Rudy’s Nocturnal Admissions

72 views in one day…that’s a new record…thanks everyone for being bored at work (i realize that its probably the same couple people checking multiple times…but we don’t have a butterfly ballot here…or rulings on hanging chads…so i take everything i can get)

On days i don’t post i’m probably just going to make a greatest hits off of the old blog so it will be on here. I think i’m going to make it category based (one for politics…one for pirate mike…you get the drift)

Seidman…i was thinking…anytime you’re 600lbs and you have someone calling you skinny…that’s not ridiculous..that’s just good strategy…we need that guy over in Iraq ASAP..or as a white house press secretary…cuz obviously he can twist the most hideous situations into positives…”Dude you’re 600 pounds…you need to get your life together”…nope…just goes to the hospital…600 pounds is still about half of the king fatty…600lb man you may not get a show call 1/4 ton dad…but you do get my applause.

I’ve had lame dreams lately…which sucks…because dreams are supposed to be where you break away from everyday life and do things you normally can’t…not this guy…my good dreams consist of unloading trucks in 45 minutes instead of an hour…i’m still single but not even pulling ass…in fact in my last few dreams i’ve either gotten shut down or cheated on…What the fuck…i need to do something to my brain…its not good when you don’t have nightmares but your dreams are so bad you start off in a bad mood…seriously…PLEASE i want a dream where i’m chased by a psycho killer or something….never thought i’d be begging for nightmares…

I saw a Nyquil commercial yesterday…it was about how Nyquil now has customizable formulas…like one bottle for a chesty cough…one for stuffy head…one for herpes…anyways…the commercial featured synchronized swimmers…anyone else see a problem with this…Drink nyquil…the drug that makes you fall asleep..perfect for when you’re about to take a dip with your buddies!!!  Or better yet…they are talking about customized formulas but all these sick people are diving in a pool together…its more of a commercial for orignial nyquil…”Original nyquil…cuz you’re gonna catch that shit anyways”

Have you seen that show Whale Wars…its not bad…its full of crazies…its the guy that founded green peace and then was kicked out for being too radical (too radical for green peace so you know he’s a nut).  He gets together a crew (mostly consisting of people who have never even been on a boat) and sends them down to the Antarctic seas…some of the most dangerous in the world.  They search for ‘illegal’ whaling vessels…only problem is they have found a loop hole so the whole operation is actually legal…They chuck stink bombs on board and then the captain (Captain Crazy formally of green peace) decides they need to have 2 people board the Japanese whaling ship…Wow…his idea is they will kidnap them and then it will look bad on their part…Wow….They are just supposed to hop on board and hold up a paper that says they are there in peace…Wow..

If I kicked down your door and then stood there with a paper that said “My bad but seriously your music is too loud and it keeps me up sometimes..can you stop?” I would expect a kick to the groin followed by a 911 call…but these people are totally miffed when the dudes are being ‘mistreated’ on the ship…they are basically pirates now…but not good natured pirates like pirate mike…or badass pirates like blackbeard…Fucking Vegan Pirates…nothing to be scared of…seriously…their steady diet of couscous isn’t going to give your guns steady diet of bullets problems…or your body who has the steady diet of testosterone problems…fuckers are going down.

Staying on TV…have you ever watched 2 and a half men…i reccommend it…its a funny show..however…there is definitely a quota of sex related jokes they have to get in…JUST because your main star got caught banging a hooker doesn’t mean that has to be the basis of your whole show…shit actually, if that’s all it takes to get a show on tv…i’m heading back to vegas..cuz i was propositioned by about 10 hookers…and…silly me i turned them down.

When i get drunk a casinos the ‘F bomb’ drops frequently…me jerseyassjordan and his friend smitty played craps like champs (we all won about 3Gs a piece by the end of the week).  Well when you are ordering 2 drinks at a time (one being crown on the rocks so you have a steady supply of ‘fuck your ass up’ instead of having to wait those painful 10 minutes between drinks) it is a recipe for disater…It got to the point where me and smitty were out hitting the tables at about 6 in the morning just getting booted of table after table…here’s what mike dialogue consisted of…”yeah…give me ahhh fucking…100 in chips…and let me get fucking 12 on 6…fuckin 12 more on 8…a fucking 5 on nine..and lets get those fucking dice on over here”  …sir can you stop with the f word…it stopped until i hit the point “fuck yeah, that’s what i’m fucking talking about…give me thos fucking dice”…that’s when i’d be asked to pick up my chips…I FUCKING love vegas. 

Ant has started making beats…i will start posting them with my blogs…

JMU Mike…I’m gonna start calling you fucking farva…cuz you drank my whole liter ah cola

Pirate Mike…i’m going to need you to pirate extra hard now that whale wars fake pirates have press time…you need to represent for modern day pirates…though it will probably be by you downloading every movie DMX has starred in…Broke Back in HD…and A Walk To Remember.