Weekend Blog
What’s more annoying than talking to a drunk person when you’re sober? Talking to a drunk person while you’re sober……..and at work. Note to my friends: don’t call me on a friday night when you know i’m working and you’ve been at a bar for 5 hours. Because not only is it annoying for you to be screaming nonsense into the phone over loud music and all the other happiness and bullshit in the backround…i have to try and get to a place…FAST…where my employees can’t find out that i hang out with a bunch of drunkards.
So more stories from my employees…The same hispanic lady that calls me Mister Sir Rudy (i feel like some sort of knight or some shit)….she also tells me the same story about her daughter all the time….Over….and Over…again. See its a sad story…her daughter is handicapped…and she always tells me she needs more hours to support her. Medical bills…schooling and otherwise….Buuut. She tells me the same thing….in broken english…combined with my broken spanish. My daughter is ehhhh…a retarded….ehh..she no think good….uummm she talk no funny but she need diaper she baby….(me yeah..uh huh…how is her school)….School is good classmate 3 daughter retard. This broken slow story goes on…and on for about 10 minutes….and this only happens when i need to give her a ride home. See she doesn’t have a car and sometimes while she’s wandering the store after she’s clocked out people forget to take her home and then its up to me. Everything is fine it starts out with “oh mr sir rudy your very nice hahah” and then we start driving and she just randomly starts into a story….”My daughter eh…etc”
That’s how i end 10-12 hour days….covered in dirt and trash residue….playing fucking spanish guess who language addition….and then getting stuck in traffic for an hour.
Hey did you hear that Kate from Jon and Kate wants to be in a movie some day….what a fucking cunt…goes on all day about how Jon is ruining everything and her kids are crushed but then decides that’s the time to tell everyone she thinks she should be in hollywood….Fuck you Kate….Guess what….fuck housewives of whatever fucking city….Look at Kate Housewive of everyday america….plan on being a housewife and don’t have any fall back plans or skills and wind up banking on hollywood for a job.
I have no problems with housewives by the way…i’d love to be able to make enough money to support my wife and family and have her be able to stay home and give more attention to the kids…but i’m not marrying no dumb no talent broad that can’t hold her own. A trophy wife isn’t pointless i guess…but if you pick that same trophy wife to stay at home and raise your family good luck…you’ll end up with gold digger daughters and little boys that learn no actual skills…its basically a D-bag factory.
Hey guess what…the world series is 1-1….the way i see it is that i just saved about 7 hours of my life by not watching the games…cuz really its 0-0 in a 5 game series…that’s why i’ll only watch a world series game in about the 7th inning in an elimination game. Its more exciting updating the score on your phone that watching a 15 minute hitless inning.
Our apartment is full of DJ fucking heroes. That’s right…i didn’t think it was good enough to be proficient at one plastic instrument…needed to move on to a second…and one that looked more ridiculous to play….too bad DJ Overnight (lamest by far name) DJ Osama Spin Laden (Ant) and DJ Phat Pocketz (pockets…obviously)…don’t give a shit…we’re gonna wear those wheels of steel plastic out…and quick….So if you wanna hear mash ups…but want to get the live feel without the skill or perfection…head over to club 215…we the bessssssssst!
Just a short random blog….i’m all over the place…deal with it…
Eat your veggies!
Hey Stop Procrastinating And Read This!
This is It…Proper title for the “new” Michael Jackson movie…because this is it…this is the last possible moment that i will continue to tolerate MJ in the news these days. I’m not saying he wasn’t a great performer…i’m just saying….the only time i should hear about him again is when he releases 20 more albums after his death like Pac…and only then it should be a Halloween tale (about the The Little Molester That Couldn’t Quit…its like the little engine that could…but instead of getting up a hill he keep raping children). Jackson got his dues…he got every show on every channel singing his praises and tossing aside his ‘darker side’ to honor him for the musician and showman he was. He got made for TV movies….he made his brothers a shit ton more of money by selling a lot more Jackson 5 CDs…he owned iTunes. But now? Now….doesn’t it kind of feel cheap…Doesn’t it kind of feel like we are going to the colosseum. Watch the last thing the guy did before he died? I mean its cool you get to see Michael perform his practices for what was supposed to be his last concert…But wasn’t Michael Jackson always seen as a perfectionist for his live shows? So don’t you think the last thing he’d want people to see are taped practices for his last big tour? That’s a DVD extra not a movie. And i think it does the Jackson family a disservice. It also draaaaaags out this thing for another month or so.
Jesus fucking buttfucking christ. I was wrong about the swine flu….Everyone get scared….I’ll wait…
Scared yet? Ok here’s why you should be….Remember when i said it would only kill babies and the elderly…people that are good at dying by their nature?
Wrong! While babies are worthless and the elderly see walking without assistance as a significant accomplishment guess who are the other people affected….Yup!! All of us 20 somethings….see our parents and other old people got shots for the initial swine flu so show some sort of resistance to this new swine flu…Guess who don’t…US. Over 55% of people in the 20 something demographic are hospitalized by Swine Flu. Also, remember a lot more people die of things like pneumonia a side effect sometimes from the flu than the actual flu itself….so numbers of swine flu related deaths could actually be higher.
Also, Brock Lesnar just cancelled his latest title defense with the UFC….oh i don’t care moan my readers…like fucking shit you don’t care. Brock Lesnar is the heavyweight champion of the UFC walks around at about 285 and was a multiple time collegiate wrestling champ…and guess why his fight is being cancelled….the flu. Yup, didn’t say swine flu as of yet…but i don’t think the regular ol’ flu puts down a beast like that. Also, he said its like nothing else that ever hit him….
So i guess what i’m sayin is….first 10 people to comment on this get 10% my shit when i die of swine flu.
Redskins fans…i don’t understand you.
How can a sea of fans be so upset that their over the hill…old…expensive…draft pick less team…has given them mediocre results….Be pissed when you watch the dumb singings and trades…be pissed when you draft the top DE but move him to LB….but stop fucking saying you’re going to the playoffs every year and then lose your shit when you don’t get to 10 wins. Staring into the sun doesn’t make me a fucking astronomer…..and predicting 10 wins every year doesn’t make you a playoff team. For fucks sake your owner is a dwarf….which is ironic because he owns amusement parks but can’t even ride his own roller coasters. You botch the hiring of a head coach (jim zorn) then take away his play calling duties to give them to a dude that’s last important call was the winning square in bingo (Sherman Lewis). You spend $100 million on a DT when your Defense was a top 10 defense but refuse to sign anyone to sure up your O-Line…OH KAY Skins fans….get with fucking reality…you weren’t a good team before pre-season….You’re not a good team now…You got about 3 years before you’ll be legit. Oh and Jason Cambell…even when he isn’t getting sacked that just gives him enough time to make a bad throw…
Hate me DC….HATE ME….but try and prove me wrong.
Why the fuck do people listen to Lizards about car insurance…a Gecko told you you could save 15% on your car insurance….That’s cool…the US military said fuck your Gecko and its cheaper than Geiko. USAA motherfuckers. The only information i care about that comes from a gecko is if it could tell me how to climb up walls or lick my eyeballs when they’re itchy.
Nocturnal Rudy: Diary of An Angry Black Woman
Ok…so first thing is first. I am definitely not a woman…and further more i’m not even black. However! Tyler Perry has made a shit load of movies and money…and he seems like a strange dude…so if it works for him…why not me?
So remember that format…that is just to ensure more regular blogs….this blog is a mix of my life and randomness….
At this rate i’m going to be the most hated person at my job. Cuz i had to Jim Zorn a mother fucker today. See Dan Snyder took away his head coach’s play calling ability last week and that doesn’t seem to be working out to well for him. Well today at work i had to take away an essential job function from an employee because he is not good at it. And the thing is…this guy taught me a lot about my job…AND he’s got like 6 years of experience on me….so didn’t really feel too red hot…but oh well…we’ll see how that goes.
so you ever wonder how to land a sweet retail job like me? Well here are some steps for you.
1) Major in something very broad and don’t be Ant. See although Ant majored in Communications he had that whole being a living breathing superhero thing on his side. I on the other hand majored in management…and guess what…i’m managing the fucking shit out of some shit. Just so happens its overnight…i wear bleach stained pants to work because i don’t want to mess up good clothes and leave work covered in a fine coating of dust and sweat.
2) Stay AWAY from the library in college….If you ever saw me with a stack of books in the library…chances are i’m in an awesome game of spades. (Note: i’m no dummy…though i may have fooled you through my butchering of the english language and ranting about unimportant shit…i still did pretty well for myself in the grade department)
3) Assume you’ll think of your dream job and achieve landing it sometime while you’re in college. Then wait…
4) Have a lot of patience and the ability to open boxes quickly…
There you go!
So baby wipes aren’t just for babies any more…and neither is fucking baby powder! Time to take the power back from the babies…Do your ass and balls a favor and invest…and feel like a king when you leave the bathroom….Or atleast “Shower fresh”….that’s fucking tagline for the Cottonelle wipes. Classic. ”Your butt’ll be strikingly clean” was their first choice but it didn’t test well with the focus groups.
Seriously though, we spend time picking up dog shit and doing everything for worthless babies. Fucking grow up already babies. Here are the things i’m going to train my baby to do.
First words/Conversation: Learn the ability to say “Oh sorry dad, i apologize for being a stupid fucking baby again…i’ll learn to shit in the toilet like a human and thus separate myself from the animals”. Its a mouthful i know…but also completely necessary.
Next: “Right away dad”
Next: Powder own ass…or find a way to not wear a diaper. Because contrary to all you baby’s stupid thoughts….there’s nothing convenient about carrying your shit with you every where you go.
I lost my voice last night
Whenever i lose my voice i feel like i could go up to a deaf or blind person and be like “I know right!?!” Or at the very least give a head nod…though it might not be as impactful for the blind guy.
Hey Thursday Night TV! I guess you never got caught bringing programming to school….Cuz you’re hogging it all…and i think its about time you share with the rest of the class. Seriously my DVR gets a workout every thursday….We almost need a second TV in the living room just so we don’t have to miss anything. The DVR makes you make unnecessary decisions…like its trying to teach americans to be less greedy. Yeah, you can tape and even pause live TV go ahead and try! Oh you wanna tape three shows…SHAME ON YOU…decide which one dies….
I wonder how many writers are cussing at their TV when they realize their show is never going to make it when their show ends up on their own DVR chopping block….Ohhhh I just picked a show about internet clips over my own tv show…shit looks like no golden globe this year…
Balloons, Babies, and Bailouts
So can we stop feeding these media whores already? They are just screeching with their mouths outstretched waiting for all of us to feed them….and we can’t help it…we feed them…over and over again…
I’m speaking mainly about “Jon and Kate” and the “balloon boy” and his parents.
Jon and Kate:
Every week i see another magazine headline…detailing Jon’s dating life or some sob story headline about Kate…She’s talking about how all of this is ruining the kids….Newsflash…that’s what divorces do…I mean the fact that you signed on to have your kids video taped for a few years…yeah i’m sure they are fine from that…its all the divorce that is screwing them up. Fuck you Kate. You’re a fucking wench to your husband…so he left you. You tried to be all controlling and both of you got wrapped up in the celebrity of it all…so have fun now…you’ve gotten what you deserve. The kids though, sucks for them….They didn’t ask mom and dad to get artificially inseminated (which ups the chance of twins or higher astronomically)…and that would be hard enough being one of the sextuplets….but then throw in that you have twins for other brothers and sisters bringing the total to 8…you have a dad with a crushes spirit and a succubus for a mom…ok now we are reaching the danger zone…Oh but wait, lets throw em on TV. Lets wait for mom and dad to get high off of celebrity and cheat on each other and have the whole divorce public. Great call…The way i see it they need to start being adopted out because you’ve already seriously fucked these little kids up. TLC may have got the jump on “Jon and Kate plus 8″ but what about E!….They will eventually get 10 true hollywood stories out of this deal. Yeah, TLC you may have cashed in now…but E! is letting that shit simmer for a bit….just letting it sit in the bank building up more and more…until they cash out…CHA-CHING!
That’s when Aiden or whatever the softheaded one with glasses’ name is reveals his struggles with heroin and his failing rock career.
The older twin sisters are in porn and one dies of aids. The other kids all share a one bedroom apartment and work as a cleaning service but have all written scripts for their variety show and are just waiting for their big break.
Kate gets killed by the body guard and Jon has a coke problem…and is dating younger girls that he thinks are attractive just because they are young…but look like the girls that spend 20hrs a day in the tanning bed. He at this point will have very little hair but will still be trying to spike it…will have a d-bag soul patch and always wear mirrored oakleys.
Balloon kid:
I’m SO glad i missed all the live news coverage when everyone thought this kid was in a weather balloon. That shit wasn’t believable during Roswell and its still a lame excuse when using it for lost kids. Apparently the dad has tried multiple things to try to get publicity…and this final stunt was used to launch a potential reality TV show….Well we are playing right into it…with all of these daily articles.
So first of all the kid’s name is Falcon….strike one. Strike two? The parents were already on an episode of wife swap…..Strike 3? The dad’s horrible acting…whenever in a bind he would just say “i’m so glad we found you!” followed by quickly grabbing his sons head and kissing it…to not only try to show how much he loves his son…but to shut him up.
Where i do have to give them credit…Its pretty ballsy to come up with a weather balloon as an excuse…because seriously…how dumb of a country are we when we belive that…this ‘normal family’ just has weather balloons laying around….and that his son somehow crawled into it and they had no way of stopping it before they released it. And how would you not tear your house apart while reporting your son is supposedly in the balloon….Also, how could it not be a hoax…the kid is small as shit…wouldn’t he have to get some assistance to get up to where he was hiding…or leave some evidence of stuff he used to climb up there?
What’s funny about the situation though: that there isn’t really much they can get charged with….they are saying the most the can be charged with as of now is a class 2 misdemeanor. And really the family got what they wanted…because even if they don’t get a reality show…they still got their moment in the spotlight. SNL, days of news stories, and interviews. So we are all the suckers…and we’ve all been watching reality shows and viral videos for years now…so why are we gonna try and get all mad now? Yep..we’re dumb and we can’t get enough of trying to immerse ourselves in other people’s lives to take the focus off of our own….So guess what…lets just laugh with them…don’t be outraged…you’ve been had….Laugh it off and watch some My Antionio or something.
In closing…i guess i’ve been had to….because even though i was late on the balloon boy story and don’t follow the Jon and Kate show….Here i am…bloggin about it…shit…lets get some real news headlines so we can stop giving these people all of our attention.
In very related news…how does it feel to have your money go to more executive bonuses for failed companies…Yeah, that’s right…AIG all over again but with way more companies…These bailed out companies are giving out record bonuses. SOME of them have paid back the money they borrowed from us…but its funny…the only reason they were able to do that was by lending less to people. That’s funny…the only way you were saved is because these same people had to take on the financial burden to save your company and your repayment is to make is much harder for those same people to lend from you. You pay back the money and its high-fives all around! And then you have a money burning party.
We’re screwed….we give all of our media coverage to weather balloon hoaxes and reality stars…meanwhile a shaky and super expensive health care plan is trying to be pushed through and the big companies we just got done saving are looking for ways to get close to ruining us again.
God Bless America!
Seriously…i love the country…but hate the inefficiency of this establishment.
McDonalds Monopoly = Surplus of Park Places and Weight Gain
So TV huh?
Yeah…i know the baseball playoffs are on…but i would rather watch NFL Preseason re-runs or perhaps Ben Stein reading instruction manuals before i’d flip that shit on TV…
What is great though are all the shows on these days…there are SO many ways for me to justify not getting back into shape….Well…i would but its Wednesday and new south parks and the ultimate fighter are on. Oh Thursday…just forget it…i’m not even gonna tell you an excuse…i might miss a second of the ten shows i have lined up.
I found out though…that although i get excited to watch the ultimate fighter (which so far this season has beat Leno in one episode and the MLB playoffs the last episode) it is WAY better watching live for the network. Because when its recorded…guess what happens…that’s right…Fast Forward to the last 10 minutes and just watch the fight….the way i see it i just bypassed 50 minutes of a gayer real world and get to the part where two of them beat the piss out of each other.
Speaking of Fast Forward….how about Flash Forward. Great fucking show….but someone on the radio today said its ”Lost Lite” . My problem with that….what has lost done in the 20 years its been on other than just give you more questions…how much has the ACTUAL STORYLINE from season 1 advanced….I’d say not much.
I don’t know what it is…but i can’t fucking quit McDonalds…those golden arches look like two giant middle fingers to my brain…but for some reason my heart just keeps going back….Its kind of like a trailer park relationship….Get beat…swear you’ll never do it again…and before you know it you’re watching Roseanne repeats with a bag of frozen peas on your eye.
Now i don’t want to make it seem like i go ALL the time…but its the fact that i don’t really like their food but i keep coming back. And i also don’t like the way they run their business but i’ll get to that in a second. I only go to McDonalds between 1am and 7am. The breakfast is awesome…and its drunk food is awesome…and i’ve gotten to be a pro with ordering food through a drive-thru from a cab.
However…if you go at about 330 which isn’t out of the question for me…i believe that is when they switch over to breakfast…McDonalds don’t try to get high and mighty on me now and try to dictate what is that appropriate meal to eat…Last time i checked your breakfast menu had breakfast meats, and eggs, sandwiched between syrup injected pancakes. So really i don’t think its right of you to try and force meal choices on me. Plus for the most part things are either just nuked or deep fried….I don’t think to myself…YES i got there right as the breakfast hours kicked in…now i’ll get the fresh shit…I’m just thinking…its gonna take forever because they are still lugging all that shit out of the freezer and getting everything ready. Am i really throwing you in that much of a loop to ask for fried potatoes sliced into sticks Vs. sliced potatoes shaped like an oval and rectangle bastard child? Because i’m pretty sure there isn’t a prep cook back there slicing away at potatoes going FUCK! now i gotta change all this shit up because of one order. You already have the inventory there….just toss it in the fryer and give me my god damn chicken McNuggets….Stop ruining the american dream McDonalds!
You know what is sure to get me every year though…FUCKING MONOPOLY…..i always save the pieces like i give a shit..but sure enough a couple weeks later i forget about it…and i just see random properties floating across the room like tumbleweed. But i can’t help it! How can you combine a great american board game AND the great american homeless game known as the Lottery and NOT expect me to play…Fuck you McDonalds….(but let it be known that the Hashbrowns are the best value…they are like a buck and you get your two properties out of it…you’re welcome)
Me and JMU Mike had what we thought was a brilliant scheme in college. We would order large waters and get the fucking properties…WIN! However…one day we got a little too ballsy and every time afterwards our plan was ruined….Who would thought if you ordered 6 waters they would catch on. So we looked in horror as the manager leaned over the drive thru worker and handed us our 6 waters…in water cups…without monopoly tickets….FOILED AGAIN!
Speaking of JMU Mike
Everytime i get a time estimate from JMU Mike i feel like i’m going down the rabbit hole….i gotta jump through all these hoops to get to where i’m supposed to be going and then i finally get there and nothing fucking makes sense anyways! Replace invisible fucking cats, and mad hatters with these things….One hour visits…inexpicable exits….and head scratchers such as this scenario
Me:mike can you bring some beer?
Mike: i only have a few
Me: well we bought the case we just need a few more in case we run out…
Mike: I’ll be down in a few
….time passes and mike shows up with a quarter handle of Whiskey and about a liter of old Giant Cola.
Mike i don’t have a problem with this…however you need to alert us to your snap judgements…or ATLEAST yell WILDCARD! Its always sunny in philly style.
As for the other mike?
Pockets multiple times has tried to take credit for things listed on texts from last night…i thought he was so clever for saying that he’s not addicted to anything he’s just “habitually passionate”…..well that’s interesting because here is what texts from last night had to say
TFLM: I wouldn’t necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I’m habitually passionate.
For Shame Pockets! FOR SHAME!
Wanna know how to feel emasculated? Order a “Tic-Tac” at TGI Friday’s while your girlfriend is ordering a beer and then correct that waitress when the drinks are brought out…oh yeah…the beers not mine….the red bull orange vodka shooter? ALL ME! See i like red bull vodkas…so i thought….red bull vodka but with a less harsh taste…for $5?!? Count me in! However…i didn’t know it was going to arrive as a shooter and as my girlfriend sipped her star hilll wheat beer (a classy and knowledgeable choice) I’m stuck dropping a shot into my half filled glass of red bull like some sorority girl.
So i went to oktoberfest…and got to wear a silly bright green hat and freeze to death my last weekend off…this weekend…carving pumpkins and dressing up in medieval gear for the annual renaissance festival!
Bloggin’ the mother bloggin’ blog out of you
So i think i write a semi-humorous blog…however…it goes completely against my joke telling ability…See i can’t re-tell ANY jokes….not even my own…without them getting 200% less funny. If i have not told the thought in my head to you within .5 seconds of it existing it immediately gets exponentially less funny per second. I had a joke about Pockets not getting a blowjob….and it was awesome…in my head it was gonna wreck his world…by the time i tried to recount it BOTH of my roommates just stared at me…shook their heads and told me to “up my game”. That’s disappointing….I’ve had some jokes that had some people rolling…try to retell it…and OTHER PEOPLE in the room are vouching for me….”no really…it was funny…Rudy just can’t fucking tell a joke to save his life”. As far as my joke telling goes…i give you guys all the authority to pull the plug if need be…Witty comebacks…good…if i look like i’m thinking and more than 10 seconds go by…just remind me of this…
another disfunction
So i don’t know but i’m pretty sure my lack of understanding of accents goes directly against the fact that 10% of my employees speak english as a first language. Now…..i can understand them..through sharades and broken spanish i can communicate things i need for them to do work wise….However….you throw me into a normal social situation and i’m going to ask them to repeat themselves about 10 times. See, i don’t have bad hearing…just bad foreign hearing. What sucks about that? the fact that you get two repeats to understand anything. I’m sure you will all agree with me. The first repeat can be due to language. The second? maybe it was volume problems or pronunciation…but the third? The third you are now insulting them. And i OFTEN need a third….you dare not ask a third What? Huh? What did you say? because at that point it is just an embarrassment for everyone. So what i have to do…is in a panic as the nervous sweat starts and the heart starts racing and as i feel my face getting hot…which sucks because my bright red face is a give away to this whole thing…i must fucking try to guess what they are saying…or just give an answer that i might find acceptable. Well….turns out this morning the lady was asking “what kind of rice do you like to eat” but it sounded like “wuhlicate” all in one word….it was so fast…that finally i pointed to the sushi she had already made that just so happened to be what i wanted…
Shit….im not even racist…but after that exchange i might consider it.
So i saw Zombieland at tyson’s yesterday. That shit was great…funny as hell and has made me realize i need a Zombie killing weapon of choice…I’m gonna go with blunt object…i’m going baseball bat. See…you can go projectiles…but you’ll eventually need reloads…and although it is a more satisfying kill….say good bye to your brains during the re-load….Swords…and sharp hand held objects…good luck…they will get stuck in your zombie victim…BASEBALL FUCKING BATS….crack skulls…with no re-load or time trying to dig it out of your enemy…
You’re welcome
….UF
Yeah, in case you didn’t hear the University of Florida came up with a Zombie Survival plan for fun and some people thought it was real and were outraged at their stupidity…which in turn has made some FL officials outraged at THIER stupidity.
So for those of you that don’t live by Tyson’s Corner Mall….there is a kid’s train that travels the upper section (food court, kids play area, movie theatre, TGI Friday’s) and it just takes hap hazard routes all over the fucking place up there! No telling where it is gonna turn next! It doesn’t need rails…that’s going a little far…but what about a traffic lane…or atleast a suggested path for its movement. Cuz i find myself doing the Squirrel maneuver whenever its coming through hopping from one side to the next and narrowly escaping a scuffed shoe incident….
This gave me the idea however….If i ever commited suicide it would be with the Tyson’s train. Fuck that person that jumped from the 3rd story of Tysons II (galleria). I will throw a note out and lay down in front of the train before it has time to thing….BAM funniest and most traumatizing death ever….I die thinking its funny…and multiple families have to explain what happened to their kids…
Funnier situation….get a friend to wear a fake mustache…and as he is twisting the corner like fucking Wario…you’re wiggling around on the floor tied up in rope with a gag in your mouth as the train and the horrified screaming children are approaching.
YUP
Speaking of trains…when in the production of Thomas the Tank Engine the TV Show did they decide they needed street cred? Yeah…we are going for an audience of 5 and under…but we need to be more edgy…who can we get to play the conductor….well…George Carlin applied….”what? the guy that cusses and says shit about god not existing?” ….yeah him! ”well fuck…sign his ass up!”
…and why is the conductor role so coveted….see my brother used to watch this show….and George Carlin was this midget conductor that was the conductor of Shining Time Station…and played its Juke Box….but in the movie addition…Alec fucking Baldwin….
You are both way too good for that role..
I love Monday mornings because i live in DC….and the Redskins Suck…Girls…feeel free to stop reading here because the rest of the post is gonna be about sports….Girls that like sports…keep reading and submit a comment i’ll be sure not to read.
See the Redskins suck…and unline many other sports towns…Redskins fans are fucking Bi-polar. At the start of EVERY season since i’ve lived in VA i hear….Redskins are going to the playoffs….at the very least…many others claim Super Bowl. but….two weeks into the season…guess what…..OHHHH FUCK!…FIRE EVERYONE! HERE WE COME FIRST DRAFT PICK….then two wins later…WE ARE SO TALENTED….JESUS! I can’t take all that shit…
But i have the unique chance to be great friends with the world’s most pessimistic Redskins fan…See JMU Mike lives and dies with the Redskins…and lately he’s been dying alot. Beacuse as soon as the Skins have their first 3 and out…that’s when the Cambell jersey is thrown on the ground and Mike is advising Dan Snyder to turn Fed Ex Field into a parking lot. Its fucking great….to see the pain and anguish on mike’s face….I’ve fired people….i’ve fired people and seen them lead out in hand cuffs and seen LESS anguish on their faces then when i see JMU Mike falling to his knees cursing his beloved organization. I feel like everytime Mike falls into the trap of watching a Skins game its like an alcoholic falling off the wagon….
Anyways…monday mornings are the best because that’s when i listen to the Junkies on the way home…and the whole day they talk like the apocalypse is coming…except for one guy that always claims the Skins are a playoff caliber talent….poor guy….just like the AA guy about to pick up his first year sobriety chip on his way to the bar…
Lets get with the picture….be a CAPS FAN!!!!
OVIE! best hockey player on the planet…the stanley cup is within reach….so what you don’t give a shit about hockey…give a shit about the great fans…and the awesome trophy…
oh yeah…baseball playoffs are starting soon YEAAAAAAHHHHH…only reason i’m excited is that baseball will finally be over soon.
that’s all the wisdom i can throw at you this week…well atleast until Ant takes his all white football team to the projects to learn valuable life lessons…
