure they have a ‘Fuck Rudy’ button….Rudy has just relaxed from the 4th quarter he thinks its all over…ALL HANDS ON DECK…make sure to throw some KY on these trucks cuz he’s about to get fucked…again…I am the DC’s Whore…Seriously…2 trucks is a promise of a 12 hour day at minimum…i should have been there until 9 until my overnight manager Scott decided to jump on the grenade…For fuck’s sake…this makes no sense…Also, most of my team works two jobs…so guess what…around 6am (that’s right while you get up a little TOO early before your shift…realize its too cold to get up and piss and then go back to sleep for two more hours…)i’m having a fucking crisis in my store, everyone has to start leaving so they can get an hour of sleep before their next shift…and how can i honestly look at sweet hispanic women that work their asses off and tell them…’well sorry no sleep for you…now back to work!’ My team’s awesome i’m not gonna do that…It’s just time to realize i get paid good money because i’m my company’s bitch…Yeaaaaaah more physical labor… See while the most physical labor you may have at your job is deciding where to walk to lunch….on any given night an overnight manager can physically unload the truck…pull the pallets (stacked about 7 feet or so high) to their spot on the floor….carry the boxes from the pallets to their specific aisle…stock those boxes…clean up the trash…take the leftover stuff that doesn’t fit on the shelves (backstock) to the backroom…and then finally put that stuff into the stockroom…all before listening to the opening manager complain about how little sleep they got…or how they had to stay up late to watch their favorite movie or something…oh shit! Sorry…sorry you had to be part of society for an extra hour…now if you’d excuse me i’m due to get some awkward stares at 7-11 for an early morning beer purchase.
This leads me to my next thought…
Working overnight leads to very questionable purchases…i want to be healthier…seriously i do…but imagine if everything was closed until 11PM for you…would you still feel like going to the grocery store or running errands…on a work night…i’m guessing probably not…and see this is a daily dilemma for me…cuz i could run all the errands i need to but then i have to switch my sleep schedule around…
So what this leads to is buying way more things than i should at 7-11…this starts at the least alarming, which is buying alcohol…a very limited…overpriced selection of alcohol…but you pay for the ease of purchase…but there should be a discount if you buy beer before noon on a weekday…cuz people look at you like you’ve just murdered their whole family in the parking lot…cleaned up and decided you needed to grab some beer for your get away.
But the alarming part comes from my food purchases…most people look at the things spinning on the rollers and think to themselves “who the fuck would eat that grade F hobo shit”
Well me and the two homeless people and the potential illegals in 7-11 are staring at those rollers just waiting..PRAYING…HOPING that mystery meat is up to temperature…Although it causes instant heartburn nothing beats the quick service and satisfaction you get out of a cheese injected cheeseburger big bite…or perhaps the assorted tacquitos….or like today one of they shotty egg sandwiches…i’ll make a deal with you…i bet the only time you would ever consider digesting this bile is when you are drunk and 7-11 is the only place open…for ME??? This is a meal CHOICE.
My car is 4000 miles over for an oil change…it took me over a month to get a haircut (and if you read the previous blog you saw how that went)…I have to pay rent today…mail out my car payment…
Ok maybe the last two are just my fault…well…working overnight and being a procrastinator probably isn’t the best combo…but whatever.
Oh…speaking of bills…my old gym…like ’07 old just tried to charge my card for $370….WHAT!?!? Did you think i was such a fucking workhorse (seeing as though i hadn’t been there since i lived in manassas well over a year and a half ago) that you think you could charge me after the fact…trying to give me a sense of nostalgia? Trying to tell me something! I get it World Gym…you say i’m out of shape…well i say you’re out of line…good luck getting your money…
I like how are politicians are supposed to be helping us get things brought into law and refine the system we currently have…yeah this is fucking hilarious…
The Gov. of IL i’m not even going to attempt to spell his name got caught…ON FUCKING TAPE…basically selling senate seats…hmmm…apparently he has been arrested..but how are you arrested but still hold your job…i’m not sure but if i told people on my team…there is a management slot open…and i’m not saying its for you…but there are a few cds i’d like to listen to and if anyone could make them materialize i’d sure remember that….Seriously? I’d be fired the SECOND human resources got wind of it….THE SECOND…meanwhile this big ‘ol d-bag is being told to ‘resign’. Politicians are saying…oh have class…resign…What? Class…have you seen what he has committed but you just expect him to suddenly say…My bad…i’m done…give it to the next guy….Here’s a new law to enact…if you commit a CRIME and are supposed to represent the government of the US and its people…you’re fucking DONE SON!!! How are we supposed to have faith in our government at this time when the people in power can just do whatever the fuck they want…us little people are hit with the depression…fuck it…stop calling it a recession…its awful and its lasting atleast for 2009 from what all the smart people are predicticating. But i guess it’s not officially a depression until all the people in the good ol boys club are hit…I think Obama’s dog should be an attack dog…blind fold it…drench all members of congress’ genitals with different animal scents…the ones that still own testicles go on…the rest are banished to Mexico. Atleast that would help weed out some of them. Then Arnold gets changed to Sgt at arms of Congress…anyone he even suspects of thinking about corruption gets pummeled no questions asked…and thus our government is reformed…
US government…if you wish to nominate me for the nobel prize or any other high honor…just leave a comment
JMU Mike might as well be called Rain Man Mike….This guy knows the capitals of countries you’ve never heard of…don’t even try to test it..he will embarass you which is hard because you never thought you even cared to know obscure world capitals…well he’ll do it as long as People’s Court is on…Cuz he’s “gotta see judge wopner…definitely gotta see judge wopner…definitely definitely gotta see judge wopner”
Chris Berman had a great call…Ravens Vs. Dolphins… Ron (in a palin impression) He’s a Maverick McClain goes in for a TD! Nice to see you’re back Berman…
Ant congrats on your birds winning in the 1st round
Pirate Mike: Congrats on VT winning a game that when looking preseason should have just been a normal game on the schedule…way to go tech? How can you feel good that you whole season culminates with a win over an OK team…that’s what i don’t like about college football…its like its a whole league that bought way to many ‘good effort’, ‘participation’, and ‘4th place’ awards and now they have to do something with them….oh look Notre Dame won a game…..Give em a bowl…fuck they sure did try…fat ass charlie Weiss even gimped around for a whole two games for only 50 million dollar or whatever insane amount of money they gave him.
Its funny thomas jones insulted brett favre after the season was over…any reason why you set a career high in rushing yards??? Oh maybe its because teams were too busy worrying about the best quarterback to play the game to worry about your marginal rushing skills…
Did you forget last season? You know the season where the Jets paid you and you produced just about nothing?
I didn’t…what i do remember is you rushing yards sucking for about the first half of the season…until favre started slinging TD passes all over the fucking place and then when they played off you started getting the ball.
Good luck when Favre’s gone…we’ll see who you bad mouth next.
I’m seeing the CAPS play the FLYERS tuesday night…fucking awesome…i’m not getting laid now…and seeing Ovie play is basically the next best thing…
Wow…i’m spent.
Rudy's Nocturnal Admissions 