Rudy’s Nocturnal Admissions

…end of story…actually not end of story…here’s a list of why twitter sucks.

1) Ashton Kutcher and Larry King are having (or did have?) a popularity contest on it

2) Twitter is like the internet equivalent of post cards….and post cards are the lamest thing on the planet.  The only people you are allowed to send post cards to are a girlfriend/boyfriend or your parents….anyone else you send one to comes off looking smug…”Oh hey everyone just wanted to rub it in your fucking face that i’m doing way better stuff then you are right now”

3) It is a regression in internet technology.  First came the IM…messages could be sent back and forth at lightning speed and you could have actual coversations.  Then came facebook..a network of friends that allowed you to keep in contact with and stalk from a sizable distance with no one being the wiser…Then came Facebook status updates..which we all use, but lets be honest, they are a little vain….they are crack for attention whores.    Now twitter comes out…just a status update?  And confusing ways to try and search for people…..and people don’t go by there real names (one of the annoying parts about myspace)…How can this company/site be so popular…they just took out a part of facebook and stamped it as theirs.

4) Every minor TV personality now has to finish their interviews/comments with “you can follow my tweets…here’s my fucking twitter address” ….No one cares

5) The term “Tweet” is becoming everyday lingo…the more internet language that works itself into common communication the more i die inside.

In short…i hate twitter

More on status updates:  You can tell the importance of a world event based on how many dormant status updaters include it in a status update.  For example…people had status updates about MJ’s death that hadn’t used a status update in years…that’s some serious shit…Its probably how i’ll first get word of WWIII breaking out.

While we are doing the lists….

Things i learned last night.

1) Late night McDonalds includes the B team at their drive-thru.  In the last 4 times i’ve been there past midnight I have had my order screwed up 3 times.  And last night I ordered 4 things and recieved one.

2) Don’t leave a bar and come back to it later…you’ve only gotten more drunk and will then slam more drinks you don’t need.

3) Bonerjams is a mad man.  He broke the red-headed slut free streak that i was on

4) Karate CAN be fun….just ask the puke covered van that me and Bonerjams decided to snipe.

5) I am planning on a world take over.  Starting with all of Ants friends….a few more hangouts with Bonerjams sans Ant and i’ll be bringing him to the dark side.

6) Mark’s Pub much like an elephant never forgets…i haven’t been back in months and the first thing the bartender asks me is “when are you coming back for karaoke”…jesus…i thought i had given it enough time to shake that disgraceful night…guess not.

I hate autocorrect when texting.  autocorrect doesn’t want me to cuss and doesn’t improve my drunk text messaging ability so as far as i’m concerned its worthless.  Everytime i try to type fucking it suggests “tucking”…and shit is “shot”.  Also, it capitalizes “jesus” whenever you use it…what if you are using it in a way jesus wouldn’t be proud of and you’re just trying to sneak one under the radar?  Too bad….gotta be capitalized…sorry Jesus.

I want to start ending alot more conversations on the phone with me muttering obscenities and just overall hateful things about the person who i just had the conversation with and then hang up cutting myself off.  This will hopefully give the illusion that i thought they couldn’t hear me because they already hung up.  Hopefully this will also cause them to take a few seconds to contemplate how serious i was about it….if what i said was true…and then gauge how angry they are going to be next time they see me…Fun for the whole family!  

Example:  Well good talking to you again! (start muttering….”never thought i’d get that bitch off the ph..*click*)

Technically Japan doesn’t have a military…but i think they’ve found a way around it….Cartoons….for fucks sake…they own our youth.  Yu Gi Oh, Pokemon, Bakugan.  The funny thing is…ITS ALL THE SAME FUCKING SHOW!  Kids running around with little monsters that fight each other…gotta get all of them to be the best monster master ever…and so the toy company can make more yen.  I think the creators of those shows just get lit and doodle down pictures of retarded monsters…and then BLAM they make it into either the next episode or start another series…and that’s why these things keep going…because drunk thoughts will never die.

Why don’t families that have an achievement bar closer to that of limbo sport bumber stickers that say “my son is a c student at xyz elementary and that’s fine with me”

Cars have heated seats…why not cooled drink holders?  It sucks if you accidently leave a drink in your car and when you get back its like you’re drinking hot piss.  Or a long road trip involves sodas that by the end are more water than soda.  Lets get on the ball…GM if you did this you wouldn’t be bankrupt.  

When these companies declare bankruptcy do you think the Whammys come out just like in Press Your Luck?  No whammys no whammys…STOP….oh its a fucking Whammy and now its going to do a condescending dance across the screen to make me feel even worse about my situation.  No other american game show has made people feel so bad about losing.  I mean they literally stopped the fucking show…the crowd would start clapping and dancing around…all to just add further humiliation to the contestant.  Fucking brilliant.

That’s all i’ve got kids…enjoy