Rudy’s Nocturnal Admissions

Just was thinking…what embodies my return to blogging after a brief hiatus better than a lil wayne quote…answer…nothing

So what’s the miracle in Miracle Whip? 

I’m gonna say its false hope…because anyone with miracle whip Always tries to pass it off like its the same thing as mayo…”Hey i’m getting ready to have a delicious leftover cold turkey sandwich do you have any mayo?”

Two responses from those miracle whip eating bastards:

1) “Yeah sure…here you go!” *Plunk*   As you look bewildered at your supposed friend that’s when they announce its the same thing.  Or that its better for you.  Its about that time if you’re on T-Mobile you consider eliminating them from the fav 5 status.

2) “No but i’ve got miracle whip…its basically the same”  As you attempt to keep your fists from balling up you think about where to take this to.  Should you tell him miracle whip is to mayo as Mustard is to Honey Mustard…or Spicy Brown mustard….If someone asked me for mustard i wouldn’t fucking hand them honey mustard and expect them to be happy…AT THE VERY LEAST…i would say…sorry…no mustard…but here’s what i DO have.  You see that? you don’t get your hopes up…but other doors of condiment options open to you…

Anyways, two things made me go off on this miracle whip rant…One…i was pulling miracle whip out of the stockroom and was just thinking about how many people this bottle had the potential to disappoint…

and Two…my grandparents…they always have miracle whip never mayo…But i always ask for mayo…and they always say yes…and since i don’t see them frequently i figure that they’ve finally switched over to the right side of the fight…only to find out that my sandwich has been ruined by this imposter

But speaking of the grandparents…I LOVE watching The Price Is Right with old people.  They get blown away at every bid and contest.  A car is up there to win and the grandparents try to play along with the contestant….”Oh that vehicle should cost no more than $2000″  and then when its revealed that the car is 20,000 you just glance over at grandma and watch as she scrambles to pick her heart up off the floor “well i never…”  and that launches into the “in my day a hooker cost a nickle and you could fly to europe for a forth pence” or some other monetary denomination that no longer exists.  In much the way that the wheel on Price As Right comforts the old people (since no matter what time you’re in…you’re always going to try for the dollar spot…inflation doesn’t exist on the big wheel…only hopefilled elderly citizens..military personnel…college kids and the impoverished.)  i feel that the brief return of the buffalo nickle must have felt the same way to them…Grandads got their fedoras back out and grandma started flashing some calf again like some sort of floozy.

I’ve decided everyone’s a nerd…just the bigger, faster, stronger ones got to classify themselves as jocks….I’m a nerd….and though i wouldn’t have ever considered myself a straight up jock…once upon a time i was in good shape…But i still loved my video games….because no matter what is going on…you aren’t thinking about shit while playing call of duty but saving the world…and vanquishing your virtual foes….and theater nerds get to act like they aren’t who they really are…and art nerds get to paint their feelings that they may not be able to express….or put into a painting what they can’t put into words…or just simple craft a world they wish they could be in…and book worms can immerse themselves into a world other than their own and let their imagination take control. Athletes get lost in the game, the competition, the sense of team you get from it all…but we’re all nerds in some way…its really just what people are either passionate about or what they use to escape.

And on that less shallow statement i’ll end this blog..