Love, Meat, and randomness (without the comma people’s outlook on me would change greatly)

November 21, 2008 at 2:13 pm (Uncategorized) (Auto Industry, Auto Industry Bailout, Bail Out, billy mays, Economy, Fast Food, funny, GM, GM Bailout, humor, humorous, Love, Math, Mind Blowing, Mind Blowingly Awesome, politics, Sibling Rivalry, Siblings, White Castle)

I don’t like it when people say “i’ve got some good news, and i’ve got some bad news” No you don’t you have average or mediocre news…or just plain on news…its a law of averages.  Here’s an optimist’s viewpoint of good and bad news in a formula

l good news – bad news l  + Sunshine = Outcome

^ that’s right that’s an absolute value sign…so…its always po..si..tive…ok that was lame…but its staying.

White Castle sliders…awful…some people swear by them…one being my dad…The son he once loved and knew died the day i finally admitted i hated sliders…my brother really capitalized on a clutch opportunity…not only did he eat his 10 sliders…he polished off my leftovers…my dad couldn’t have been prouder…his branch of the family tree firmly upheld by his youngest son’s bravado.  Have you ever seen a slider….i think its the only meat lower in grade than taco bell ground beef (which i devour but i’m just saying i recognize that its basically a ground medly of stray animals)  and taco bell meat gets an F+ because it tries dammit…case in point the triple steak burrito…Have you seen the commercials…go to a steak house…your friends are all about to get excellent steaks….”i’ll take mine medium” “i’ll have mine TRIPLE! *initiate sly grin and unveiling of his taco bell bag*  Well great job…your friends now look classy…will be eating classy…and will be enjoying their decision for some time to come…you on the other hand have booked yourself multiple round trip tickets to the crapper…hurry up…its a non-stop flight and its about to leave the gate!

Hold on to your asses…….Billy Mays….HAS A NEW FUCKING PRODUCT….its a pen that repairs scratches on your car…don’t worry i wasn’t convinced at first either…until he took a NAIL to a BEAUTIFUL PAINT JOB…then with one stroke of his crafty hand…BOOM good as new…I was still skeptical and leaned over to Ant…”I just don’t know…doesn’t look like there’s enough there maybe if he doubles my…”  Billy Mays “BUT WAIT WHAT IF I TOLD YOU I’LL DOUBLE YOUR OFFER”  I would tell you you’re FUCKING INSANE..how could you possibly make ANY MONEY Billy…you don’t run charities!  After a lengthy clean up session..i didn’t buy the product…but i’m sure it will eventually revolutionize my life…

If billy mays did an infomercial on the stock market the recession would be over tomorrow…

When are we going to call this a depression…and at what level must a depression sink to become a ‘great depression’

I wish i went to a celebrity school…cuz if i went there…suddenly herman…or rudy..doesn’t seem too strange…Ashley Simpson’s kid is named Bronx Mowgli….Isn’t Mowgli the name of the creature Gizmo from the gremlins was?  And remember that dude got his ass kicked consistently by the gremlins.  Just to be safe…Ashley…i know you’re probably reading this…or having someone else read it to you while you move your head back and forth across the screen like you’re following the words….don’t get the kid wet…or feed it past midnight…cuz god knows we don’t want your DNA multiplying.

If we bail out the US auto industry we will be sending the wrong message…i know there are alot of jobs at stake…but seriously that’s giving a reward for a lack of flexibility and innovation…GM doesn’t change anything until it is mandated…for example hybrids and alternate fuel cars suddenly were churned out quicker than ever before when a decision was released that they would have to show a certain amount of lines over a minimum MPG.  If they would have innovated before forced…maybe they wouldn’t be in this mess….It would be like if a retarded kid’s painting was put in an art competition and won out of sympathy…congrats…now….”your special little guy” actually think he’s good at something and you’re going to have to spend plenty of extra time to try and pump that up…meanwhile actual artists no longer have any real motivation to try…or churn out quality work….

Lets just extend this bailout everywhere…Lets bail out dead beat dads…junkies…felons…give all obese free lipo and organ transplants to addicts.  Seriously…if we are really going to wipe the slate clean..lets not half ass it…

Me and Pirate Mike’s lives have grown in opposite directions…when i was little me and my friends made a fort out of a bush…we played in it all day…a year or two later i grew out of it…

Pirate Mike plays in bushes all day and keeps on talking about doughnuts…guess if you like Krispy Kreme there’s really no stopping it.

This is a weak post and its going nowhere but downhill…and downhill in a peakaboo street sort of way..full of crashes and torn cartlige and tendons.  I had a lot of other topics to go through…but…alas they have escaped me..

A few things to leave you with…

Q: If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around does it make a sound?

A: Of course…

Q:Which came first the chicken or the egg…

A: Who the fuck knows…what i do know is the omelette came very soon after….and in a horrible act the chicken omelette wiped out entire generations…think about that…a parent cooked in its kids…Brutal