Rudy’s Nocturnal Admissions

So i’m trying to change the format of my blog….to ensure more regular posts you will get one post based on current events…one based on random thoughts…and one based on current events in my life…

This one…random thoughts.

I have no clue why bar furniture is so high and uncomfortable.  You would think they would want to make it comfortable…keep the drunk people comfortable and spending money…though i do see the downside of drunk people passing out in their awesome bar couches.  But still that does not excuse bar stools.  They are about 4ft high.  You perch yourself on them and try to find the balancing act immediately.  And for people like me (over 6 ft).  You have the dilemma.  Sit on the edge of the seat and try to lay your feet on the ground?  you do this and the chances are that your ass is going to be sore.  The other idea….try to find some way to hook your feet around the bar on the bottom of the stool.  And that sucks too….your knees, feet, or back ultimately hurt.  Fuck bar stools…..the only time they are ok is if you have the necessary bar on the table…you know the one i’m talking about.  The bar that if its there it puts you at ease…but if its not its gonna be a long night.  HEY THERE! I love you! You kick your feet out and the comfortably rest on the table giving you a great base….you now will have a comfortable seat and have a very low risk of a drunken spill to the floor.

Have you noticed how awkward it is to try and scootch your bar stool forward while sitting on it.  It like how tight rope walkers probably feel….As you try and slide it against the floor you feel it sort of teeter.  You need ninja like precision to make sure you get it in place without making yourself look like an ass.  I feel like when i’m getting ready to change position i should just motion to the waitress for one of those balance bars they normally use with tight rope walking.

Anyways, even if you get passed the uncomfortable fact that bars are not willing to give you a back to your chair or a place to rest your feet…how about this?

Why do they perch all the drunk people an extra foot or so higher from the ground than their normal patrons.  This makes no sense other than to entertain other customers and the waiting staff.  You take your people with the least coordination and you put them in the most dangerous position in your establishment.  What if i’m just plain clumsy (which i am) and with my long legs [they go on for miles ;0) ] i get one hooked into the stool and fall on my way to the bar?  What if i am severly fucked up and am trying to perch back on my stool and since i’m given a very small area to sit on and balance…i fall back.  Game over.

…whatever…just a thought though….get all your diners spending less money into the uncomfortable spaces…and give us fun loving money spending young folks the cushy booths.

…So you guys remember double dare?  You remember when you had the choice to take a physical challenge?

What happens when your kid has too much confidence in your familys athletic abilities…or atleast slime transporting abilities. cuz lets face it about half the challenges dealt with how much slime your could balance on your head and move across a wet floor…..the only other ones dealt with head-eye coordination…one kid throws something awful and you have to catch it in the beaker attached to your head and transport it to the waiting other family member to offload it into some sort of measurement container.

Anyways….i think it would be funny seeing the kids over and over yelling “Physical Challenge!” and then you look over to the parents that are like “fuck how does he not know we are the least physically gifted…least coordinated family to be welcomed onto the shit show”.  So they have to trot out againt to embarass dad as he slips on the wet floor concussing himself while the son thows random objects at his head with his patented limp wristed throwing style.  

Also with double dare…you remember all the obstacles on the final challenge?  My favorite…the hamster wheel when you had to run up the wheel to get the arm to drop…i also liked that pool thing you could jump over and the fire pole.

Hard ones?  Don’t get caught with 10 seconds to spare and the nose to go through…you know what i’m talking about…its the nose you had to dig through to find the flag….looks like your not getting your trip to a club med property…and tell johnny to stop practicing his casio keyboard in his head…cuz that shit isn’t happening.