Billy…oh Billy…not you too!!!
Not even “mighty mend it” could put my heart back together again. That’s because billy mays had a ‘mighty shine’ that you couldn’t deny…you might even say he gave off an ‘orange glow’. From the second i heard he died there was a pit in my stomach as though i had activated the kneading action of ‘mighty putty’ and now it sat in my belly. That’s right everyone…god turned off billy mays’ “handy switch”. I don’t know what it is about being 50 but no matter how much of a ‘big’ shot you think you are…apparently that shit doesn’t always ’slide’
Enough of bad billy mays product usage puns….seriously…you cant deny that this guy was relevant in our society currently…some may say that’s sad…sighting the fact “rudy billy mays is a D-bag”. Correct…but he earned the right to be a D-Bag…he started pitching products straight out of high school. It started with washing machines in atlantic city…progressed to the HSN (home shopping network where he first debuted products for the orange glow brand…same people that brought you oxi clean). After beccoming successful he started negotiating contracts where he got percentages of the product’s sales….that’s right folks he had made the big time…
End of story…billy mays was a legit american dream story.
This week just created a second less significant trinity…Farrah Fawcett…Michael Jackson…and Billy Mays…..but really it all just breaks down to….A hot chick…a D-bag…and a petaphile
In related news…”Just for men” stands to lose a ludicrous amount of money since billy mays was the single greatest spokesman for their product…and what was better is that they didn’t have to pay them.
Porn stars can quit trying to grow billy mays beards and can just go back to ol reliable…the porn ’stache
Blue shirts are likely to be up %1000 this week
Conspiracy theories…
Billy Mays and MJ are in Cahoots (have no idea how that word originated) and Billy Mays will be announcing Jackson at his first London concert.
PETA got to Billy Mays after his ‘cricket cannon’ incident from “Pitchmen”
Vince Shamoli murdered Mays! His product worked so well that the Shamwow! wiped up all evidence and left a perfectly clean crime scene
Speaking of crime scene…i left my car at a garage to get an emissions inspection, oil change, and get some more windshield wipers (not gator blades though)…problem? I left CDs and my GPS laying on my seat….and seeing as though i’ve had my radio stolen out of my car from a garage before….probably not the smartest of ideas.
Two more fish died in my aquarium…the fish tank re-birth of glory is over…but atleast i don’t have to feed them for a few days now.
Fuck i can’t think of anything else…fuck usa soccer for getting my hopes up…Peace
Davis said,
June 29, 2009 at 11:03 am
Great post — by the way, did you know Billy was the son of Hall of Famer William Mays?
Bret said,
June 29, 2009 at 11:29 am
Dont forget Ed Mcmahon. He died at the begining of the week.
nocturnalrudy said,
June 29, 2009 at 11:33 am
I actually will forget ed since he hasn’t done anything relevant in the last two decades.
Megabear said,
June 29, 2009 at 11:45 am
Except for when he died at the beginning of the week. That was relevant…until Farrah died anyway.
Ahmnodt Heare said,
June 29, 2009 at 12:00 pm
With Billy Mays dead and Vince in legal trouble for punching a prostitute, who will sell us stuff now?
the cherokee kidd said,
June 29, 2009 at 1:44 pm
my vote is for Tequilla Rudy to get into the product pitching business. He’s always been good at selling me the idea of going to Taco Bell at 2am.
cock217 said,
June 29, 2009 at 1:56 pm
I second the cherokee kidd’s idea. By the way, I have never seen you happier than the night when you discovered Taco Bell’s newest addition to their menu….the Bacon Cheddar Gordita Crunch. Your face lit up like Pockets does when he finds out that school is cancelled because of snow.
fionaasshole said,
June 29, 2009 at 4:39 pm
Bad news: You are not allowed to accuse someone of being a pedophile unless you spell it correctly. Pedophiles deserve respect too.
Good news: “Petaphile” is a fun new name for people who like to have sex with their pets, and/or people who like to have sex with members of PETA.
Side news: I am currently watching an episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians where Khloe is torn between her body image issues and her desire to pose naked for PETA’s “I’d rather go naked than wear fur” campaign.
Terence said,
June 30, 2009 at 4:22 pm
Great post. Perhaps he didn’t have the same star status as Farrah or Michael, but there is no denying is status as a pop culture icon.
Magnus Sledgehammer said,
July 6, 2009 at 10:14 pm
I just spent five of my precious minutes looking up the history of “cahoots”… Cahute is the French word for cabin, and the phrase may have come from the American frontier where apparently Frenchmen and Indians were in a cabin plotting together… save that useless trivia fact for jeopardy. My theory is that Michael Jackson isn’t dead and that at his memorial service he will jump out of his casket in his thriller outfit to announce his American comeback tour. Fans will be pissed until Billy Mays sells them on the idea of going to the concerts, and BAM… MJ is back to living in the Neverland Ranch.