N. Korea and Iran are like the Nationals and the Bengals
Seriously…what are you thinking North Korea and Iran? Didn’t you see what happened when we thought….THOUGHT Iraq had Nukes….we had shaky intelligence and used that to justify blowing the shit out of that country….and guess where Saddam is? You give up? Dead. That’s right…and we didn’t even feel bad because we let the ‘people’s court do it’….actually what would have been better is if Ed Koch or judge Wopner sat in complete with the People’s Court music in the backround and the typewriter sound effects while Sadaam’s name scrolled across the screen. They are used to only dealing out $500 dollar fines based on trailer home damage and now they get handed the big leagues…death sentence….Woah! talk about some fireworks.
Anyways…these countries are competing over who gets to be wiped off the planet first…and guess what fellas…you couldn’t even let us try to dig up the info with the CIA again. Atleast that way other countries wouldn’t believe us and you’d just fight us one on one…instead you are doing us a favor…you are going to let us lead a war with international backing to get us back into the good graces of the world…
Because really….we have no chance…if war was declared on N.Korea…then we can’t just back out now….”sorry guys we’re a little tied up in our shit show duo we have going on over here. Have fun” The world would just say…fuck the US….they fight their own wars with shaky proof…now we have a guy detonating nukes underground and they do nothing…
Oh, one thing Iran has learned from N.Korea though….don’t give up on you Nuke Dreams (oh i just picture that crazy ass president playing in a re-make of Hoop Dreams….titled Nuke Dreams….instead of two kids fighting to make it to basketball stardom…its two crazy leaders ready to risk their entire country just to have the ultimate weapon to compensate for their small borders)…
Anyways…what he should learn…scare diplomacy works….N.Korea has been allowed to do whatever the fuck it wants…every so often it just creeps up talks about a nuke program and then when it starts getting out of hand they agree to talks. It would be like a retarded kid with a gun….he’s waving it around all the time…and for a while no one notices….next thing you know that fucker found out how to turn the safety off and everyone runs to him seeing what they can do to make him happy and ensure his retard strength doesn’t slip over that trigger and end your shit.
Well newsflash….he’s a fucking retard…mix some rat poison pellets in with his baggy of apple jacks and since all he does is grab fists full anyways….fucker’ll be intaking a lethal dose before you know it…
I guess currently…its like we subdue the retard by making him watch inspector gadget….and our whole plan is…when it says…”we’ll be back before you can spell inspector gadget” we just hope it keeps him occupied long enough (unfourtunately when i was little i was the retard…and would get pissed everytime if i could manage to spell it and my beloved cartoon wasn’t back on the air)…shit this reference is going no where….i just was thinking about that cartoon….fuckin Penny man…i bet she’d be hot by now if she was real….she’d be a couple years older than me now and pulling off some hot librarian thing….Brain would have died years ago…that thing was dumb as shit anyways….actually that is how inspector gadget went off the air….Dr. Claw’s cat ran across the street Brain chased it and got nailed by the Gadget mobile….Go Go Gadget Shovel….box….and funeral.
So anyways….North Korea and Iran are like the Washington Nationals and the Bengals…Wouldn’t we all just be better off if they were contracted?
Hey! What is the least likely thing you think i’d have in my possession right now?
A soul?….no
keep guessing…
if you guessed season tickets to the WNBA’s Washington Mystics…you’d be correct!!!
Now see…i’m sure there about 5 people that would be fucking thrilled to have these things….but i didn’t win these on a random raffle give away on the Ellen show….I forgot to donate these tickets….i bought two tickets to a caps playoff game…and guess what they came with…that’s right…season tickets to the Mystics..
WNBA…that really doesn’t say much for your league..
So bottom line…if anyone wants to get shit-housed and watch some sound fundamentals and maybe even LEFT-HANDED LAY-UPS!!! let me know….most exciting bounce passes in professional sports today…
Two things i would like to go…get shit faced and just start screaming caps chants
Lure some actual fans in by researching the team and purchasing a jersey (does the league have enough to support that?) and by the 4th quarter i have revealed my true self.
Honestly, i have ABSOLUTELY nothing against women’s sports. I just don’t like when they try to market it as an exciting sport to watch…or something comparable to mens professional sports…Especially basketball….a woman or two dunks and they get on sports center….guys dunk in every NBA game…if they highlighted male dunks like female dunks…an episode of sports center would be about 5 hours long….WNBA get over yourself….well i guess you have if you are offering buy one ticket get a season’s worth free…
I saw a guy on a crotch rocket that just looked like a DB and i decided i want to get rich enough to buy a town in Jersey and re-name it Douchebaggington see…it works since most D-bags live in NJ anyways….i’ll get them a NBA team and have baron davis, jason kidd, kenyon martin, ron artest, jj reddick playing from them with mark cuban as a player/coach/owner….Jackie Moon style!! Everyone must have their hair gelled at all times…and drive either….BMWs that were given to them when they were 16…Tricked out CRXs….Crotch rockets with matching motorcycle gear…they guys there can only date girls from Assholevania where they can only drive SUVs …wear 10lbs of make-up ..only listen to American Idol CDs…and use internet lingo (such as LOL, BRB, and OMG) in everyday speak.
So i’m glad we are all pro-socialism now….just because Obama has a good personality and has Some good ideas…doesn’t mean we should just let him run away with it here….You do realize we are open to Socialism now right?
See as companies continue to borrow money our government has gotten the idea that since they owe them so much money they should have a say who owns them….So yeah, AIG sucks….big time….but now they have a gov’t appointed CEO….So now we have a major financial institution run by the government….and we are obsessed with bailing out Detroit and they’ve fucked themselves worse than AIG did….so what’s to stop them from appointing more CEOs for those companies? You realize we already had to block laws that gave unfair advantages for our own companies….which always sounds good accept that it works directly against capitalism…and thwarts innovation and competition….things that made this country….You think computers would have advanced as quick in this country if there was just one company that the government ran…and offerred discounts to you for buying from them? Well that’s going to be the problem now…obviously i’m playing out a whole scenario here…but what’s to say if the government ran GM they wouldn’t then package some legislation together that gave major financial breaks to people that buy GM…it would be disguised under “supporting america” and the “blue-collared working man” but what it would actually do is sound death to Capitalism….just think about that before you heap praise on Obama…and act like he can do no wrong…
You know how you could improve our economy? Offer bonuses for innovation…force companies to hire these people with tons of experience that have been laid-off because they were too expensive…partner them with your young professionals….Give a huge goal…like a technology just on the horizon…or just a liiitle too far away from being in everyday life….saaaay…hydrogen fuel cells…the first company that can sucessfully make a decently cost hydrogen fuel cell car…BAM! there’s your HUGE bonus….just a big ass lump of money….all comanies that show considerable progress can also get a chunk so you don’t just create a monopoly and you also try to atleast keep them at the same level they were at before this…
Then combine this with gas companies and all sorts of other companies…who can figure out the best idea to change infrastructure to support this renewable resource…gas stations that show the best plans to atleast off one hydrogen pump at high traffic gas stations. Government could basically play fucking pitchmen….get billy mays in here and whatever start-up company has the best plan to be a hydrogen energy refueling company…the government funds it….
I know its all high-cost and way too outside the box for us to ever try…but we are already pissing away 100s of billions why not get somewhere?
Oh well…in the meantime lets keep buying 100 billion dollar band-aids on severed arteries and hope it stops the bleeding.
Now i don’t want you to think i’m all super-anti Obama (that’s a technical term…sorry)…I think his personality and foreign policy are great…but he’s looking at completely changing what our company was built on…
Don’t fool yourself…we were founded on greed….and greed is what keeps us going…it doesn’t mean YOU have to be that way…but those ultra-successful HUGE money grubbers..cutthroats…those are the ones that got us to the top…Wanna value size that? Drive a military vehicle (Hummer)? That’s right…this is America…(fuck yeah!)
…and i’m arrogant of our arrogance…yeah its closed-minded..but i don’t know if there is another country so sure of itself in the world…and that kind of kicks ass
Wow….that got serious huh…
Think about this… Pocket Rockets = both terminology for being dealt two aces in texas hold ‘em AND Pockets having an erection.
whew…there we go…
Economy Simulator: Just wanted you to experience a layoff…
Oh boy (cracks knuckles) can’t remember how to work this dream machine…
First up on my list…of what i feel is about a month’s worth of information building up in my head…
FUCK KOBE
Seriously…i have nothing against convicted rapists (honestly i can’t even make that joke…girls would you honestly scream rape if kobe forced himself on you…you’d probably scream…all right lets get this going)….
But the reason i hate him is that he didn’t win the MVP….see me and a certain Kates from 217 had an MVP bet…and unfortunately i won…Fuck. See, normally it is a good thing to win a bet…but i had never won a bet before that involved a free tab….and i also had never experienced a Mark’s Pub karaoke night.
How you know how crazy the night got…
1) mark’s pub is a fucking hole in the wall bar…
2) I pre-gamed for an open tab….hey kids….lesson number one in adult life….lets not pre-game when drinks are going to be free all night…because you aren’t making the tab cheaper for the one that lost the bet…you’re just getting drunker than you thought was possible…
3) The Caps lost….now look this is ancient history now…but i fucking HATE the Pittsburgh Penguins….with a passion…and watching my caps lose a close game was awful….honestly i wish we could have just been swept in the first round Vs. losing yet another close series with those bastards (in accordance to me and JMU Mike’s plans we must now raid a zoo…capture its penguins and slaughter them every hour on the hour as long as the pens are in the playoffs until they agree to keep Malkin and Crosby in the minors)
Ok so that’s what set it up….combine that with my verbal vomit at bars for drink orders (i get flustered and just blurt out random mixed drink A + red headed slut(s) )
So by the time we got up for our first song (allstar-smashmouth…yeah that smashmouth…complete with a strange impromptu freestyle by me during the instrumental break where JMU Mike kept yelling into his mic….Rudy can rap…rudy can rap) I started finding just what you can’t do at mark’s pub…
I’ll just let you know this now….a little foreshadowing…
1) You are NOT allowed to twirl the mic
2) You are definitely not allowed to KEEP ON TWIRLING the mic
3) Don’t cuss into the mic
4) REMEMBER THE CHORUS
5) the point of a mic is to amplify your voice…so screaming “carry on my wayward son” with pockets is just going to be miserable for everyone….
6) Mark’s pub doesn’t take kindly to broken glasses (smoothly sliding a drink over to a friend is great….but make sure that friend is aware that you are giving them a drink)
Yeah….it got bad…everytime i finished one drink i ordered another and 2 shots for me and Kates….(i told you i was using it…in fact…guess what you blog name is now….you guessed it…BOOBS MCGEE….or Kates….i guess we’ll go kates)
So anyways about 20 drinks later its time to leave…one problem…i didn’t realize standing was a pre-requisite for going home…oooops….MY BAD (i just picture a drunk me shrugging my shoulders and crawling out of mark’s pub).
Well it would be funny if that was just a picture….but by the time we got across the street from fairfax towers…i was literally crawling because i was not able to stand up without falling….i’m throwing up in the grass…and telling Kates i can’t go on…until some kind random gentleman helped me up and into fairfax towers…
Apparently my last words before puking again and passing out were….”I hate you Mike ____” Now the funniest part of this is that JMU Mike said my eyes weren’t even open….i guess my 6th sense of Sarcasm just picked up on the opportune moment.
So yeah…that’s that…
This lead me to one of the worst hangovers i’ve ever had….you shouldn’t be hungover when you go to work…..oh wait…if its 8am it might be semi-normal…oh that’s right i go to work at 10 fucking P…M…..AT NIGHT….and i could still barely move…
One good thing about hangovers….It really makes you appreciate the small things in life….
Monumental achievements during a hangover…
1) Waking up
2) Puke is surprisingly where it is supposed to be (in proper receptacle)
3) Get out of bed without falling
4) make it to the bathroom without puking and get yourself water
5) …a few hours later…actually drinking water
6) making the first appearance to the living room.
7) eating a normal portion of solid food
walking and being able to have normal conversation
9) doing menial tasks (throwing out bag containing your puke)
10) feeling human
11) can function in sunlight without sunglasses
12) going to work
….those are the real 12 steps right there…
While i’m still on the alcohol subject…Miller Lite….taste protector cap? Did you see bud light’s “drinkability” campaign…and decide you need to be idiots too…
Hmmm….i’m pretty sure any cap on a beer is a taste protector cap….here i’ll explain for you retards that are probably staring at your Coors Light waiting for the mountains to turn blue (hey i have an idea…you know when your beer’s cold? when it feels cold…or its been in your fridge for a while…or get this…buy your beers from the coolers in stores if you really can’t wait to tear into your awful water flavored beer as soon as you get home)
Anyways…taste protector….yeah it protects the taste because the cap keeps it sealed and thus the beer isn’t flat when you go to drink it….also it makes sure foreign objects don’t land in your beer….Miller Lite claims it keeps the metallic taste from occurring….Do you not remember you are just a step above beast and natty…the beers that taste like they are served with a handful of pennies in every cup? Yeah….guess what…the fact that college kids may be drinking beer out of a bottle is a win for them…don’t worry about keeping it from tasting like metal…also remember that 24 of your beers cost about 12 or 13 bucks…
Fucking America man…..our auto industry can’t innovate and is failing….our beer industry is innovating away but only dumb shit no one cares about…hey guess what beer industry…you’re in the alcohol industry…just keep getting people fucked up and you’re good…
Unless you are going to invent a beer that gets you drunk but gives you the driving abilities or a sober person…just hang it up…for FUCK’S SAKE!
Dear Manny,
If you actually had fertility issues…why would you be prescribed female hormone drugs?
Confused,
Rudy
I wonder if WNBA franshises with the best attendance are also in the states that have the highest concentration of lesbians that also have leaglized gay marriage…hold on i’ll save the suspense…the answer is yes…..and as soon as the DC ordinance is passed we’ll have the best combo out there….see nothing is sadder than going to the Verizon center and seeing the majority of banners hanging up due to WNBA attendance championships…fuckin’ DC sports man….one of these days we’ll get a real championship again…
Speaking of DC sports I got change thrown at me by a homeless man….i was going to try to give him money (thinking i had a few bucks left) so i opened up my wallet to give it to him…but when it was empty he thought i was just being a smart ass….ah said Awwwwww…fuck you man…you aint hav ah do dat mahn….nah…..and then hit me with a handful of his change…that is the equivalent to being screwed over by your stock broker….and since he lost you all of that money in that account…you take out your anger by throwing your entire savings account at him…just bad planning…
If i play any more of UFC Undisputed 2009 for the Xbox360….i’m going to start thinking i can actually start kicking anyone’s ass that i see….it is entertaining though because we’ve all made our own characters….they look pretty similar…mine looks spot on…minus the six-pack and all…..but its sad when you A) drive 40 miles to get the game a few hours early… B) have already fought like 40 fights since tuesday…I would say i need a new hobby…but i already have plenty…just can’t help my inner nerd…
I need more Stephan UrKELL and less Steve Urkel in my life
I’m back mother fuckers.
Throwback blogs for your pleasure.
Remember when i used to be blogging on a less classy site…if so you are one of the original fans…if not…here you go…If you find yourself procrastinating at work and thought you’ve read all my blogs…HERE YOU GO…the ORIGIN…but less of a let down than Wolverine: Origins.
http://pizzaking.blogstream.com
…enjoy
Mexico why do you make me party so hard?
Recovery from Cinco De Mayo seemed to be a little rough for everyone. Thankfully even though i stopped the festivites at 5 or 530 in the morning i didn’t have to be awake until 9pm….So that exactly what i did….Slept until 10…met with my finance guy….went back to sleep at about 11…and woke up at 9. Others involved in the party didn’t have that same luxury…this goes out to the near fallen soldiers of 217, 516, and Pockets. Poor people, I forget that although i’ve gone to work off of 4 hrs or less of sleep many times…that isn’t normal for all you people with normal schedules/jobs. Pockets was in bed at 6pm. Katie was texting that she was near death…
But was it worth it? Hell yeah it was worth it!
First of all though….how can we justify celebrating Cinco De Mayo…lets go ahead and celebrate Bastille Day too…or Flag Day…Because i feel like for all but one day of the year no one cares about Mexico…and then May 5th rolls around and everyone uses their independence day as an excuse to get shit faced….
It wasn’t just Cinco de Mayo…it was missing one thing….it was el Cinco de Mayo Shitshow….i think that is how we should refer to it next year…You all comin over for the Shitshow?
There was much tequila and beer drank…as well as tasty fajitas and salsa enjoyed….I think Fajitas are cheap rip offs. Don’t get me wrong, they taste great. The fact of the matter though is that its basically a slightly classier taco. In fact it is exactly like a taco, you just add peppers and onions…THAT’S IT….oh and maybe if you are at a fancy dining establishment like say….Chili’s they make a big deal and serve them to you on a sizzling platter…Its like there are pop rocks or somthing on those griddles though, they are SO loud when they bring them by. Chili’s is that really all you have to make a name for yourself? I say you need to spend more time telling people how awesome your jalepeno ranch dressing is….i dip everything they give me in that shit.
Anyways, nothing makes a better party than having a no holds barred conversation about sex with your neighbors…that’s what is great about having some plutonic girl friends (i have no idea why they call it that…and i’m about 50% sure that i probably spelled it wrong…the only thing i think of when that word is mentioned is a disney dog sitting out alone on our most distant planetoid). We were both able to ask any and all questions without any fear for repercussion. Some highlights…
Guys giving opinion on best techniques used by girls during fellacio
Guys think giving a blow job is disgusting…but guess what girls think going down on a girl is more gross….so it works out for everyone.
Proper semen etiquette for boys and girls!
and the list just continued…
It involved no one getting to bed until about 330 i think…and then I had to function as a one man party…keeping it going strong until about 5:30…when my body turned off.
Speaking of drinking…in another dumbass marketing idea…Miller Light has introduced “Taste Protection Caps” I’m pretty sure that is exactly like a normal bottle cap. It looks no different. They say it keeps the air in the bottle…Oh really Miller Light rocket scientists? How is this any different from any bottle cap i’ve ever seen in my life. Guess what…Natty Ice bottles have taste protection caps too…because without a bottle cap i’m pretty sure you taste would be ruined by beer being flat, or finding foreign objects in it. Also, no one drinks Miller Light for the hops….Lets be honest guys…you’re miller light…not a micro brew. You hop your beer 3 times? Bravo…it still tastes like shit…hop it 10 times if you want…i could care less…because it is still going to come out tasting just as bad. Also, i was thinking…so you add hops 3 times. If it still amounts to the same amount of hops, then just give up and throw it all in at once. But once again, Miller Light….Don’t worry no matter when you add your hops, or how fresh your caps keep your bottles you are in no danger of getting any higher on the beer scale than “classy at a college party”. That’s about as excited as anyone is going to get over your product. When kids are so used to drinking beer that tastes like a fist full of pennies is dropped in it (thank you Beast!) that anything else tastes like paradise…and it also tastes of class…if it costs over $10 for 30 cans then you are splurging. Once you get out of college though, bud light, and miller light are the new natty and beasts…the debates rage on about who is better..but the only reason you buy them is because they are easy to slam, and you have an apt. full of people looking to get tanked.
In closing,
Fuck you miller light.
Gay marriage is making it further….DC (hasn’t passed yet..but its well on its way) and Maine have joined the fray. Glad to see some actual change is coming to the country. Though please don’t attribute this to Obama….he’s just not in the redneck retard realm Bush was in….An actual person with thoughts could see it was coming either way, so basically even if you don’t believe in gay marriage you better at least fake getting behind it or watch your political career go up in flames…haha flames…pun intended!
A middle school teacher got sued for telling a kid that creationism is BS…they said he violated the 1st amendment…while i agree that it is wrong to tell a student his/her beliefs are wrong…how can you tell him that he is guilty by violating the 1st amendment….aren’t you then taking away his first amendment…You basically have told the guy you violated this kid’s first amendment by using yours…I’m confused..
AL i’m getting to the fucking Flordia recap…maybe the memories are just too painful for my body to relive right now. If i remind my liver of that week…it may go on strike…and Jauntus is never a good look for anyone.
Cinco De Mayo and Why Russia is like a drunk uncle.
So i just finished watching notorious…..i figure…after getting shot i need to figure out the proper way to act as a gangster….oh wait…gangsta…i’ve got to remember…now that i’m hard i no longer longa can use ‘er’.
Anyways, the movie made me realize how strange it is to listen to dead people’s music…because when i’m listening to it…i’m not thinking…’that guy is dead’ i’m just picturing what they look like now. I am a big Jimi Hendrix fan and as you should know he died a long time ago. But for some reason although i had gotten over the fact i’m not going to hear anything new from him…i didn’t have the real connection he was dead unitl now. I don’t think i’m explaining this right but whatever. Basically, it just made me realize that their albums are just snapshots from their life, what they were thinking at that exact time in their lives, and also a reflection of what was going on in the country at the time. That shit makes music pretty powerful. Its like listening to music in a time machine.
Speaking of music time machines….if i had my way i would travel back a few decades before i was born and leake the backstreet boys and the rest of the boy bands along with the macarana in hopes that by the time i grew up they would be too tired to still play the song…and i could therefore strike such painful memories from my childhood…or atleast make the world better for a few more people.On the other end of the spectrum…i’d almost rather have the bands that were good when they abused drugs go until they crash into their rock bottoms and can’t physically perform any more…or die…than see them come back ‘clean’ and try to take a run at it again…Most of the time it has been too long…and the edge and crazy lyrics they had before are all out the window….its just sad….No one is looking forward to you sitting on a stool legs crossed sipping on water explaining your inspiration for your hit single from 10 years ago on VH1 storytellers….Alos, brett michaels….give it up…we all know you are hiding your baldness behind that bandana….also no one gives a crap about your solo career, the only solo people care about…and even that is sad…is that you are solely a reality TV star now.
I think it would be funny to tell a girl you want to make love to them…you light the candles…put on soft music…they think they are about to get it one way…but before they know it they have a one way ticket to railsville….its an express train by the way…..shit a bullet train even…no stops…
I think Obama should appoint a Hispanic judge to the supreme court….my thought process is….since the appointment is for life and since hispanics are trending to eventually become the majority or atleast the dominant minority….they should have some kind of representation in the supreme court….Its similar to no taxation without representation..
Swine Flu is getting out of control…not the virus…the response…
Airlines stopping service to Mexico (ok makes some sense). High School sports being cancelled in some areas. Prison visits stopped. Oh…and not to mention the most populous city in the world has shut itself down… I know these are supposed to be ‘precautionary’ but DAMN! My only preparation is going to be to stock up on canned foot and shotgun shells…because when the people that die of Swine Flu rise up in the first ever Zombie Army…i’m ready for the Zombie War….Mega Bear…looks like reading the books “world war Z” and ”Zombie Survival Guide” are going to pay off…ALL THE WAY TO THE BANK….(not appropriate usage…but i just like it)
If Katie’s (our roommate from across the hall cuz lets face it at this point we spend too much time together to just be neighbors) future children’s restrictions/punishments are anything like Katie’s restriction on her consumption of liquor…we are going to have a bunch on little terrors on our hands. Multiple times a week i hear…”I’m on restriction from liquor until day X” But for whatever reason…when i make appearances rules fly out the window….I just say…”Come on Katie…It’s Monday” and she says…well if you say its ok….
Don’t worry Katie…i realize i’m not one to talk…however i don’t claim putting myself on restriction…
Whites could take Cinco De Mayo away pretty easily with a small change of pronunciation….Cinco De Mi-oh….nope….Cinco De May-oh our annual day to appreciate our favorite condiment.
Take that Canada! the EU banned Canada’s annual seal hunt….they like to act all smug because they have significantly less crime, and national health care…well while we talk about a possible Swine Flu epidemic there has been an epidemic running rampid within our northern neighbors borders….that is lameness….There is so little to do in Canada that one of the only things they had left was clubbing seals with huge wooden polls….Well don’t worry you maple leaf loving bastards…i’m sure the US will not only not follow suit with the EU…we’ll probably double the event’s funding….gotta keep you retards happy. I feel like Canada is like a spoiled child that you are too busy to reform so you just figure it takes less time to tell them they are important and doing a good job than fixing them. Mexico on the other hand is your underachieving child…but the good news is you never expected much of them anyways…you basically make preparations to prevent them from screwing you over too bad…and if they ever manage to make something of themselves then its really just an added bonus.
Meanwhile China is like the one kid in middle school that had the full mustache and bullied kids….you know something iffy is going on there…but fact is…he’s just too big to do anything about….its just alot easier to avoid him and only say shit about him when you are Completely Sure he’s all the way out of ear shot.
N. Korea is like the wimpy kid with a big mouth that tattles….they make fun of you all day , talk all sorts of shit…they are way too quick to tell their dad (play the nuke card) though…..so although at the start you paid alot of time and energy to wanting to kick their ass…now you just kind of walk past them and pat em on the head while they scream insults at you
Russia is definitely the drunk uncle…..unpredictable…he’s your friend because you’re family and he has to be…but get some booze in him and he’s likely to tell you how he really feels and probably make some bad decisions……”so you think you’re tuff Georgia…Check this out”…example from Putin….”Fuck you then parliment…if you don’t agree with me then you’re disbanded!” ”Now if you’d EXCUSE ME i have some shirtless hunting to do…oh and that shit’s gonna be cool so bring a photographer with”
Sunday Blog?
So I don’t know why more people in the music industry aren’t dead. Us normal people while at work are worried about acting professional AND doing good work. In the music industry…you get your first hit song…chances are your boss is offering you blow if you can do the same thing over again. You basically have a free pass all year long until you have to go into the studio and make an album again. That is the equivalent to in college none of you classes having an attendance policy and only a final. Do what you want all year long…don’t study…get drunk all you want…but you just better hope you put in the necessary time…otherwise after exam time you may be looking for a new home.
But seriously from their point of view…if you are a crazy band and that is what you are known for you are going to be pressured to be a band that parties…Hard…Core..How every rock band doesn’t have a drug and alcohol problem is some sort of miracle…
You know what is dumb though…rappers that get arrested after making millions….T.I for example…i think he was so caught up in still being ’street’ or in touch with his roots that he forgot there was no way for that to happen any more once he made his first million. Why not just take the comfort in the fact that you can never leave your upbringing….make 10 million dollars or 10 cents you are still going to be guided by how you grew up. I don’t think there is any excuse for rappers making millions and still dealing drugs…find a safer hobby. Seriously you think all the drug dealers that were running shit when you were little wouldn’t trade that in for making a shit load of money for doing something they love….Basically, rappers that get busted…you are dumber than the dumbest.
Oh my GOD! I swear i’m not posting any more weekend blogs after this post. People get all excited when i say it (all 3 of you) but then i actually post them and no one reads em.
Blogs don’t grow on fucking trees! Read the damn blog! Spread it across your family lines…get your little cousins to hand out copies at elementary school…whatever…i don’t care…just get me to 100 views a day.
Anyways, enough about that…did you hear Egypt’s defense against Swine Flu? Yep, they ordered the killing of every pig in Egypt….WOW!!!! That must be the most retarded thing i’ve ever heard…especially since they have proven that pigs can’t spread the virus (it was a mutation that started it). So 300,000 pigs to be killed…oh and small detail…the vast majority of the pigs happen to be held by a poor non-muslim minority. So, seeing as though most of the country is muslim it was a perfect opportunity to punish the infidels and kill all of their animals as well as way of life. Oh yeah, and the simple fact that muslims don’t eat pork. Also laughable until yesterday the egyptian government wasn’t planning on paying these farmers anything for the pigs….
I don’t think PETA is going to be best friends with Egypt any time soon…hey Egypt while you are already in bad standings with them…can you start producing alot more Veal…and make sure they are they good ‘ol sobbing Veal…makes the meat that much more tender….
I walked into my apt building today to find a guy passed out in the hallway….i tried to wake him up but he didn’t budge….i felt bad because when i got back two cops had joined him and even after i couched for the fact that he lived here they were writing a ticket and looked like a ticket was ready to get written up…..Sorry dude.
Short sunday blog…deal with it.
News Flash! I Don’t Care About Swine Flu…Plus Day 3…
Seeing Ant go out somewhere while he has his glasses on is about as depressing as watching a caged big game animal or apex predator pace circles around their small ass cages in the zoo. You know the potential they could unleash…the damage they are capable of….but instead the poor Orca’s fin folds over…and you don’t even get to hear the michael jackson free willy song to make it all better…
So before i go into the rest….Is the country in such great shape that we are we so bored at Capital Hill we need to take time out to discuss the BCS? Look I hate the format of the college football championship…but i’m not going to run to my local sheriff and complain to him…i’d probably get an angry look and told to go home….so how is it then seen as plausible to people to then take it all the way up to the very top of the government to deal with it. I get that some smaller colleges get screwed out of all the money that the bowl generate…but guess what….those colleges that make the bowls are the same ones that have been generating money all year for TV stations..So unless Boise State is going to all the sudden pull huge national audiences to watch them play their weak in conference foes you can’t really bitch too much….The representative from TX said that the BCS was like communism….well the fact that you are speaking on it is like….insanity….or proving to old communists that maybe they had the right idea. Nothing makes a floundering economy and confused government look worse than making a big spotlight on an issue that holds absolutely no sway in its future. Great fucking job…i want to go take a tour of the capital and just start kicking people in the balls at random.
The swine flu is ridiculous….Thousands of people die in the US annual from…”Regular Fucking Flu” (i think that’s the technical name) yet we are freaking out because one 2 year old kid has died from Swine Flu in the US so far…guess what else kills 2-year old kids….fucking cheerios….and last i checked we haven’t issues General Mills a mandate to stop production. On a serious note if you are wondering if you have swine flu…check out this site…. www.doihaveswineflu.com . That should clear up any concerns…Right now the only symptoms of Swine Flu seem to be that of….Regular Fucking Flu…so what’s the big deal…if you feel sick…go to the doctor…..because guess what Swine Flu is being treated by the same exact drugs that Regular Fucking Flu is treated with.
Really what has happened is the media fear mongers have picked up the story and decided….”Hey guys…lets milk this shit to death…we can probably get a few months out of it and we can all keep our jobs”
If i get pulled over by a cop that coughs….i’m going to ask him to get checked out for swine flu
Meanwhile the medical mask industry is booming….almost as much of a spike as the small plastic american flags after 9/11
I have a copper BB in my calf right now. Not much of a story behind all of this….thought it would be a good idea to get shot with the roommates’ new guns….now the plastic pellet was fine…but go figure….metal beats skin. I was only aware of rock losing to paper…so therefore i figured skin could definitely beat metal bb…guess who was wrong….This guy….The doctors said just to leave it in my leg…so that’s cool…i never really liked getting through airport security under an hour anyways…I didn’t think a small BB would hurt…but that shit fucked up my leg….i can barely walk on it right now…but in good news…I am announcing my foray into gangsta’ rap….i guess is should stop using words like foray then….but other than that my grammer is pretty much spot on for it right?
People don’t really care about hockey…but the Caps won in 7 games! with the Sharks out we actually stand a legit chance to take down the title this year.
Cruise Day 3
I wake up and decide pulling the trigger is a good idea…now you must understand that I have only thrown up form hamgovers about twice in my life…well this makes three…and just like basebally i’m fucking out…and should just spend the rest of the game sitting on the bench…unfortunately Cozumel waits for no one….2343 is rattled out of bed since the boat is changing speed. We stop and I stumble out of the boat with sunglasses and a hat pulled low like some low rent celebrity trying to hide from the papparazi….only difference is that i’m trying to hide from life…
First thing you notice about Cozumel is the beautiful water…second thing….everything is in English….its more like Really Southern US than Mexico….One difference though…is that the craziest cab driver you’ve ever experienced is an amatuer compared to Cozumel….we decided we were going to a Private beach…and it only took about 5 minutes to get there….since the driver was averaging between 100 and 120 mph the whole way there…the whole time coming within feet of killing the scooter riding people on the shoulder….
So we get to the private beach and it is fantastic….clear water….not a cloud in the sky….a water trampoline…which of course is filled with 10 year olds which of course me and JMU Mike have to put a stop to…we get up there and start bouncing kids are kind of flying all over the place….I jump off into the ocean…which was fun…but about 5 minutes later i have realized that the cure for a hangover doesn’t include physical activity and waves….especially not physical activity that’s consequences involve drowning….
This involves me taking a 3 hour nap in the beach chair and trying not to puke….i took full advantage of the open bar….well the bottled water atleast…meanwhile Ant and Mega Bear and kayaking….Pockets is jumping on the tramp and trying not to cry when other kids take his spot…and JMU Mike has conquered the floating ‘iceberg’.
We decide to rent jet skis again….we also decide we are action heroes and are taking the sharpest turns possible at 50mph…it was awesome spraying water all over the place and generally looking badass….well everyone but pockets…its hard to look badass being tossed around by wakes and falling off your jet ski…i can’t tell you how much money i would have given to witness his fall…oh my god, poor little pockets screaming “Whooooooahhhh” as he goes flying through the air and doggie paddling back to his jet ski while spitting out water….
After this we had a crazy conversation with cougars (the same ones from dinner) that was very revealing…this including finding out both of them have cheated on their husbands and have tried anal sex….
Next we had to buy some trinkets….We all got a few things…i used some spanish and then realized i wasn’t going to be winning a medal anytime soon for it…so promptly stopped…
We got back on the boat and i felt a little more human….I won some money in craps taught some people how to play and won them money too…it made me look like i was the man….good thing they weren’t there a day ago when i lost it all….
Shit…i’m tired of typing…so i’m going to abruptly end this without transition.
