The Chronicles of Al, Birthdays, Facial Hair, and Topless Wrestling

February 23, 2009 at 10:38 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

So first thing is first…Jordan you have earned a nickname on this blog….you will now be known as AL or ‘The AL’  The Anti-Liver….First off for the fact that whenever you are within the same state line as me my liver shivers and we take binge drinking to a new level…Also the Anti-Liver because we tend to wind up in dangerous, life threatening situations…

So Friday night was like juggling barrels of gun powder while you’re standing in a volcano…shit’s about to go off at any moment…you best hope is just to keep moving.  We pre-gamed at Club 215 now tentatively named Club 555 Soul (pronounced triple 5).  JMU Mike is a fan of the gray area sometimes just as Pirate Mike is…however he just doesn’t say anything…he just does it an explains later…we needed beer for beer pong.  I ask mike if he has beer…he says..no i have liquor….That’s cool but my question was about beer.  Can you get some beer? i ask…Mike says I’ve got 3-4 beers…but i have a lot of liquor….then he came over, and behold his powers…..He comes bearing no alcohol whatsoever but does have two large mixed drinks with him….”well they have a lot of liquor”  well you sir have a lot of lies!

Anyways, we are off to Lucky bar…some old metro worker lets us into the bathroom…The Al decides that ‘You know, i’ve never been out in DC before…i should just wander ahead of the people that know where they are going’

So we patiently wait and then the metro guy ends things with an awkward story about how his ex-girlfriend had his child aborted…but he thought she was never pregnant to begin with an asked to ‘see the blood’  and then thought that he was proven right when she got pissed and didn’t produce said blood.

In that same logic i could call someone a racial slur or some other offensive name and if they get pissed just say ‘yep…I knew it! That proves it!’

Anyways The AL hadn’t wandered too far and we got to the bar.  I of course opened a tab…we get drinks…and more drinks…i open a second tab simultaneously at the bar on the first floor…It is about 11:30 and The Al has been cut off….I ordered shots for me and Pirate Mike (the birthday boy!) and before she gives me the shots she makes me promise i wont give one to good ‘ol AL.  

I then have to steer The Al around lucky bar so he doesn’t slap girls’ asses or shove anyone…i felt like some sort of fucked up Driver’s Ed behind the wheel teacher.  Only problem is i only have the steering wheel no accelerator or brake.  

Somewhere in the bar  BonerJams has just crapped his pants for the second time…ditches the boxers in the bathroom and continues on.

Me and Al decide to head to Clarendon.  AL decides to show me how he can talk to anyone and strikes up a conversation with our Pakistani driver….AL decides he’s going to pretend he is also from Pakistan and gets angry at the driver when he says that he doesn’t like how hard he has to work and his job in the US (mind you at this time he’s talking to a drunk yelling american telling him why our country is superior). Al then says he’s from Kashmir and then mixes the driver up as being Indian…could have sworn they are mortal enemies (but AL being a Paki and all couldn’t possibly make a mistake like that).

We finally get to Clarendon…I crap at 7-11 AL decides to try and convince me we should steal some stuff….I refuse and look at what he wanted to steal (cases of ramen and monster energy drink)

We just drink more at the clarendon grille and talk to girls….get another cab back..after last call.

The AL now pretends he is from Italy…he cusses out the driver as he drops us off.  

We burst into Mark’s Pub…i scream “MAAAARKS PUB!  Give me a drink STAT!!!”  I make a few more pleas and walk home.

Me and AL finally get home…JMU Mike and BonerJams end up coming over…walking to 7-11 to get some food and come back…i am very disappointed by the fact i was offered a big bite…not a cheeseburger big bite….i throw half of my stale bun at BonerJams.

He offers me some cheetos…i have some and launch the rest at him…someone (me?) gets Pirate Mike’s chips out of the fridge and they end up smashed up all over the floor.

At this point me and Bonerjams start shoving each other (all in good fun) and in the process AL gets pushed over the side table and knocks over what was left of a cranberry and vodka….

Bonerjams shakes up a beer and sprays beer on wall.

Bonderjams and i tackle each other into the hallway….Katie…poor katie from 217 opens her door and we tackle each other through it….laughing and rolling around as she stands horrified.

At this time Pirate Mike gets back with MixedAssRachel….Pirate Mike is none too happy since the apt now has a rainbow or stains all over it and the food he was saving for the drunk munchies is now gone…

To make matters worse when he gets to his bathroom he finds that his stereo has been placed in the tub (Ant had to get in the mix sometime)

And that was just friday…

Sat. we go to Bonerjams central for a garage party.  The Al drinks way too much…he is found by Ant crawling up the stairs like the girl from the ring and is then later discovered passed out under the dryer in the laundry room….BonerJams’ roommate picks off the weakling from the herd and take him up to her room to have her way with him.

While doing the deed…The AL recalls hearing me scream “We ain’t no god damned Elvises…POLICE…THAT MOOOSTAAAAACCHE!!!”  

It is a reference heard way too much during the weekend….it is from about a 30 second clip of generation kill dealing with the ‘grooming standard’…a show you wouldn’t expect something funny to come from…

Jai Ho was danced…

Fun was had…

The AL left on Sunday…just in time, for another day and my organs would start failing (my liver thought he just landed at Normandy and was trying to shove its intestines back in…)

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