N. Korea + Fast and Furious = End of World
First off, I saw Billy Madison today…finally…10 years too late…so now you can’t hold that against me. I swear when people found out I hadn’t seen it, it was like i just told them i couldn’t read. How are you going to judge me based on a movie where Adam Sandler has to go back through grade school? It was pretty good…but i think i also had the Goonie effect…The Goonies were the shit in the 80s when i watched it as a kid. That was one of my favorite movies. I watched it in college and completely ruined any nostalgic feelings i had towards it….and just could shake how much of an asshole Corey Feldman was even at that young age.
So North Korea…what the fuck are you doing….well really i can’t say that….World, what have we been doing with that country over the last 20 years or so. We just allow their scare diplomacy to keep repeating itself over and over again, just assuming they aren’t really that big of a threat. Well guess what they finally followed through with what they said they would do, meanwhile we haven’t. What the fuck is a point of passing a resolution if you aren’t going to back it up. That is why i really didn’t have a problem with invading Iraq. It sent a message of..don’t fuck with us…don’t jerk us around…you can’t just throw out the fact that you might have nukes…or kick out weapons inspectors, making it look like you are doing something wrong and just expect to be able to kick your feet up on the table and laugh at everyone. Kim Jong Il did you forget you are North Korea? You’re not the USSR, just because you are behind in the times and are probably so backwards that you still have that country on your maps…it doesn’t mean the world still operates that way. I mean even their excuses are behind the times….Oh its not a long range missle launch…its a satellite. Really? We were using that excuse back in the 40s (weather balloons and roswell…remember that)…and it was a lame back then. Did you think we wouldn’t notice that there aren’t any more satellites in orbit. I’m sure all the N.Korean officials were high fiving each other…’we got those fuckers!’ they thought…too bad in the US or in the UN everyone was just shaking their heads. North Korea would be like the middle school kid that somehow still believes in Santa….you kind of leave him alone and let him figure it out for himself, meanwhile you ignore his threats about how you are going to get a lump of coal for Christmas.
So another sign that the world is about to end is the fact that the new fast and the furious movie is the #1 movie in America. Even more depressing is the fact that it is beating out Pixar films….It did more its opening weekend than ‘Cars’ and ‘Monsters Vs. Aliens’ and monsters vs aliens even had 3-D in it. How could we let this happen? How does Vin Diesel get to revive his career while so many deserving talented people and professionals watch their careers disappear. You know none of the actors even had to look at a script. The director starts to say something…paul walker and Vin just say…”Push the pedal down…play some ja rule music…yeah we got it”. I bet you anything Vin Diesel got to ad lib…not because he is an acting prodigy but because the script/plot had to be basically non-existent…They just picked out cars and started filming. One trailer some chick says something like which do you want more (shows a car and her) Vin Diesel says…Both…I can always appreciate a nice body. Then FAST AND THE FURIOUS pops up on the screen. Meanwhile i’ve got my hands on my head and am jumping off the couch…oh jesus! are you kidding me….oh man..please tell me this can’t be…we are paying this guy millions. I wish this frachise would just Tokyo Drift off a fucking cliff.
There is a show coming out called pitchmen it basically has Billy Mays and the Australian dude that does the point and paint and some other products…evaluating other people potential infomercial products. I can’t wait for a full of him self Billy Mays play the roll of ‘expert’ . Billy Mays here!!! you product sucks balls get the fuck out of here!
Spike TV is 100% in tune with their audience. How do i know this….here was the line-up last night. 3 hours straight of UFC….4 episodes of 1000 ways to die complete with corny punch lines….followed by Manswers (which always finds ways to work boobs questions into the mix)…and they are showing previews every commercial break of a show where they take a bunch of ancient weapons and smash shit with them to find out which warrior group was the best. Bravo Spike, you are doing what you were created to do. Remember when that channel used to be called TNN….i don’t think anyone ever watched TNN for anything…The only shows i could think they used to have were ‘Renegade’…’walker texas ranger’…and ‘Hee Haw’. You remember Renegade…it was the show about the ex-con thats style of Justice consisted of a motorcycle…mullet…denim vest…and a sawed off shotgun….fuck yeah! I feel like kids all across Canada still have posters of that fucker up in their bedrooms.
The movie Choke…and Gran Torino….both great movies…don’t listen to Ant. It does crack me up though because you normally know if Ant is having a good time or not by about half-way through the movie…If he says nothing…you’re fine…that just means he’s indifferent. Once the word ridiculous is uttered…fucking forget it. Its game over…Ant doesn’t want to hear any more about the movie once it is over…and his only retort to questions about what he thought of the movie will be as follows…”oh man, are you kidding me” “That movie was FUCKING RIDICULOUS” …a sarcastic drawn out OK…or a simple head shake. I’m sorry movies are ridiculous to you Ant, i’ll shoot a movie for you that consists of mediocre days at work.. a half hour of commuting from work singing to songs and cussing at bad drivers…followed by an acceptable dinner, balancing a checking account and going to bed at a reasonable hour. There’s your realism. I like strange or quirky movies because they are different, because its something you don’t see everyday, it helps break up the monotony….Because its not realistic, because i thought movies were supposed to kind of take you out of your own life…
Choke was a book written by the same guy that wrote fight club. Its about a guy that’s a sex addict, his sex addict friends, and the fact that he chokes on food on purpose to get money and affection out of people.
but thats just me….Ant you can stop shaking your head now…no more movie blog speak.
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