Hold on to your butts…the world is ending….in 2012
Seriously…that shit’s happening
I’m sure a lot of you already knew about the fact that the Mayan calendar ended at 2012…but also the oldest Chinese calendar just so happens to end the same year. And the thing that sucks about that is that both calendars are super accurate with astrological happenings….and predictions for the future….Now don’t get my wrong…i don’t think psychics are real…but these predictions aren’t like “you’ll encounter a sad blonde girl in your future”. The Chinese calendar used patterns to predict the fall of the roman empire and both world wars….the thing that makes that impressive is that i wasn’t like it predicted 1000 things….it showed a peak or valley on the earth that directly correlated to a major event…..every time.
The Mayans? They have accurately predicted every eclipse since they made the calendar….apparently there is something to human sacrifices….. Well anyways…the Mayan calendar has a better reason for 2012 being the last year we all live. Now i know that some people will remember the part of it where they say machines and animals will rise up against us….but if there is enough chaos couldn’t the machines all be broken and the animals be going nuts (just like before earthquakes and stuff). The real event that they say will end the world is the shifting of our poles….see in 2012 we dip below our solar systems equator basically…and once the happens due to magnetism associated with this it will cause our poles to shift…as in every fucking thing flips…the scientists that they interviewed agreed that this has happened before on earth (last time Alaska was at one of the poles) and they don’t know whether its gonna happen in hours or over the course of a decade….but either way it involves alot of storms…tsunamis…all that good shit.
Anyways…end of story…i’m making sure i have zero leave time left in the bank during 2012…cuz how bad would that suck if the world ended and you had 200 hrs of vacation just sitting there…everyone would be looking for their loved ones…i’d be attempting an all out sprint from DC to Las Vegas with cash flying out of my pockets….”Vegas Baby…YEEEEAAAAAHHHH….you’re not taking this one from me!”
Yep that’s right everyone…now is the time that you get to decide if i’ve really lost my mind…if i’m the internet’s version of the homeless guy holding up his piece of cardboard professing the end of everything we know….just with less religion thrown in.
Did you know that John P Crapper was the first person to successfully invent a flusing toilet? So when you go to the John or the Crapper….same dude….Do you think that is a source of pride or annoyance for his descendants….I think when referring to the toilet they probably don’t mind…but good ‘ol John P Crapper probably didn’t count on the word crap coming into its own….You’re full of Crap…. piece of crap…. not something to be as proud of.
Did you ever wonder how many people died just to test out which plants would make good spices…and which ones would make good poisons….that’s a hell of a trial and error.
Did you hear about the gay couple that was apprehended in Mormonville for kissing in public. More suprising then the fact that they were detained is the fact that in public releases (from what i’ve read so far atleast) no one has shied away from what they did…. “well we told them to stop their lewd and inappropriate conduct” Wow…how does that shit still exist.
Snitching is WAAAY more fun than advertised….rappers want to make you think its this awful experience…well let me tell you…i ratted on the same person three times in the matter of 5 minutes and it was fantastically entertaining. This dude had started fighting outside of Marks’s Pub (naturally)…by the time we got there he was struggling to get free as the owner sat on him and was just ripping shots into his ribs…eventually the dude gets up and starts trying to talk to me, ant, and his friend joe…a cop car pulls around and the dude darts off….I start laughing…we are walking back to the apartment…and i walk across the street in front of the cop car…apparently anything you do around a cop car warrants and arrest to ant as he yells “YO! what the fuck are you doin’ man?” I responded that a cop isn’t going to arrest me for walking…especially when he’s going after someone else….the cop askes me if i saw where the dude went…so i say…in my whitest of voices “SURE! He’s right up that hill officer!” Then we get to fairfax towers….and its funny to see law enforcement thwarted by a gate….its a hard system to work…push the button on the gate and tell the front gate you’re the fucking cops…pretty sure they’re gonna open for you. This procedure baffled our officer though…so i ran up to the gate and opened it for him….he then asked me for the location of the fighting dude again….i gladly pointed him in the direction and watched as the small statured cop went after him…meanwhile ant doesn’t exactly know what to do in this situation and has been running around to nowhere in particular for a while now….he was like a fucking dog that’s scared of thunderstorms.
To end this blog i will leave you with a quote from the great movie “It’s a wonderful life”
…”everytime a girl swallows an angel gets its wings”
classic movie….
Sarcasmo said,
July 13, 2009 at 7:28 pm
Do the Mayans know when Tu Pac is coming back? I miss him.
cock217 said,
July 14, 2009 at 8:13 am
I wish I could listen to the thoughts in your head when you’re thinking of things to write for your blog because the randomness that comes out makes me smile every time
Aarghh said,
July 14, 2009 at 4:31 pm
I Googled John P Crapper and it maked me laugh that your blog comes up as accurate source material. In truth Thomas Crapper didn’t invent the toilet he was just a real good plumber that made flushing improvements to the toilet.
I wished I had gone back out that nite to see you Snitching cause I just imagine you talking to the police and being like “Sorry Officer I didn’t know I couldn’t do that” or “Murder, Murder Who”